Dh think i'm obsessed with work

Hon, this doesn't exactly relate to your issue but let me just share with you a story of mine:

So my DP accuses me of "being on the phone all the time" when we are traveling. For context, this is a road trip, just the two of us... Sometimes going to places we've been to before and sometimes to new places.

When I am "on the phone",
it is to check traffic (he gets really annoyed when we run into construction so I find alternate routes),
to check weather (not just any old weather, but severe storm / tornado / heavy wind / wildfire updates),
to look up places of interest in the next town that we will be visiting (and when I say interest I don't mean my interest I mean his interest, I'm not talking about a shop I would like to visit or restaurant that has a type of food that I fancy that he doesn't... I mean museums and displays and other things in his area of interest),
booking a hotel for the evening (and doing research on the road to find the best price, the best included breakfast with all the foods that he likes most... Like if I choose a hotel in which the included breakfast does not have bagels or a meat like bacon/sausage then he moans about it... So I have to search through reviews, most recent first, that specifically mention breakfast and if they mention what type of hot foods are available)
I could give more examples but I think you understand what I'm doing on my phone.

What I am not doing on my phone is: watching videos, listening to podcasts, looking at jokes, personal emails etc.
But if he glances over while driving and sees me on the phone, then he gets mad. Even when I say "hey, I'm checking the road report up ahead, I just found a museum that you were interested in, I looked up the directions to it, the admission price, and their hours..."

He doesn't apologize, but he'll say some offhand dismissive excuse like "well I didn't know what you were doing" or he'll say "when I see you on your phone I think that you're not interested in being with me"...
To which again I remind him that I'm 100% invested in our trip, that I'm looking up things to make our trip better, easier, smoother.
He always appreciates when I pick a great hotel, find a fantastic museum, locate away around construction detours etc, and yet, he has to have complained about this 500 times in the last 5 years.

You think he would learn.
You think I would.

Not sure if this helps, but I understand how you're feeling about this. You're not disrupting family life with your work, but he's making it sound like you are.
And it's unfair.

You have a DH problem, not a problem with being over consumed by your work! I disagree that you are ‘obsessed’ with work, I am because it’s my company and I can definitely say that what you are describing sounds, given what you have said, perfectly reasonable and normal. If he wants to see obsessed send him to me for a week (and I say that with a DH that supports me wholeheartedly as and when needed even though it regularly disrupts our lives).

He just expects you to be the dutiful wife at his beck and call and needs calling out on his serious double standards!

In case you don’t know this, you don’t have to stay with him

he’s a fucking nobhead and literally anyone is better than being with him (so is being single)

Well done sounds like you are smashing it at work.

your DH sounds like a dick. The double standards around all of it would make me rage. He obviously thinks he is the important one and you are lesser.

if you have a boy and a girl is he going to make the girl feel lesser as well?

Wow!

Insecure and sexist! Can't cope with you having success. Please don't sort the childcare for February, your plans were made first - he needs to sort it as his plans came along later. Surely he should be doing everything after 2pm for the kids and house.

With all due respect your husband sounds like a dick.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can't even congratulate you for your distinction?
Fuck him off and live happily ever after (I'm sort of joking here)

Well done for your award.

Your dh sounds deeply unpleasant.

Regardless of him, well done on your accomplishments x

This @Cantdoright86 and I bet he hasn’t got a course that week he said he has, either

When you leave him, and I hope you do, your job and career will stand you in good stead to build a better future for you and your children.

You lost me at moans constantly. Can’t abide moaner.

Wow. So he resents your professional success.

What exactly does he contribute to your life that’s positive and not accompanied by moaning and whinging?

He sounds a delight! What an arsehole!

Please don’t let him diminish your financial security…he doesn’t sound like he is invested in your being a team together

He's jealous. Congratulations by the way.

He’s a jealous tosser just laugh when he gives you a hard time say I’m only doing what you do working for my wages I’m not obsessed at all if I worked weekends for free then you can complain but right now I do what is needed and it benefits us all. Spend your bonus on yourself that will shut him up!

My DH did a slight version of this on me the past and I stood my ground, refused to sound apologetic and just told him what was happening rather than sounding like I was asking permission. He has stopped it now. I've got a line waiting for if he tries it again: I'm at home 95% of the time. Are you really saying I have to be at home 99%? Can I not have that 4% to see the outside world? I honestly don't think he sees it from my perspective sometimes. Your DH sounds similar. Stand firm and he'll get used to it.

Ive got one of those op. For many years I was the higher earner and had the more flexible job (civil service). God the moaning if I went out with colleagues after our annual big event which had meant 3 months of hard slog.

I do think you need to give as good as you get and point out the hypocrisy. I didn’t do that for a quiet life but I do think now maybe I should have - and he could have maybe changed. The whinging doesn’t get any better though in my experience - even as the kids get older.

He’s just a big standard wanker op. Start calling him on it. ‘You just really dislike parenting your own children.’ ‘Many women have husbands who are supportive of them working, must be nice.’ ‘We coukd plan a holiday half term but you probably dont want to come since we need my job to be able to afford that’
and re the conference/working away way very very clearly ‘next time there’s a work clash like this I expect us to prioritise my job, if you can’t manage that then we should do counselling and consider separating’

because you should.

If he gets his laptop out in the evening I'm not allowed to say anything WTF? You're not "allowed" to point out what a misogynistic hypocrite he is?

Nothing more unattractive than a man who is threatened by his wife’s success and intelligence.

I don’t know what to say, he’s clearly just an arsehole who doesn’t even seem to like you.

You're unreasonable for not having torn him a new one the first time he pulled this crap. Why are you still with him?

If he gets his laptop out on the evening i'm not allowed to say anything. If I get mine out I get a 20 minute lecture on how i'm obsessed with work.

So have you pointed out his double standards to him? What does he say about it? Frankly in that situation I would tell him to shut the fuck up before he got two minutes into his lecture and present a list of the last 10 times he was working on his laptop in the evening.