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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so intrigued by America?

189 replies

hollyblueivy · 11/11/2025 23:18

AIBU to be so intrigued by America and just how vastly different it is to the UK despite both being rich modern nations?

Trump features a lot in the UK news and it has made me look into why the US seem so uncaring. Their systems to help the vulnerable are so different to ours. They have no right to housing so many can easily risk facing homelessness. With no national health service, access to healthcare is much more difficult and expensive, pushing people into deprivation even if they are working.

They don’t seem to have the same socialist heart as the UK and it gives a very much dog eat dog and every man for themselves culture.

I don’t think I fully appreciated this before. Anyone else?

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RedTagAlan · 15/11/2025 04:55

mathanxiety · 15/11/2025 04:26

I don't know why any university would rest on its laurels when it comes to securing its own funding, particularly now that we've all seen what trump is capable of when it comes to academic freedom and federal funding. An independent university sector is vital to the robustness and integrity of research.

The inability of British university administrators to think clearly when it comes to money has led to a crisis in British third level education.

There is enough tax revenue for SNAP, medicaid, and medicare, and the other quality of life support the federal government has provided for many decades now. Money is not the problem. The current iteration of the GOP just has an ideological aversion to the idea of community.

The GOP has been trying to cut SNAP since well before Trump. Their whole ideology is small government and "nothing for free"

What was it Reagan said. " The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help"

It could be argued that Repubs are not adverse to funding the elite universities is because they want their kids to go. All this legacy admissions and all that.

And a nice beefy donation also helps with admissions. Trump himself benefitted from that.

It's a system that is very open to corruption.

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 15/11/2025 04:55

I don't follow why for Americans it's still seen as completely normal, ( ignoring religious beliefs) for boys to be circumcised. Seems so behind the times. Why put your child through it? I don't get it.

mathanxiety · 15/11/2025 04:37

Clarabell77 · 15/11/2025 04:20

But the point is that’s not a very “Christian” way to look at it, is it?

Either they have cans of formula sitting in the church office or they don't.

I suspect the point of the 'called 50 churches' spiel was to bash churches. The level of support throughout the US that is offered by organisations such as Catholic Charities is massive. Catholic Charities in Chicago alone feeds meals to over 30,000 people per week and stocks food banks that serve approximately 55,000 per week, in addition to thousands of meals on wheels weekly.

Even in deeply rural regions where Catholics are very much in the minority and their neighbours think the Pope is the antichrist, Catholic dioceses and parishes provide for the pressing practical needs of the poor - paying utility bills, providing direct food assistance, diapers, clothing, etc.

mathanxiety · 15/11/2025 04:26

RedTagAlan · 12/11/2025 15:18

That's true. But the fella is probably not going without.

We could play who goes without poker.

I raise you food stamps. Next time the repubs claim there is not enough tax revenue to fund SNAP, people will go without.

It's not as if US Universities are struggling. Not the big ones. Harvard has over 50 billion in endowments, and still begs for donations.

20 Colleges With the Biggest Endowments | The Short List: Colleges | U.S. News (usnews.com)

I don't know why any university would rest on its laurels when it comes to securing its own funding, particularly now that we've all seen what trump is capable of when it comes to academic freedom and federal funding. An independent university sector is vital to the robustness and integrity of research.

The inability of British university administrators to think clearly when it comes to money has led to a crisis in British third level education.

There is enough tax revenue for SNAP, medicaid, and medicare, and the other quality of life support the federal government has provided for many decades now. Money is not the problem. The current iteration of the GOP just has an ideological aversion to the idea of community.

Clarabell77 · 15/11/2025 04:20

YankSplaining · 12/11/2025 00:29

Also - if she called them on the phone, they don’t have any evidence that she even has a baby. People steal baby formula to sell it for money and scammers like to prey on people’s sense of charity.

But the point is that’s not a very “Christian” way to look at it, is it?

Beekman · 15/11/2025 04:20

freakingscared · 15/11/2025 04:11

No because it’s much more

It is but I was just simplifying it for someone who doesn’t live in the States. It is very broadly the equivalent of council tax but pays for different things. My point was it’s not an extra ‘house value’ tax on top of everything else.

mathanxiety · 15/11/2025 04:12

Genevieva · 12/11/2025 20:54

All slavery in British colonies was banned in 1833. Because Britain operated a light-touch devolved approach to colonial administration, that meant that the colonies all had to agree. They negotiated, so Westminster offered to pay them the market value of every slave they owned. Remember the colonial residents didn’t pay tax to Britain, so essentially the British taxpayer shouldered the entire burden of paying for their freedom through a loan that was only paid off in 2015.

The slave trade was banned by Britain in 1807. As well as policing the Atlantic and Indian oceans to prevent British vessels from illegally transporting slaves, they took it upon themselves to intercept ships flying the flags of other countries (eg the US and Spain) and free those slaves.

Slavery has not been recognised on English soil since at least the Norman Conquest. Slaves are chattels / property. In English jurisprudence there is no recognition of the ability to own a person because everyone is equal before the law and deserving of the same legal rights under the law. This tradition was clarified in the 17th century with the Habeas Corpus Act 1679 on unlawful detention, the Bill of Rights 1689 and several examples of case law in the 18th century when colonists came to Britain with slaves and the judge Lord Mansfield ruled that they were free men the moment they set foot on English soil and could not be compelled to return to the ship from whence they came. Consequently, slave owners didn’t bring slaves here and had to make do with paid servants instead.

Until 1776, when the thirteen colonies became independent of Britain, that 'light touch' administration of the colonies meant that slavery flourished for over 150 years in what became the United States. This was a time when the vast majority of immigrants to the US came from Britain.

The abolition of slavery didn't stop mill owners of Britain from importing American cotton for many decades afterwards. Britain had its own alternative sources of raw materials in the remainder of its empire too. The looting of the empire remains a major part of the grudge borne by former colonies.

The money made by enslavers went a long way toward building the economy of Britain.

freakingscared · 15/11/2025 04:11

Beekman · 15/11/2025 02:15

It’s the equivalent of council tax, that’s all

No because it’s much more

mathanxiety · 15/11/2025 03:53

freakingscared · 15/11/2025 02:01

The thing that shocks me most in USA is the property tax . The concept to pay yearly based on the price of your property repeatedly is shocking

Property taxes and business taxes are levied by counties and municipalities to pay for all sorts of local schools, services, and resources. As in the UK, you get what you pay for. Perhaps Americans are more used to the idea that the money to pay for all the services they use has to come from somewhere, amd because of the federal / state/ county/ township/ municipality structure, local control is guaranteed. People vote for the county assessor and all of the other officials whose competence makes a difference in their lives, and therefore these officials are accountable. There is a huge degree of local control over the purse strings in the US.

Property taxes provide what residents are willing to pay for on local and county level - local libraries, great SEN provision, police, schools, parks and park district services, public pools, tennis courts, basketball courts, beach volleyball courts, playgrounds, forestry/ tree care, animal control, public health department, streets and sanitation, and building code enforcement, and on the county level water reclamation/ sewage treatment, sheriff dept, courts, public health departments, county jails, county hospitals, and much, much more.

People pay for what benefits them and what benefits others. Ultimately, a municipality that boasts great public services and schools and has a good reputation for public safety is one where your home will likely appreciate in value.

BeeWitchy · 15/11/2025 03:46

Toddlerteaplease · 15/11/2025 03:26

Why would anyone think a church would give out formula? Surely they would refer people to a food bank.

Well 4 churches and a mosque didn’t turn her down - some people obviously thought they could find a way to help a mother feed a baby.

Toddlerteaplease · 15/11/2025 03:26

Pinkbowls · 12/11/2025 00:09

Did you see the video of the women who rang over 50 churches to ask for a tub of baby formula and all said no bar 4 churches and when she phoned a mosque they said yes straight away.

Why would anyone think a church would give out formula? Surely they would refer people to a food bank.

Beekman · 15/11/2025 02:15

freakingscared · 15/11/2025 02:01

The thing that shocks me most in USA is the property tax . The concept to pay yearly based on the price of your property repeatedly is shocking

It’s the equivalent of council tax, that’s all

Momtotwokids · 15/11/2025 02:13

hollyblueivy · 11/11/2025 23:18

AIBU to be so intrigued by America and just how vastly different it is to the UK despite both being rich modern nations?

Trump features a lot in the UK news and it has made me look into why the US seem so uncaring. Their systems to help the vulnerable are so different to ours. They have no right to housing so many can easily risk facing homelessness. With no national health service, access to healthcare is much more difficult and expensive, pushing people into deprivation even if they are working.

They don’t seem to have the same socialist heart as the UK and it gives a very much dog eat dog and every man for themselves culture.

I don’t think I fully appreciated this before. Anyone else?

People here do get help with housing, food, phones, and healthcare.

freakingscared · 15/11/2025 02:01

The thing that shocks me most in USA is the property tax . The concept to pay yearly based on the price of your property repeatedly is shocking

CarolinaInTheMorning · 14/11/2025 13:38

It’s difficult to unpick what comes through the media.

I'm not sure what or how UK media have reported the status of abortion rights in the US, but it's important to note that the Supreme Court did not outlaw abortion in the US. They decided that abortion rights were not a federally protected right based on the majority's interpretation of the Constitution. That left abortion legislation up to the individual states, which was the state of the law pre-Roe v. Wade.

CharSiu · 14/11/2025 09:25

My older brothers moved to America to study on full scholarship type programmes and have now lived there for almost 40 years. They have done remarkably well and are the embodiment of the American dream, in total I have spent 18 months in America on holiday and enjoyed every minute.

My family were already immigrants from mainland China then to Hong Kong and then the UK. I would say the two generations above me despised anything remotely socialist as lost everything under the Communists, they also suffered under the Japanese as did the entire country. They have done well to shake off their history of comfort women, Unit 731 and war atrocities and become the nation of anime and Hello kitty. My family were Nationalist’s and anti Mao.

America encourages self sufficiency because you have to be, I think the UK had a sweet spot for the welfare state but we are past that.

estellacandance · 14/11/2025 08:21

If I could emigrate to the USA I would. Most of my distant relatives emigrated there.

My DCs may move. They see the UK as a failing state.

I think I have an outlook which would be more suited to the American culture. I feel at odds with most Brits/European. Eg if I lived rurally / alone I’d keep a gun in the house. I don’t want abortion to be illegal but I’d rather it was discouraged. I don’t like the big nanny state. I think families & communities should have legal & moral obligations to each other. I prefer the devolved model of state laws rather than the centralised states of Europe. I prefer that schools are secular. There are also fewer private schools. Having awful NHS experiences I’d take the US system in a heartbeat. If there I could have at least sued for negligence, with the NHS I felt a moral obligation not to pursue them for compensation so they have more money to treat others. I love my car so would be happy with the car culture there! What I’d love most is the lower tax!

Sharptonguedwoman · 14/11/2025 07:31

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 13/11/2025 23:35

The details of which states have exactly which abortion rules would be too long to list here but you can google it. Generally the blue states have much easier access to abortion and the red states either make it harder or try to ban it. But no, far more states than just California make it easy and cheap to get an abortion, and many have express laws in place to protect that right.

Thanks. It’s difficult to unpick what comes through the media.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 13/11/2025 23:35

Sharptonguedwoman · 13/11/2025 18:49

Which states though? California?

The details of which states have exactly which abortion rules would be too long to list here but you can google it. Generally the blue states have much easier access to abortion and the red states either make it harder or try to ban it. But no, far more states than just California make it easy and cheap to get an abortion, and many have express laws in place to protect that right.

Sharptonguedwoman · 13/11/2025 18:49

Beekman · 12/11/2025 00:56

Abortion pills can be prescribed online and sent by post and if necessary, you can refer yourself directly to a clinic that performs abortions. The whole process is quicker than in the UK (if you want it to be).

Which states though? California?

Genevieva · 12/11/2025 20:54

Sharptonguedwoman · 12/11/2025 19:14

Think we banned slavery rather earlier, if one was being picky. Recognised as illegal in 1770s and outright ban in 1830s v USA 1865.

All slavery in British colonies was banned in 1833. Because Britain operated a light-touch devolved approach to colonial administration, that meant that the colonies all had to agree. They negotiated, so Westminster offered to pay them the market value of every slave they owned. Remember the colonial residents didn’t pay tax to Britain, so essentially the British taxpayer shouldered the entire burden of paying for their freedom through a loan that was only paid off in 2015.

The slave trade was banned by Britain in 1807. As well as policing the Atlantic and Indian oceans to prevent British vessels from illegally transporting slaves, they took it upon themselves to intercept ships flying the flags of other countries (eg the US and Spain) and free those slaves.

Slavery has not been recognised on English soil since at least the Norman Conquest. Slaves are chattels / property. In English jurisprudence there is no recognition of the ability to own a person because everyone is equal before the law and deserving of the same legal rights under the law. This tradition was clarified in the 17th century with the Habeas Corpus Act 1679 on unlawful detention, the Bill of Rights 1689 and several examples of case law in the 18th century when colonists came to Britain with slaves and the judge Lord Mansfield ruled that they were free men the moment they set foot on English soil and could not be compelled to return to the ship from whence they came. Consequently, slave owners didn’t bring slaves here and had to make do with paid servants instead.

Genevieva · 12/11/2025 20:43

Americans give much more generously to charity and charities provide a lot of the support that the state (taxpayer) provides in European countries. It’s swings and roundabouts.

Andylion · 12/11/2025 20:41

HermioneWeasley · 12/11/2025 13:02

If you read the Laura Ingalls Wilder “little house” books, you’ll get a great insight into the American psyche. It was settled by people who were hard working and self reliant, who built log cabins either their bare hands and crossed the country in covered wagons in the dead of winter. They expect to work hard and provide for themselves and their families, and success is seen as a good thing. Also that guns were essential.

Canada has the same history of settlement on the prairies, yet our political culture is very different from the states'.

Sharptonguedwoman · 12/11/2025 19:14

Beekman · 12/11/2025 00:12

And what part of the UK’s booming economy wasn’t dependent on slavery at the same time?

Think we banned slavery rather earlier, if one was being picky. Recognised as illegal in 1770s and outright ban in 1830s v USA 1865.

00PrettyHateMachine00 · 12/11/2025 18:59

YankSplaining · 12/11/2025 18:25

And even once the US was past the log cabin era, the philosophy that you can get ahead with planning and hard work persisted. It hasn’t and doesn’t work out for everyone, but the twentieth century had a lot of “rags-to-middle-class” stories like my great-grandfather’s. In the early 1900s, he came to the US from Warsaw as a thirteen-year-old kid who didn’t speak English. His father abandoned the family weeks after their arrival. My great-grandfather grew up and worked as a bartender, then bought and ran a boarding house. After that, he became a real estate agent, and he died at 98 with all six of his (surviving) children and their children living comfortable lives in the suburbs. He didn’t finish high school. His children all finished high school, some of his grandchildren went to college, and one of his grandsons became a lawyer. Now most of his great-grandchildren are college graduates. That’s the sort of family history that Americans are proud of.

Bravo to your grandad, such a great achievement!

My grandad's story is worse, but also similar in some ways. His parents were shot by the russians (during the soviet occupation), his 6 siblings and him were exiled to Siberia. He was the oldest. 12 years old. 2 siblings out of 7 survived, including my grandad.

He grew up in Siberia. He was extremely strong man and worked in forestry, gruelling physical job in freezing conditions, not much machinery-wise there. Managed to save up money even there, doing his main job and stuff on the side. Married my grandma there. During the amnesty, they came back to our own country, bought land, started farming. Later started another business. They prospered. Worked like oxen, but prospered. He couldn't read and write himself (grandma could). Their children, including my dad, went to unis. All three children had business brains, became wealthy.

I honestly don't understand the 'welfare states' such as UK. We're not America, but similar in thinking, in a way. The government is not viewed as a lady bountiful, who will come and give, and support you and do stuff for you. It's viewed more as hindrance, an irritation, a necessary evil which you need to circumnavigate and make your own life.

There is no 'benefit money'. No one owes you anything. An adult person is responsible for themselves and their offspring. You work and support yourself. It's that simple. We do have support for extremely physically ill, a few months-worth of payment if you lost your job and paid enough taxes beforehand, and we do have foodbanks here and there. That's it. No government housing, no handouts. You work, you earn, you make your life. Don't want to work - be homeless and live in the streets. The taxpayer is not responsible for you or your children.

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