To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

And why my partner and I went out separately for years . Actually, he went out mostly and I stayed with the kids. Given we were already bankrupting ourselves with nursery adding on babysitting made going out prohibitively expensive but babysitters were available esepcially once the kids got a bit bigger.

No family living in the same country as us so we used two of the nursery staff every Friday as babysitters. This started from when DT’s were six months old.
As a back up we used the teenager daughter of a friend

Yes. We used 14 and 16 year old neighbours when our boys were 8 and 4. Before that, we set up a babysitting circle within our antenatal group.

I think you are right that there is work involved in finding a babysitter you trust in the first place and psyching yourself up for leaving your child with them to begin with.

Once you have a couple of established contacts it is loads easier.

We dont have help and our nursery stafg arent allowed. I asked local parents for recommendations (I'm on a couple of whatsapp groups) but i am also hoping to set up some babysitting swaps

But see, there you go. You did find a babysitter! Do you return the favour?

I agree OP. We have family that live quite far away and we are regularly invited to dinner parties with other parents or evenings out. Sometimes (unless my parents can come and stay) just one of us attends. People always say 'just get a babysitter'. I have three kids 9,5 and 3 but it's the 9 year old that's the hardest! He struggles to be left, gets really worried about it, likes us there at bedtime etc. The 3 year old will play up and be difficult. It makes going out so stressful it's not even worth it!
So far I've tried it with friends, I haven't even bothered with trying a paid teenage babysitter.

You need to join, or start a babysitting circle OP

No one wanted ours overnight. The first night we had ‘free’ was when they were close in age and both went to scout camp. I think they were about 13.

We have no family nearby so never had a babysitter. Our first time out together when we could leave DS home alone was when he was about 14yrs old.

Can’t say I was that bothered as we did stuff together in the daytime when DS was at school.

The children were about 3 when the babysitting circle started, all out of nappies, yes. It is hard having no support, I do get it. And it’s fine to not want to have people you don’t know babysit. Are there any recommendations from local mums or friends?

Why are none of your friends in a position to join a babysitting circle? Do none of them have kids? Or they all have childcare on tap?
Try Sitters or Childcare.co.uk.
If you just don't want to, that's fine. But you will be able to find people.

I've used babysitters almost every week since mine were about 3 months old. Usually the same girl although a couple of her friends have done it when she's been away. She lives a few streets away, we put out an ad and she answered it looking to make some pocket money. We invited her round to meet her before we started - and asked her to have them for a couple of hours one afternoon to get a feeling for it.

But my kids love her - they most often were asleep when she first came but now she's here in time to put the older one to bed sometimes and there's much excitement!

No, I agree with you. I've only ever had family or nursery staff look after my daughter, and on a couple of occasions her friend's mum. I wouldn't have left her with a stranger. If there's a set up someone is comfortable with than that's great for them but it doesn't mean it works for everyone.

Edit: I just remembered someone at work once talking about a colleague who declined a night out because their baby wasn't settling at night and she had that breezy 'got to leave them at some point' attitude. Never mind the fact the woman was probably exhausted and a night out was the last thing she needed!

Long tradition of childminding circles and babysitters in my family, worked well.

I also did a lot of babysitting in high school and sometimes nappies were involved. Not a big deal.

What would you do in an emergency?

Having read your replies, Im not sure you are looking for a few hours to go out for dinner. Are you wanting over night? The few hours in relatively straightforward to find, as me and lots of others have mentioned - friends children, nursery staff, retired childminders etc. If you bath and get kids ready / put them in bed, then generally shouldn’t even be an issue with nappies (although to nursery staff that’s something they can do in a heartbeat!) But if you want over night, then you will need a nanny type role really, which is very different. I’ve never had a night away as I don’t have suitable childcare, but if I needed to for work for example, then I’d be looking for an agency and giving plenty of settling in sessions etc.

Just go out at 9. It's not that late. Or let the babysitter put them to bed, sometimes toddlers are much more compliant for other people.

I think an overnight is unrealistic. Long night, yes. But an overnight isn’t possible until they are older and you get friends who will do sleepovers. It isn’t forever. It’s just that children need looking after!

I also often dreamt of a toddler hotel where you could send them for a night!! 😆 Toddler boarding please!!

You would have to take them on the trip and get a babysitter in situ for wherever you are.

My son's GF works in a private nursery. Some of their charges are small babies up to aged around 4/5. Onc night a week she babysits for one of the parents. I don't think she would do an overnight. It seems to work perfectly well for them. I'm sure if you asked around there'll be plenty of nursery staff who don't have their own children.
Another parent asked, but thought £5 an hour was a good hourly rate to pay someone to babysit on an evening and was shocked that someone qualified in childcare and DBS checked would expect £15+ per hour. I think if you're able and prepared to pay for a professional, you'll find someone who you can build trust with.

We have no family near and one kid still in nappies. We do want to get out for adult time so I asked a mum on our street if her older teenage daughter would be interested. I’ve known the family for a couple of years as neighbours. We met with the daughter and had her over to the house for a couple of trial sessions (paid) while we were present. Once she got to know the kids and their routine we starting paying her to come babysit, first just once the kids were already asleep but she does day time now too. I’ve shown her how to change a nappy. She’s doesn’t have dbs check, why would she, but she seems very competent. So that would be my advice, I also wouldn’t want to leave my kids with a stranger but everyone is a stranger until you get to know them, so gradually building up to trust was the way it worked for us. I felt it was a good investment as we will never have family help so got years of this ahead, and want to go out for nice dinners without kids!

We paid neighbours much older kids to babysit. Now that mine are teenagers they babysit other kids on our (different) street.
There is a street WhatsApp group where people ask about babysitting and get directed to the several teens on the road who do it.

Can you not get a recommendation from a friend, or do you have any neighbours with teens?