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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

413 replies

Ticklyoctopus · 12/11/2025 09:19

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies, get up with them in the night etc?

It’s just a really frustrating response. I know you can ask nursery staff if they do it, and we have, and I would trust them, but most have small children themselves so understandably decline. My friends have small kids themselves, and my few local childfree relatives just really aren’t the kind of people you would trust to watch a toddler even for 20 minutes.

AIBU to think ‘get a babysitter’ just isn’t practical in many cases?

OP posts:
Letsdosomestargazing · 13/11/2025 16:29

RubySquid · 13/11/2025 16:10

Don't you want an adult relationship with your husband without kids constantly around or stuck in the house?

No going to dinner, theatre, dancing, playing sports together etc??

Where's the fun?

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Sorry I missed this.

We have plenty of fun. We laugh a lot, have a pleasant relationship. But we haven’t got limitless money.

Letsdosomestargazing · 13/11/2025 16:28

RubySquid · 13/11/2025 16:11

But never??

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DH and I haven’t been out alone as a couple since DD was born, and she is two years and four months.

It’s fine, honestly.

Digdongdoo · 13/11/2025 16:18

Terrytheweasel · 13/11/2025 15:56

What? Why are you even getting involved then? You clearly don’t even know what was said. I’m sick of rude people on mumsnet.

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We can all see what was said! It's not private messaging. Goodness sake. Don't be so aggressive.

RubySquid · 13/11/2025 16:11

Letsdosomestargazing · 13/11/2025 16:02

Doing those regularly as a couple plus the cost of a babysitter would be prohibitively expensive. It doesn’t mean our marriage is doomed!

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But never??

RubySquid · 13/11/2025 16:10

Letsdosomestargazing · 13/11/2025 15:56

It sounds like I’m being contentious, but why? I see plenty of DH; we spend plenty of time together, we don’t need to be out of the house together without children for this.

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Don't you want an adult relationship with your husband without kids constantly around or stuck in the house?

No going to dinner, theatre, dancing, playing sports together etc??

Where's the fun?

Letsdosomestargazing · 13/11/2025 16:02

Parker231 · 13/11/2025 15:58

Lots of non child friendly activities DH want to do - restaurants, theatre, sports events, dinner at friends, evening in our local wine bar

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Doing those regularly as a couple plus the cost of a babysitter would be prohibitively expensive. It doesn’t mean our marriage is doomed!

Maray1967 · 13/11/2025 16:01

JingleBongle · 12/11/2025 09:30

I also don’t understand this asking the nursery. My kids attended a private nursery and staff doing out of hours babysitting for the kids they taught were a definite no.

Both of mine were at private nurseries (different ones). The names of staff who were available for babysitting were on the notice board together with the recommended hourly rate.

Both of our DC were babysat by their nursery key workers. It doesn’t get better than that, in my view. MIL couldn’t console them at all if they woke.

Parker231 · 13/11/2025 15:58

Letsdosomestargazing · 13/11/2025 15:56

It sounds like I’m being contentious, but why? I see plenty of DH; we spend plenty of time together, we don’t need to be out of the house together without children for this.

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Lots of non child friendly activities DH want to do - restaurants, theatre, sports events, dinner at friends, evening in our local wine bar

Terrytheweasel · 13/11/2025 15:56

Digdongdoo · 13/11/2025 15:02

Cool off a bit. I'm not even the poster who upset you.

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What? Why are you even getting involved then? You clearly don’t even know what was said. I’m sick of rude people on mumsnet.

Letsdosomestargazing · 13/11/2025 15:56

RubySquid · 13/11/2025 15:21

Surprised they are still together TBH

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It sounds like I’m being contentious, but why? I see plenty of DH; we spend plenty of time together, we don’t need to be out of the house together without children for this.

RubySquid · 13/11/2025 15:21

PeanutChunky · 13/11/2025 14:44

People have posted that they have not been out as a couple until their child was 14. It absolutely blows my mind.

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Surprised they are still together TBH

PeanutChunky · 13/11/2025 15:12

goldenautumnleaves25 · 13/11/2025 14:55

Try having a child with SENDs. There are no babysitters for non- standard children.
We haven’t been out as a couple in 13 years. Not for lack if trying, but babysitters usually don’t accept children with autism (and if they do they call after an hour ir do when they realise that this is work, not just watching telly while the kids sleep)

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I imagine it’s almost impossible in these situations. I’m talking about the kind of parent who won’t let anybody look after their (non-disabled) child ever due to their own anxieties.

Iris2020 · 13/11/2025 15:08

We are very fortunate to have neighbours and friends we can trust, one of whom we regularly pay to look after our dc. Others help with regular daily needs such as doctor trips etc
I am with you OP, I wouldn't hire a stranger outside of a group setting like a nursery.

Bamboozledbylife · 13/11/2025 15:04

Op you're being very snappy. You asked for people's opinions but seem to want everyone to say you're right and oh my goodness there is no-one who will look after our children.

Digdongdoo · 13/11/2025 15:02

Terrytheweasel · 13/11/2025 14:51

You made so many assumptions about my post and were aggressive with it. You need to rethink how you behave online.

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Cool off a bit. I'm not even the poster who upset you.

goldenautumnleaves25 · 13/11/2025 14:55

PeanutChunky · 13/11/2025 14:44

People have posted that they have not been out as a couple until their child was 14. It absolutely blows my mind.

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Try having a child with SENDs. There are no babysitters for non- standard children.
We haven’t been out as a couple in 13 years. Not for lack if trying, but babysitters usually don’t accept children with autism (and if they do they call after an hour ir do when they realise that this is work, not just watching telly while the kids sleep)

Terrytheweasel · 13/11/2025 14:53

Digdongdoo · 13/11/2025 12:22

It wasn't a nasty comment at all. You could have explained your position without being so rude.

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Also, if you don’t have the decency to be polite to me, you can’t expect it back. You’re unbelievable.

Terrytheweasel · 13/11/2025 14:51

Digdongdoo · 13/11/2025 12:22

It wasn't a nasty comment at all. You could have explained your position without being so rude.

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You made so many assumptions about my post and were aggressive with it. You need to rethink how you behave online.

PeanutChunky · 13/11/2025 14:44

Parker231 · 13/11/2025 08:23

Why do posters refer to virtual strangers being used as babysitters? We’ve used babysitters since DT’s were six months old. No family in the same country to help but we used nursery staff and teenager children of friends. People DT’s knew and we trusted.
Meant that DH and I got to go out together every Friday.

What do parents do if they don’t have family to help out and won’t use babysitters - never go out as a couple?

People have posted that they have not been out as a couple until their child was 14. It absolutely blows my mind.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 13/11/2025 12:47

Redpeach · 13/11/2025 12:30

So it wasnt a stranger?

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No it wasn't a stranger, but he still had a lot of trauma about unknown people being around our children when they were small - because his abuser "didn't look like the kind of person" who would abuse a child (female, well spoken, had a dbs etc). It led to a lot of trust issues. My point was only that people have a lot of reasons for not wanting to hire someone they barely know.

Redpeach · 13/11/2025 12:30

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 13/11/2025 12:14

No, and his wasn't - but you can't reason with trauma 🤷

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So it wasnt a stranger?

Geranium1984 · 13/11/2025 12:28

We have no family nearby to help so we use babysitters. We have them round for a chat first and a quick play with the children. If it's a teenager i'll often get them around whilst im working from home, or in and out of the house to see how they get on before having them do bedtime/eveings. It lets you suss them out and the children form a relationship before leaving them for long periods.

Digdongdoo · 13/11/2025 12:22

Terrytheweasel · 13/11/2025 12:20

Don’t post nasty comments if you can’t take it back. Mumsnet is turning into a very unpleasant place because of people like you.

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It wasn't a nasty comment at all. You could have explained your position without being so rude.

Terrytheweasel · 13/11/2025 12:20

GreyCloudsLooming · 13/11/2025 10:54

That is extremely rude and abusive.

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Don’t post nasty comments if you can’t take it back. Mumsnet is turning into a very unpleasant place because of people like you.

RubySquid · 13/11/2025 12:16

Ticklyoctopus · 12/11/2025 09:26

Because they’re very elderly or disabled.

Were your children toddlers in nappies when you did this? I have 3 local friends that I know well enough to ask, one is heavily pregnant, the other has very poor MH and can hardly manage her own child, and the other works at weekends.

Edited
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MyDS wa a baby /toddler in nappies when he had babysitters.used a company called sitters , never had any issues