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Original poster

To ask you to reconnect with that person you’ve drifted away from?

141 replies

officiallybringing · 12/11/2025 09:03

I’m not talking about people you had a massive falling out with or estranged family members, unless you want to of course. But everyone has that person you used to be close to that you’ve drifted away from. This is your sign to send the message to reconnect. We can discuss the outcome of sending that first message here

OP posts:
Dontcallmescarface · 12/11/2025 17:11

I got in touch with an old friend, we've now drifted apart again. Our friendship was great when we were at the stage of life when we met, but our lives have changed and apart from old memories we have nothing much in common anymore. Somethings are best left in the past and that can include friends we once had.

VickyEadieofThigh · 12/11/2025 17:09

YoureKillingMyPeace · 12/11/2025 09:22

I would hate to receive a message out of the blue from someone from my past, even though I often think of them and our shared time together fondly. You can’t go back and recreate that time.

We drifted for a reason. We are different people now, and if they didn’t feel close enough to me to keep contact at the time (e.g ‘ooh we must do coffee some time’…& it never happens) I’m not going to getting all pally with them again now.

Indeed. I reconnected with an old school friend (I'll call her Jane) via Facebook after 40 years (she left school when we were 16, I didn't, neither of us had phones in the house and so didn't keep in touch) and we're still in touch - it's nice.

But someone ('Diane') I'd been really close to at school and for a couple of years beyond got in touch with Jane and asked her to ask me to friend her on facebook. I declined - Diane had cast me off the last time we met (age 20) in favour of her new friend and my memory of that clouds everything.

BauhausOfEliott · 12/11/2025 17:06

You still haven’t shared your own stories of reconnection, OP.

Dontcallmescarface · 12/11/2025 17:04

CuriousKangaroo · 12/11/2025 15:42

There are some right miserable people on this thread! I would love it if someone I had drifted away from got in touch. So often it’s just a result of circumstances or timing that it happens.

What's stopping you getting in touch with them?

newyorkhotel · 12/11/2025 16:44

You say its not transactional but come on, surely you would agree that a friendship cannot survive if only one person ever makes any effort? I dont expect all of my relationships to be exactly 50/50 that would be silly but if a relationship is 99% me putting in the effort and they contribute only 1% then its a parasitic relationship, not really a friendship.

As I said before, I am not chasing people who cant be arsed to reply to me, it makes me feel really shit

GreyCloudsLooming · 12/11/2025 16:42

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officiallybringing · 12/11/2025 16:42

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Original poster
officiallybringing · 12/11/2025 16:40

Vodkamartini3olives · 12/11/2025 15:15

Wow it's like walking into a room of teenagers who've been asked to unload the dishwasher ' fuck off, you can't tell me what to do'GrinGrin
I actually text my ex co worker yesterday. No fall out just life got busy. We are meeting for coffee later this week and I can't wait.

It is isn’t it, I didn’t expect this reaction at all. I didn’t realise so many people are this stubborn and transactional about friendship. So glad to hear your story and hope you have a lovely time.

OP posts:
Original poster
officiallybringing · 12/11/2025 16:38

CaminoPlanner · 12/11/2025 15:20

Ah, I did this a couple of years ago. Went to a school reunion. Someone I had loved wasn't there. Contacted her to say 'You were missed' Got back in touch - having not seen each other in forty years. Never stopped talking. As if no time had passed. Been on holiday together twice now, with another planned for next year.

That’s such a lovely story! So glad you’ve got this friendship back.

OP posts:
Zov · 12/11/2025 16:03

CuriousKangaroo · 12/11/2025 15:42

There are some right miserable people on this thread! I would love it if someone I had drifted away from got in touch. So often it’s just a result of circumstances or timing that it happens.

Then why don't YOU get in touch with THEM?! (These old friends from years gone by?!) And leave the rest of us 'miserable,' and 'cold-hearted' people to live our lives in peace, with the people we have in our lives now, who are important to us... Instead of railroading us into contacting some randoms from the past who we don't even know anymore, and will probably think 'WTF?' when they get a message on Facebook from someone they haven't heard from since 2009?!

SwingTheMonkey · 12/11/2025 15:56

CuriousKangaroo · 12/11/2025 15:42

There are some right miserable people on this thread! I would love it if someone I had drifted away from got in touch. So often it’s just a result of circumstances or timing that it happens.

I’m not miserable at all. I just have no inclination to contact anyone I’ve drifted apart from.

cramptramp · 12/11/2025 15:53

No. I don’t want to.

CuriousKangaroo · 12/11/2025 15:42

There are some right miserable people on this thread! I would love it if someone I had drifted away from got in touch. So often it’s just a result of circumstances or timing that it happens.

GreyCloudsLooming · 12/11/2025 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Misanthropologie · 12/11/2025 15:38

Why don't you do it first and tell us how it went?

Zimunya · 12/11/2025 15:37

Zov · 12/11/2025 13:16

This. ^

People drift apart/lose contact for a reason @officiallybringing I have no intention of 'reconnecting' with someone I knew from the past, who I lost contact with (or they lost contact with me.) My life has moved on, I have new hobbies, new priorities, and new friendships. As the saying goes 'friends come for a reason, for a season, or for life.'

So yeah, most friendships don't last, they are just handy/convenient/helpful/nice at the time, but once you lose contact, that means you and they have moved on. Also, there are some people who I lost contact with for a reason, and I wouldn't want them contacting me!!! There's a reason why I didn't give some people my new address when I moved to this village just over a decade ago,

Also

@officiallybringing
This is your sign to send the message to reconnect. We can discuss the outcome of sending that first message here

Why is YOUR thread/YOUR post the time for us all to reconnect with old friends and acquaintances, and then discuss it on here with you?! Confused

Bizarre thread! Also presumptuous and cheeky to tell people what to do!

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Quite.

Hoppinggreen · 12/11/2025 15:35

Look mate, you can reconnect or whatever with however you want but leave the rest of us alone

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 12/11/2025 15:35

That's a horrible realisation, @BlueDwarf. Flowers

Zov · 12/11/2025 15:33

ArtyNellie · 12/11/2025 15:29

Funeral pre paid. My husband and I have decided to pay for our funerals now. We agreed on a simple cremation with no attendees.
when we discussed this with my son and daughter, my daughter would prefer that we have a regular funeral not a direct cremation. We have small families and after loosing my mum this year we thought it would be a good idea to pay for the funerals job done. No expense for our adult children.
has anyone else made funeral plans? My husband does not want a funeral but I’m not so sure now. He thinks we should plan pay and forget about it!

Have you posted on the wrong thread?

ArtyNellie · 12/11/2025 15:29

Funeral pre paid. My husband and I have decided to pay for our funerals now. We agreed on a simple cremation with no attendees.
when we discussed this with my son and daughter, my daughter would prefer that we have a regular funeral not a direct cremation. We have small families and after loosing my mum this year we thought it would be a good idea to pay for the funerals job done. No expense for our adult children.
has anyone else made funeral plans? My husband does not want a funeral but I’m not so sure now. He thinks we should plan pay and forget about it!

Zov · 12/11/2025 15:26

Vodkamartini3olives · 12/11/2025 15:25

@Zov- who pissed on your chips?. Why so hostile,

I think you need to aim that at the OP luv. 😎

Vodkamartini3olives · 12/11/2025 15:25

@Zov- who pissed on your chips?. Why so hostile,

Zov · 12/11/2025 15:22

officiallybringing · 12/11/2025 14:48

Some really lovely posts on here, so glad for those that have been prompted to send that message for when life causes them to drift from someone that they had been close too. Also lovely to hear messages from those who have reconnected in the past and what doing so meant for them.

This isn’t a post for those who view friendships as transactional or whose opinion is “why should I bother if they haven’t?” It’s also stated from the beginning that this isn’t about major fall outs or estranged family members. With the pandemic having happened 5 years ago there are lots of people who had friendships that drifted.

So glad to have inspired those with beautiful warm hearts. 🥰

Oh, nice little passive-aggressive, thinly-veiled dig there! So people who aren't jumping up and doing exactly what you ordered them to do in your OP, are 'cold-hearted' are they? 😆

Seriously, @officiallybringing You are not doing yourself any favours, or encouraging anyone to do ANYthing that you tell them to do. Please stop! I'm cringing for you now!!! 😂

.

BlueDwarf · 12/11/2025 15:22

Nope.

I spent nearly a decade maintaining relationships with my friends from school/uni. Until a few years ago I would have said we were a very close friendship group.

One day, after a close family tragedy had left me devastated, I suddenly realised I hadn't heard a thing from any of them. If I didn't call, then there was no call unless they wanted something from me like support or a favour (which I was only ever too happy to give). If I didnt organise parties, dinners or holidays, no one else did. I never cared about the material things but it dawned on me that I and my dc never received gifts, but I always gave them.

My 'close' friendship group was completely happy excluding me unless I was being of use. And when I was upset and going through something myself, I was suddenly of no use.

That realisation hit like a ton of bricks. I can't say I don't miss having friends, but I can say I don't miss being used.

Kizmet1 · 12/11/2025 15:21

Zov · 12/11/2025 15:19

MARCH? Neither of you have a date free in your schedule for 4 months? Confused

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Well it's been four years! Another few months won't kill us! 🤣