To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

We did from quite a young age. As others have said mix of recommendations, local childminders who had older children and some from an agency. Always DBS checked and we usually made sure the children were ready for bed before leaving so no nappy changes/undressing expected. We never went far but allowed us occasionally to be sociable. They’re only strangers the first time.
When they got a bit older we used our childminders son who we always considered our childminder by proxy and now local teenagers.
Not cheap but definitely sanity and marriage saving.

We used a variety of places.

we lived in a village and teens often did babysitting so it wasn’t a stranger it was Angus two doors up. He did it for years on and off and the kids still remember him.

we did go to church and get to know people in the village.

my NCT group also set up a babysitting group with curtain rings as tokens so you paid in tokens and when you ran out needed to sit for someone else.

we also used sitters.co.uk who were great. Once an old uni friend who’d just had a kid turned up and we got her lots after that.

Plenty of people do hire babysitters though, including for babies. You might have decided you don’t want to, but that doesn’t make the suggestion in itself invalid.

If you’re being asked to “just get a babysitter” to go on a night out you aren’t particularly fussed about, just say you’ve chosen not to use babysitters until DC are older. If you’ve been complaining to people that you never get any time without the DC, you can’t really blame them for saying “just get a babysitter.”

What I find sad is that nowadays lots of people don't have networks of friends who can pick up from school in an emergency, have the kids while you go to an appointment, babysit for an evening. This would include older neighbours etc who it takes time to get to know. Our next door neighbours ( retired) loved having the kids over in the summer, and occasionally babysat too.The decline of churches and communities is part of this. People are less connected and have to struggle on their own. I think people are so much more suspicious as well and reluctant to make connections. Would you really trust a stranger with a DBs more than neighbours or a friends teen you have built a relationship up with over time. I think people would enjoy child raising more if they were better connected.

When have virtually no family help so yes we did ‘just get a babysitter’. We put the kids to bed at 7, went out for dinner and came home a few hours later and they had no idea we’d gone anywhere. No nappy changes or middle of the night comforting needed. One we found on urban sitter (the American version of bubble) who was a local student, interviewed her first, she was great and we had her for 2 years before she graduated and went to work for NASA! In the UK we also found a nice regular through Bubble for a while, have used a teen neighbour and also the gap year students from the kids school. Unless you’re on a really tight budget then of course it’s possible. You just lower your expectations a bit in terms of where you go and stick a few local pub trips initially.

We got babysitters when my youngest was still in nappies, but he'd reliably sleep through so we'd wait until he was in bed to go out. And I am lucky because we live in the same area as my mum so used her friends kids to start. I'd never start with a virtual stranger. I also asked people to come mind the kids while I was at home so I'd get jobs done and get an idea of them. It's not easy, it's a big job but it's a necessary one because even with grandparents support you need a babysitter or two.

We always used our neighbours teenage daughters from the time our children were small. We were lucky that they were good sleepers so we could put them to bed before we went out.

She is 'lucky to know' many people. Whether she is 'lucky to trust' is another matter.
How is your life panning out: working on the basis that, unluckily, everybody you know is a paedophile-in-waiting?

I think the people who say it either 1. have someone they can easily ask to be a babysitter, or 2. don't have children.
We had a similar set up when my children were very young, there was simply no-one who we could ask to babysit (no nursery workers who 'do it on the side', no families with a 17 year old who can 'sit in', no-one), and some people found it a bit baffling, one friend even said "well I'm asking my neighbour to have Barney"....Barney was a Labrador!

It adds so much cost to a night out! That’s what annoys me about ‘just get a a babysitter’. It’s £50 minimum for a short night out for me.

However, I used a few ‘stranger with DBS check’ services and they were very helpful. Lovely ladies who adored and often worked with children. It worked out well. These are likely to be local people who already work with kids and are well vetted.

Once I was trying to give an intense briefing to a lady when my daughter was very little and turns out she fostered from newborns. I never had so much confidence to just jump out of my house tbh. Had a great night.

And I booked a lady to come over when I was ill once. I slept and she played with and fed my baby. It was so helpful.

You can get a babysitter if you have the desire to get a babysitter!

Local mums here formed a babysitting circle and everyone got a set of tokens for it. You got double for day care and double after midnight. Otherwise, each token was for one hour. People who didn't sit for others soon ran out of tokens, so you couldn't abuse the system. Single mums could offer sleep overs or weekend daycare, which then earned them tokens they could use for nights out. Our Dc are grown now. Some became close friends, some never mixed socially, but all of us found it really helpful at the time.

No money changed hands.

Have slwsys had to pay a babysitter or not go! Friends sixth form aged children or nursery staff generally. With babies / toddlers / pre school I always put them to bed before I went out. It’s an expensive addition to a night out (£10 per hour) but as a sole parent it’s the only way to be sociable!

Also, what has nappies got to do with anything? Babysitters do change nappies!

It's expensive, but it is "easy" to get a babysitter. They aren't all that hard to find in my experience, and they aren't strangers for long. We have no family help, I'd have gone mad without our babysitters. We do also trade with friends, but that's not so reliable.
Where are you looking? We use a friends teenager, 2 young ladies who work at a nursery and a retired childminder.

I used the local nursery staff, and a friend had a nanny who would babysit too - during the day too if she wasn't working, so I could do Xmas shopping etc.

We then used the primary school staff, mums would share who was available. Usually LSA type staff. This was in Ireland.

But never used agency though friends did.

Yes we paid a babysitter.
Found a couple of local childminders who were happy to do occasional evening work.
Why can't you do that?

You are making assumptions. I say "get a babysitter" because that's what we did. The grandparents are all over 100 miles away so it was always babysitters for us.

And yes, from when they were in nappies. I don't see why you think that's a problem.

Because they're elderly, in poor health, forgetful, unpredictable, clueless, or just not good with little kids? There are loads of reasons the OP might not trust a relative with her kids and it's disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

We had no family and our friends were all very much not the kind you’d leave your kids with. We didn’t go out together until the children were old enough to be left. That was our choice, we could have paid someone. But we preferred not to.

I also don’t understand this asking the nursery. My kids attended a private nursery and staff doing out of hours babysitting for the kids they taught were a definite no.