To ask you to reconnect with that person you’ve drifted away from?

I did this a few months ago with someone who I was best friends with throughout our teens and twenties and then I moved up North when we were 26 and over the last decade, we just drifted in different directions.
It was my fault really. I had fertility struggles in my early 30s, and I became really blinkered and I wasn't much fun to be around at all.
She never wanted children and didn't really understand why I was so depressed.
Anyway, I messaged her properly. Not just an Instagram note, but a proper paragraph text message to say: I'm sorry, and I miss you.
We've been texting more and falling back into old inside jokes and telling each other the latest news etc.
It's been really nice.
We've booked a date to meet up in March and I'm really looking forward to it!

I can see why people drifted away from those who have posted so far.

Well that rather undermines your argument in favour of reconnecting, doesn't it?

This is your sign to send the message to reconnect. We can discuss the outcome of sending that first message here

You're sounding like a school teacher setting work. People generally don't respond well to that tone on a chat forum.

Perhaps if you had explained your own situation and what promoted you to be thinking about this, instead of issuing instructions, the response would have been very different.

Who've you reconnected with @officiallybringing? What/who gave you a sign to do so and more importantly what was the outcome?

No fair asking others to spill when you haven't so share your story first.

This thread has actually made me feel shit. We’ve drifted. She doesn’t want to know me. She pretends not to have seen me when we do collide. I don’t really know what I did. It’s made me dwell on something I wasn’t even thinking about til I came across the thread

Actually an old friend did do that after about 40 yrs. There was no fallout just different paths and we have now reconnected and it’s been lovely.

OP, real life isn't the same as an episode of Long Lost Family where everyone meets up after years apart, has tears, hugs and then all live happily ever after until the cameras stop rolling.

I would love to reconnect with my brother, but sadly I don't think he wants a relationship with me. I represent a part of his life he'd rather forget. It isn't my fault and it's so lonely not having him to reminisce with.

I'm reluctant to approach him because I just seem to open up his old wounds. I might be seeing his wife in the spring though. We are not close either but she does make an effort so I'll do the same.

It’s got to depend on circumstances surely as to whether people want to reconnect with old friends or not. The PP who said it’s been 6 months and they’re going to reach out to their friend is different to the friends I had from school 22 years ago if I were to suddenly reach out to them and ask if they want to reconnect.

It’s a strange one, I have a couple of ladies who I was friends with until we were about 22/23. In the end they kept letting me down in arrangements to meet up, I realised I was working quite hard to keep in touch and they obviously weren’t bothered because they never committed nor got in touch first. I decided I would stop contacting them and see if they got in touch with me. Shock horror, they didn’t. It’s ok, it’s disappointing when you realise that somebody isn’t interested like you are. But would I go back and contact them to reconnect now? No. I don’t want to be dismissed again, and if they weren’t interested when we actually were friends why would they be interested all these years later?

100% this. ^

Love a ‘be kind’ type thread where the OP immediately stops being kind as soon as people disagree with her.

If people want to reconnect with people from their past, that’s fine. But I’m sure they don’t need to be issued with orders by a stranger to do that.

Pretty much everyone I’ve drifted away from is someone I don’t miss and I doubt they miss me either. Friendships ebb and flow naturally and that’s Ok.

Gosh, it's almost like everyone is DIFFERENT , isn't it?!!! 😆

Why don’t you tell us about your experiences of doing this OP?

Yeah this. ^ The OP clearly has some kind of issue going on. I am guessing she has tried to reconnect with people from the past, and is hitting a brick wall/getting no responses. So she's trying to tell us all on here how to be 'better' and how to 'do better.'

You're talking to fully grown, mature, intelligent, feisty women on here @officiallybringing Not children. As I said, bizarre thread!!!

The past is a different country.

I've recently had two friends contact me who I haven't seen in 15 years. I really wish they hadn't. I genuinely loved them both and even still miss them but the friendship was toxic.I wish them well but I will never go back there.

This. ^

People drift apart/lose contact for a reason @officiallybringing I have no intention of 'reconnecting' with someone I knew from the past, who I lost contact with (or they lost contact with me.) My life has moved on, I have new hobbies, new priorities, and new friendships. As the saying goes 'friends come for a reason, for a season, or for life.'

So yeah, most friendships don't last, they are just handy/convenient/helpful/nice at the time, but once you lose contact, that means you and they have moved on. Also, there are some people who I lost contact with for a reason, and I wouldn't want them contacting me!!! There's a reason why I didn't give some people my new address when I moved to this village just over a decade ago,

Also

@officiallybringing
This is your sign to send the message to reconnect. We can discuss the outcome of sending that first message here

Why is YOUR thread/YOUR post the time for us all to reconnect with old friends and acquaintances, and then discuss it on here with you?!

Bizarre thread! Also presumptuous and cheeky to tell people what to do!

I have noticed on Mumsnet over the years that friendship doesn't tend to be very highly valued here. OP if you asked on a different forum eg Reddit you might get different responses. Remember this is a forum where people don't answer the door or the phone. I think that a lot of conventionally successful middle class women take a very functional and transactional view of friendship.

Fwiw I've reconnected with various friends over the years. COVID and the baby/toddler years plus international moves can really do a number on friendships. Why not check in on people you've drifted from for situational reasons? They might want to hear from you! And if they don't then they can always ignore or block. Apparently this is not a popular opinion on here.

I dont get this either. You can think someone is a perfectly fine human being, but not want to be best buddies with them. I know several people like this at work- lovely people, but we are just very different and have different outlooks on life. We will never be friends who hang out with each other but thats ok- not everyone is meant to be your "friend", which is why the ones you have chosen are so precious.

Why is it negative? It's factual, doesn't mean it's negative.

I hate this concept that we must constantly be trying to fix or maintain friendships. Sometimes friendships just drift as people move into other parts of their life, and that's fine, they were a chapter in your book and you don't need to write a new one.

I have 3 friends I/we have drifted from, I wish them no harm, I wish them nothing but positive things and hope they are well but they are from a different time of my life and they can stay there.

I get you OP. I have loads of people I’d love to reconnect with but never do, they were very important to me. I see people have weddings where they invite people from every stage of their life and it’s nice. I still think of these people as a big part of my life

I reconnected w an old friend after about 12 years. We had sort of fallen out and a mutual friend got us back together & we just picked up from where we left off. We’d both been twats tbh, and we’ve been friends again for 14 years and see each other regularly. We did miss each other’s weddings which was sad.

In my own experience (very limited I admit) it only led me to wonder why I didn’t let sleeping dogs lie. It might not be the same for everyone but I almost immediately remembered why we’d “drifted” before but of course by then it was like scraping poop off to get rid of them

Exactly this.

I agree that there doesn’t have to be a reason people drift apart.

during Covid I drifted apart from a few people, and then when the world got back to normal, my son started school; and I went back to work full time. So I lost touch with my Friday friends and then didn’t see colleagues anymore as we all worked from home. I wish everyone well; and would be delighted to reconnect in the future: but. At this point in life, I don’t have the time or energy

our drifting apart was her choice , she didn’t even respond when I told her someone had died, I’d rather not be a weird needy stalker thanks all the same.

I think sometimes rekindling an old friendship can be great, I've done it a couple of times and it has led to us becoming closer again.

People don't always drift away for a reason, sometimes they just get busy or don't have the headspace.

However, some people definitely do drift for a reason, and continually putting effort into those friendships is like throwing good money after bad.