To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

I was part of that when my children were very small - only problem came when it was an event that we were all connected to ( which is how we met) Then there were a couple of 6th formers in the road and slightly further afield names got passed around. . In turn, my daughters did very well babysitting when they were in the 6th form and parents felt reassured that I could be called on quickly if there were problems like a waking upset child etc. Never was.

There are various agencies - it's not that difficult unless you live in the back of beyond - honestly!

It IS expensive.

YANBU because it's expensive af as well. So everything vaguely enjoyable you want to do without kids becomes twice as expensive. If you go out for a meal at a nice-ish restaurant (£80), then you have to pay a babysitter at least £60 for the evening. Spending £140 for what would have been a totally mediocre night out before kids just seems ridiculous on principal, even if you could afford it.

Not sure what sort of people regularly have the cash to "get a babysitter" because that adds up much faster than any other COL. In our local FB group there are batshit postings from people who need a babysitter for the same day and will literally take any stranger that answers their posting.

I don't know where you get the idea that everyone who suggests it has never done it.

I sometimes suggest it and we hire babysitters all the time. In 9 years, we have had maybe 40 mins of grandparent childcare when we have briefly left them with grandparents for an errand.

Just because you don't want to do it, doesn't make it impossible.

We first did it when our first was 6 months old. We hire experienced professionals - nursery workers when they were younger, now through an agency and they are usually TAs or teachers. Given that I would trust them with my kids in childcare/school, it seems reasonable to trust them to babysit.

If you don't feel comfortable/don't want to, that your call, but it's your choice.

I think it depends what you need the babysitter for.

From some of your posts I think you’re looking for overnight care so you can go on a trip somewhere?

That’s very different for asking someone to look after your child for a couple of hours while you go out locally.

I didn’t have any family nearby, but had various trusted sitters that came from recommendations from friends. But I didn’t leave my kids with non-family members overnight until they were much older

Re read all your messages and not sure why you need “overnight” - do you just mean into the late evening when your kids might wake up/ before your eldest is asleep?

I agree OP I wouldn’t know where to start with finding a babysitter and do see it thrown about on here like a simple solution.

We moved back to the hometown we hate when I was pregnant just so we’d have family on hand to look after DC when needed. We’re very lucky to have quite a few family members available to book in for childcare when we want to go for a meal, to the theatre, a concert or a wedding whatever but also to come over short notice in an emergency. I am desperate to move to somewhere we would actually like but the issue of having to find trusted and paid babysitters every time we need someone to watch DC puts me off so much.

Same here OP it infuriates me. Don’t know where ex husband is living nearest family 4 hours away and babysitting costs are unaffordable

people live in ivory towers

I pay the teenage girl next door.

I know what you mean OP!

I don’t have relatives nearby (nor does exh, so “we” didn’t when together either). We used to manage to find babysitters occasionally through either friend of a friend, or through the nursery as you say, or the lactation consultant we saw did babysitting for people she got on with etc. And then later we used an after school CM who would do it occasionally.

But never went out regularly.

Asking around often comes up with recommendations I think, that’s how we found a great CM.

I know what you mean re strangers with just a DBS - I don’t think I’d have been comfortable with that!

Now I have dd17 who babysits regularly for other people- including classmates of ds11 so I need to get in ahead of time and also pay if I want her services (fair enough).

Some people don’t want to trust a teenager but if you find a sensible one they can be gold. Dd will only babysit children who are old enough to talk and communicate their needs though which is fair enough.

Edit - I missed the overnight bit!!

At one point we had au pairs and they could occasionally babysit overnight.

Wow, so wrong!
My nearest relos are two hours -flight- away (1000miles), and the in-laws are literally half a world away
We got babysitters
Otherwise we would never have had time to ourselves
But the OP is not looking for a babysitter, they're looking for an overnight caregiver which is wildly different
OP needs to pay someone to do that, yet they seem to be stuck on finding someone for free

We live very happily. We have never relied on others to care for our children, and as others have pointed out, the cost would add unnecessary and unaffordable amounts on to an evening out. I would find it concerning if people were willing to leave their children with someone they didn't know, just because they had a DBS certificate, which essentially means nothing.

I have a list (3) babysitters who I have interviewed, checked CV and references and checked DBS. If a need a babysitter, I contact them. Have used them from 6 months. It's really worth doing this in advance so you have people to contact.

You may not want to get a babysitter, which is fine, but many people do so it's not exactly a wild suggestion.

That’s a brilliant system!

It’s not below minimum wage unless your sitter is 21 or older. Minimum wage is £10 for 18-20YOs and £7.55 for under 18s so £10 is absolutely fine for a younger teen especially if it’s an easy job just requiring them to sit on the sofa because the parents have done bedtime and the kids are solid sleepers.

Same here. Now mine are teens, we can go out without them. They're happy at home with a pizza!

Do you have a nursery nurse course at local college? Worth asking with them

We used nursery staff, a young woman from the local Guides and the daughter of a friend. We also have children with complex needs. I think you have to keep asking around

I agree OP. We have no family in this country and our DS has some severe allergies so we need people really understanding how to act in an emergency.
Also, up to the end of toddlers years he was a runner, always on the go and we needed someone able to look after him 1-2-1. That meant we could not rely on random babysitters: too much responsibilities for the teenager babysitters or for friends with multiple children to look after. We used to rely on his key worker from nursery and that was great until she moved. Then we used a neighbor, but as she didn't want any money we didn't feel we could ask her every month. We could potentially ask a random babysitter from a website, but we don't want to.

Now he's a little older we take turns with other families from school and we babysit each others' child. It's still not ideal for nights out as they are too young for sleepovers, but maybe that is the next step!

We live in a city with no family/friends/village help around, and our nursery has a strict policy against staff doing babysitting for any families. So, we looked elsewhere and recently found a babysitter for our two-year-old so that hubby and I can have the odd occasion out together. Can confirm - quite literally life-changing!!! Wish we had started looking sooner tbh. Not sure if I totally understand what your challenge is OP.....

No grandparents or neighbours here. We were sometimes able to get a nursery worker. Most of the time we used Sitters.co.uk. Either way, we paid for it.
It is perfectly easy to get a babysitter. What you are complaining about is not being able to get an unpaid one.

£10 is just fine for a teenager. £15 is more the going rate for a qualified adult (it's what I charge for babysitter, I'm a registered childminder).

I will say, once you find a couple of trusted reliable sitters, it is as easy as ‘get a sitter’ except for the money. It’s £15 an hour here, so not cheap, and we have to factor that in. It’s building up a roster of people that’s a challenge.

We do have a teenage boy whose parents we know well, and we will occasionally leave them with him. But only after they’re already asleep, we are only going to be 2-3 minutes away, and when his parents are also in. I wouldn’t be happy with him doing it while they were awake, as two preschoolers isn’t easy, and like you say the safety of choking, falling, getting hurt