To feel frustrated when people say ‘get a babysitter’

Yes, I did occasionally use a babysitter from an agency, a stranger with a DBS and first aid certificate.
The vast majority of occasions though it was someone's student aged daughter, or someone's childminder.

Well, it might depend where you live

I would trust some of the people in my community above family members with the welfare and safety of my kids, and yes, that does include paid babysitters who we have developed a relationship with over time and who my children like and trust.

There is quite a difference between a few hours babysitting in the evening and leaving a baby overnight. I’m sure lots of people have used the former, and fewer people have trusted strangers to do the latter.

Had one nice school mam the playdates gave us both a break. She had mine odd overnight. Very decent. She said it must be hard with zero help. It is. Girls 20 now!! Some mams wont take kids feel their own enough. I respect that. God its hard though

Not least, you've just doubled the cost of the evening out.

When I was with my ex, we just used to take the kids, issue them with ipads/headphones and have our nice dinner with them there. Of course I'm sure that's terrible too in lots of people's opinions.

Of course we had babysitters? My mother lived nearby but was unreliable. We had a lovely Brazilian woman who I am still friends with 30 years later.

Must depend on the nursery because it's very popular at DC's nursery. Our go to babysitter if Grandparents are unavailable is nursery staff and they usually snap it up.

I think you need not over stress and get a babysitter . Ask in the neighbourhood what’s app group or check bubble. Try them a couple of times when you are there, have a camera for the first times with telling them of course. We used a babysitter first time when my baby was 3 month old. The first time was only for 3 hours and I told her not to change his nappy. She had good referrals and the baby was happy every time to see her.

I think everyone who is having/has children should have a few people who aren’t friends/family that they can rely on.

There are great websites out there like childcare.co.uk or using local facebook groups for Nanny’s etc. Find a few that you gel with, get references, check their DBS and build a relationship with them.

Having people you can rely on and trust is worth its weight in gold and if you’re paying someone you’re less likely to feel guilty about asking them to help out and it’s also great to have those people to ask in emergencies etc.

Try having a sen child OP, where anyone who looks after them needs to be specially trained and experienced, and even agencies who supply babysitters everyday don’t have these staff available.
Yes you COULD get a babysitter, and there are people who do this kind of work who are DBS trained and reliable and safe.
I agree having a stranger come in isn’t ideal at all but you DO have that choice, trying to argue you don’t is ridiculous.

Because some people have shit/selfish relatives who were oh so happy to take any offer of help when you were a child and would get shipped off to grandma’s for the night but then when you grew up and had kids suddenly they had “done their child rearing” and don’t want to babysit.

What I wouldn’t give to have my kids grandparents WANT to be involved and offer the same help they got as parents to young children, but it’s very typical of their generation from what I’ve found both online and amongst people my age struggling with the same.

As a result, I just don’t go out or have any time for myself because I wouldn’t just hire some random to watch my kids either, and that’s perfectly reasonable, not everyone is comfortable with that.

I’m sure I’ll get peoples backs up with my comment, but if the shoe fits…
I never read responses anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think the thing is some people think it’s just

sit in a house
children are there and play / watch tv
or sleep

that’s it

and for older children there’s some truth in that assuming no special needs etc. For toddlers it isn’t.

We never had babysitters.

My family is nowhere close and my husband's family isn't interested. None of my friends have children and it would feel awfully presumptuous to even ask.

If it was an emergency then there are a few people we could ask but it would have to be a desperate situation.

Also, in the village I lived in when the DC were small we had a babysitting circle where the Mums babysat for each other. We didn't use it very much as quite often our social activity was in the village and the other parents were also invited! But it was useful sometimes

I agree it's sad, but if I'm being honest I don't feel I have the time or capacity to be anyone else's "village" so I totally accept that this means I have no right to expect a "village" for myself. I have a very demanding job and 2 Autistic DC. The idea of "setting up a network of babysitters with other parents" as has been suggested on this thread might seem like a good idea in theory, but I'm not sure my DC would cope with that set up, even if I did somehow find the time to organise something like that.

We had no family support locally. We used teenage babysitters. They were the children of friends or neighbours, so DC were familiar with them.

In terms of nappy changing we put DC in clean nappies when they went to bed. Babysitter usually arrived after they'd gone to sleep. I don't think the babysitters ever had to do a nappy change.

Oh god yes, agree with this so much. I hate those invitations which are worded to say "we're giving you the day off to let your hair down". I always feel like saying oh wow, thank you, so you're funding our childcare for the weekend, since that is the only way I'm going to be able to come to a child free wedding. (I don't say that of course.)

We can treat ourselves to a child free weekend any time as long as we pay through the nose for it. A twattily worded invitation doesn't change that. "Giving" me the day off my arse!

I haven’t read even page two of the thread and I’m waiting for the “we lived 3000 miles from family and built out own village blah blah “ in real life most people have help from their normal families who actually offer to help the odd time . I mean imagine me asking my friends to watch my 3 dcs while my husband and I go out or go away for the night ,I’d 💯 be called a cf!!
Honestly where I live family support is such a normal part of the culture , I’m an absolute freak that my family are the most completely hands off family around , not even post surgery would they help with 3 really small kids.. but I got loads of lovely messages which were of course were so helpful….
I totally hear you @Ticklyoctopus , my dcs are older now and it’s getting easier but I would never have left small children with a random stranger and the people who casually suggest this probably haven’t either . I’m betting my house on the “we made our own village/support replies “.

@Ticklyoctopus I understand what you mean. I didn’t use babysitters until our children were out of nappies and were talking clearly. If we were invited to anything when our DC were babies, only one of us would go.

I agree. I don't want someone I don't know as a babysitter. Plus my three year old is hard work.

Would never have occurred to me to ask a neighbour, knew hardly anything about them. I’d be gobsmacked if a neighbour asked me too, as well.

Yes this always makes me laugh also. It’s normally two nights away as well (rehearsal dinner, then day after wedding brunch) and so about £500 accommodation at the venue. Babysitting with a proper childcare worker would be another £550+, add in train fares, drinks, I don’t know if they realise they’re asking people to spend well in excess of £1k on their wedding ‘for a break/treat’.

Why does it have to be a virtual stranger. What about neighbours. People from clubs that you know?