DH told his friend he thinks his ex is more attractive than I am

I think he took her for granted and is now doing same with you. I think he is a classic man child who can’t commit. His ex is attractive to him because he can’t have her anymore. He’s childish and his friends sound like pains . He might have good points and you might have good reasons to love him but he has screwed up as far as your trust in him is concerned. If you don’t want to break up with him or aren’t ready yet, go out there and live your life to the fullest and leave him behind. Make it clear he is NOT the centre of your universe. Be polite and cordial but be a bit distant and not that interested in him . Watch him sulk as he realises he isn’t God’s gift to women kind . Good luck !

I’m also surprised at the posters focusing on the woman who told her and attacking her, whilst basically ignoring what the husbands done. I really dismay of why blame a man when you can find a woman to blame instead. It’s such a horrible misgynistic way to behave, and it’s even worse when it’s women on women.

as said earlier, I’d absolutely tell a friend this, there is no way I’d want everyone to know what he said and how he feels and basically lie by omission to her face and not mention it. I’d quietly do what this woman did, and tell the wife. And if that makes me a nasty bitch for not covering up for this man, then call me a nasty bitch, I’m proud to wear the badge if it means I don’t cover up men’s bad behaviour.

Absolutely this.

The husband admitted it and apologised. Sounds like the friend did it in a decent way - privately etc. I don’t know why she is being called nasty, she’s actually stuck her neck out to warn a friend about something that factually happened. I’d want to know, and would hope a friend would come and speak to me kindly about something like this. The OPs husband and the person who asked the question publicly embarrassed the OP, it was a really unkind and undermining thing to do. Especially publicly, with a group they socialise with regularly. Without the friend, the OP would just be walking around oblivious while a group of people are pitying her, and knowing something about her relationship that she doesn’t know.

With the double takes at the ex’s appearance, the comments, the kiss etc, maybe the friend was trying to give a heads up to the OP so she isn’t blindsided if there is something going on / going on in the future

He also admitted a few months in to our relationship that he had kissed her while drunk on a night out, but it was very early days for us.

Ooh no. No no no. If he fancied her enough to kiss her 1-2 years after they broke up then this won't have fully gone away 7 years later.

I agree completely, and I’m surprised others think the friend is being a bitch. I’d want to know, and I think the friend has been loyal here. Otherwise the OP would be going out with these people without knowing what had been said, and how her husband views his ex. It’s humiliating!

The friend has probably also faced some backlash from the OPs husband and the wider group for speaking up.

Looks like he's got a little bit of a pattern in how he treats women.

Why do so many women paint other women as trouble makers or gossips when they tell their friends that their partner has behaved badly? Would you all rather live in ignorance? Do you not expect loyalty from your friends? It's utterly bizarre to me, and I wonder what drives women like you, to label a woman as having bad intentions based on such little information? That's a genuine question, I don't get it at all.

The friend is definitely in a 'shoot the messenger' role here.

She's not made it up - she took the chance the OP would want to know.

If something hasn't happened that's even worse, I'd stake my mortgage on others in the group speculating.

Personally, I'd keep an eye and be grateful someone gave me the head's up.

Not sure I'd leave immediately - that sounds very drastic - but watch yourself OP.

It was insensitive, but with the follow up statement about looks not mattering I'd get over it. I should say I am a very 'one strike and you're out' kind of person generally, however;

EXH was objectively attractive. Physically took care of himself and would probably score 8.5 out of 10 on a general consensus.

He was also a nasty selfish abusive prick.

DP whom I have been with for 5 years is objectively less attractive, certainly more normal/average looking. However he is the best thing I have ever seen and I would still love him if he grew a second head.

I am a very average looking person also, and that's fine. His delivery was probably unnecessary but it doesn't sound like the end of the world.

And your friend should be kept at arms length.

He lied to you and cheated on you. Yes a kiss, even if early days, is still cheating.
That is not a good basis for a relationship.

He lied to you on the second date. Then cheated on you and you still got married and had kids. No wonder youre feeling insecure.
Also telling everyone he finds his ex prettier than you is just awful. I would feel so humiliated. Not sure if i could come back from that.

Maybe ive been single for too long, but to be honest, that would kill it for me.

The husband admitted it but downplayed and I think said it was a stupid thing to say. But he didn't deny it.

Personally I wouldn't have an issue with the statement as such, you say yourself that the ex is objectively gorgeous and you are plain. And he did add that it's not the looks that count.
Your 'friend' is a total shit-stirrer though.

Hmm.... I'm afraid that I wonder if something worse/slightly worse has happened but this is the thing the friend feels she can safely tell you about. She saw it directly, other stuff might be rumour.

The “friend” who told you this is nasty and you don’t even know if she has distorted what was said. If it’s reported accurately yanbu to feel upset.

It's crazy to me that you would even ask if you're making too big a deal out of this. You're clearly underreacting. Are you scared that you'll lose him if you react appropriately?

She's the one that got away for him and likely always will be, she's the ideal he holds you up to. If he kept that to himself and you never found out then okay, whatever. But not only does he keep her in his life, he actively tells people that know you all that he fancies her more than he does you.

He deliberately lied about the nature of their relationship to you early on because keeping her around meant more to him than being honest with you.

How do you come back from that? He cheated on you with her. He is more attracted to her than he is you. He would have her back in a heartbeat if he could. I couldn't put up with the embarrassment of this being my man.

I would leave. You will someday find someone who thinks you're amazing, the best thing he's ever laid his eyes on, and be delighted to be yours.

I'm just so sorry it took until after marriage and having a child to find out the truth.

I’d tell. If I heard a friends husband saying that, I’d tell her. Privately, empathetically. But I would not hear it and then pretend I didn’t know. And I’d want to know.

As others have already said, they all sound like immature, shit-stirring dicks. The friends for asking the question in the first place (frankly mind blowing and off the scale disrespectful to you), your DH for even entertaining it, never mind his actual response, and the “friend” who told you. Easy for me to say, but sounds like you’d be better off without any of them.

This 'friend' who told is not a real friend. Honestly - who does that?

I think your DH is an idiot for saying that in a group situation.But then again, how would we all fare if every conversation with friends got back to our partners?

Just a shitty thing for this friend to do, tbh. By the sounds of it you don't hve anything to worry about, but I can see why this would hurt.

I think this is not really about this comment - you have ongoing insecurities in your marriage - being married for life is very hard and you can't end it over a single comment .

It sounds like you feel down about life generally - thinking other people appear more fun etc than you.

your husband chose you for good reasons - I think you should have counselling or something like that with him to move on if you can. And maybe go out and have fun with him?

the comment is really bad tbh- he should not have said that to a group of people but - marriages have bumps - I think you need to focus more overall on how the marriage is and what needs work.

it's far too easy for people on mumsnet to say oh leave him etc, thats not how life works.

I agree.
They all sound like immature low class people.
Who even introduces such a subject?
Certainly not real decent friends.

Posters are correct, she rightly dumped him and he has been salivating ever since.

Likely telling himself the story of their breakup to salvage his ego.

She was completely out of his league in personality, looks and intelligence, having dumped him years ago.

Hence he was willing to meet and cheat with her when he subsequently got the chance, "the one that got away".

You look after yourself OP, do not depend on him.

I think he still fancies her I’m afraid but she doesn’t feel the same, I suspect it was less of a mutual break up than he’s told you. I think he hid it initially as it was so hard for him to talk about.

I’m not sure it’s enough to end a marriage over, as I think uou always knew he felt this way and chose to marry him and have a kid despite it. It is very hurtful though to hear it said out loud, and to all your friends who also know he still has a thing for her. I think you went into this knowing that. But to hear it spoken you’re second choice is brutal.

thr friend who told you, I don’t know, I don’t think it’s about her, and I personally would wish to know, not have everyone else knowing and not me.i feel it would be wrong for them to all know he’s pining after her but you not to.

i think you need to let it go. You can’t change how he feels op and I don’t think you want to end it.

His friend sounds like a stirrer; why would she say that to you?