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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

413 replies

Ticklyoctopus · 12/11/2025 09:19

Because the people saying it usually have grandparent help and would never actually let a virtual stranger with just a DBS check actually look after their toddlers, change their nappies, get up with them in the night etc?

It’s just a really frustrating response. I know you can ask nursery staff if they do it, and we have, and I would trust them, but most have small children themselves so understandably decline. My friends have small kids themselves, and my few local childfree relatives just really aren’t the kind of people you would trust to watch a toddler even for 20 minutes.

AIBU to think ‘get a babysitter’ just isn’t practical in many cases?

OP posts:
Advocodo · 12/11/2025 09:30

Ticklyoctopus · 12/11/2025 09:28

Lucky to know and trust so many available people!

Show quote history

We are in a village and it’s easier to get to know people.

Octavia64 · 12/11/2025 09:30

Yeah, I did.

closest family two hours.

Littlemisscapable · 12/11/2025 09:30

Yep. So annoying. People who have family support just never get what it is like when it is just yourselves. Not all communities lend themselves to sharing babysitting etc. Its frustrating but this phase does end. And all of a sudden you are able to go out ! Meanwhile just smile and nod.

Sahara123 · 12/11/2025 09:29

We had no family at all for several hundred miles. Three kids , one with learning and physical disabilities . We got a babysitter, a neighbours teenage daughter, my kids loved her and they had a ball!

JingleBongle · 12/11/2025 09:29

I’m with you op. Someone with a dbs is still a stranger to your child. We have no family around as well so we just have a PT nanny who is consistent and regular but not some random babysitter on the once off.

Original poster
Ticklyoctopus · 12/11/2025 09:28

Advocodo · 12/11/2025 09:28

I never had family that would/were available to baby sit but we just paid a babysitter. Always someone that we knew. For a long time we used a widowed lady in her early 60s whose children had all grown up. We never once weren’t able to go out or turn down an invitation. Also mums got together and babysat each other’s children. I would never have had someone I didn’t know or trusted.

Lucky to know and trust so many available people!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ticklyoctopus · 12/11/2025 09:28

CowTown · 12/11/2025 09:22

Our closest family are 2 hours away. Yes, we “get a babysitter”.

Who? Is your youngest in nappies? I’m dying to know!

OP posts:
Advocodo · 12/11/2025 09:28

I never had family that would/were available to baby sit but we just paid a babysitter. Always someone that we knew. For a long time we used a widowed lady in her early 60s whose children had all grown up. We never once weren’t able to go out or turn down an invitation. Also mums got together and babysat each other’s children. I would never have had someone I didn’t know or trusted.

Original poster
Ticklyoctopus · 12/11/2025 09:26

EmmaOvary · 12/11/2025 09:23

Why would your local relatives not be able to watch a toddler for 20 minutes?

Ultimately it’s your choice. We have no family nearby but some local friends set up a babysitting Whatsapp group and we share favours. We’ve also used a childminder who came recommended from friends, for evening sits. And we have also used ‘strangers’ on Bubble. Never any bad experiences.

Because they’re very elderly or disabled.

Were your children toddlers in nappies when you did this? I have 3 local friends that I know well enough to ask, one is heavily pregnant, the other has very poor MH and can hardly manage her own child, and the other works at weekends.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 12/11/2025 09:25

We didn’t have any grandparents to watch our kids. So we used: a teenager who had babysat friend’s kids, another friend’s nanny, nursery staff and there are agencies that vet babysitters.
I’m sure there are plenty of people who don’t have access to a babysitter, but the majority do if they think about it and are willing to pay.

Mary46 · 12/11/2025 09:25

Not easy op we had that too. Its usually those with loads of help that say it!! My daughter was clingy so that made it hard. Im past that stage now but yes was hard.

EmmaOvary · 12/11/2025 09:23

Why would your local relatives not be able to watch a toddler for 20 minutes?

Ultimately it’s your choice. We have no family nearby but some local friends set up a babysitting Whatsapp group and we share favours. We’ve also used a childminder who came recommended from friends, for evening sits. And we have also used ‘strangers’ on Bubble. Never any bad experiences.

CowTown · 12/11/2025 09:22

Our closest family are 2 hours away. Yes, we “get a babysitter”.