DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

Yes dh has always out-earned me considerably but we will retire together - I can’t imagine a state of the world where he’d suggest he puts his feet up and I carry on FT work.

DH and I are the opposite of you, I’m the high earner and he took on more flexible roles when the kids were young (we both suffered equally with night wakings though!). As a result my pension pot is 5 or 6 times what his is, but all decisions about retirement will be based on when we can both give up work and have the lifestyle that we want, there’s no way I’d retire without him doing the same. Plan is to get the mortgage paid by mid/late 50s then see where we are. I doubt either of us will retire fully then as we don’t like being idle, but you never know!

Your DH is a selfish dick!

I think the major issue here is that your balance isn't fair. He's in this position because the way in which you have managed finances during the marriage has penalised you for childcare.

If he could take early retirement whilst also doing as much as possible to sort your pension out, that would be more fair. I accept this is much tougher in your 50s but nobody has a time machine. However, as things stand he's looking at taking it on the back of your time out.

Another example of why yours and mine doesnt work. Its our money when you are a family unit.

Point out that if he takes early retirement you will be doing the same and his pension needs to cover both of you. If not its not possible. If he disagrees then point out that in a divorce its part of the family unit assets and 50% yours and you will HAVE to divorce him to protect your future.

"Brilliant news! So glad you've got enough to start thinking about putting your pension pot to good use!

How much is the tax-free lump sum you'll get? Obviously we'll need to use that to pay off a chunk of the mortgage, allowing you to take over the (now smaller) mortgage payments, so I can use my earnings to build up my pension pot and investments over the next few years. That'd really help our future fiances, as you know I lost out on all those earnings when we had the children.

Totally take your point about having to cut back, that makes sense. But it would be nice for me not to have to worry about any household stuff as you'll have plenty of time, so I'll be able to enjoy my non-working days a bit more.

I might even have enough time to have some weekends away with friends myself, especially as you're in a position to pick up the household and financial slack. You massive cockwomble."

Most people want to travel, enjoy hobbies, etc in retirement, not sit around counting the cost of every teabag. Is he planning to lead a financially “stretched” existence for possibly 40 years, and expect you to fall in with that?

How utterly dismal. He’s a relatively young man.

You need to start by consulting an IFA and probably a lawyer. Even if you don’t divorce you need all of that information to protect yourself.

In our 50s there is very little time to correct mistakes and catch up. Decisions now will affect your quality of life until the day you die. Inform yourself, urgently.

Start by emailing payroll about your pensions contributions. Please get this kicked off for next payroll run.

I agree with all of this. Also, some of these women who retire early could be single women.

I'd point out that your contribution to child rearing has left you worse off and he needs to help with that shortfall not start making plans to travel while you're working. Actually I think I'd say, if you retire so will I, so it'll be more than the odd takeaway that gets sacrificed.
As others have pointed out, the suggestion of divorcing him to gain access to your half of his pension may encourage him to think through his early retire plans.

Good luck op. You have got this, and have many choices. Hopefully he will see this is far better for you to work as a couple.

So he will have time to cook and clean then?

@Aggyagro Tell your husband that early retirement sounds like a great idea for his wellbeing, but not so great for yours. So you'll divorce him, and get half of his pension.
That way, you can also enjoy an earlier and more comfortable retirement, and everyone will be happy.

Joke aside, pensions are shared assets in a married couple. You supported him with childcare for years, he has to continue supporting you, including in retirement.

Op he is being incredibly selfish. You need to stand your ground and say no to this nonsense.

Good luck @Aggyagro based on all your updates he’s completely U. He has plenty of options to go PT or look for a job with better terms without going to zero whilst you keep working. I see you didn’t even have SAH or v PT years, and he didn’t pay into your pension. Definitely taking you for a ride if he thinks he’s entitled to 15 years of extra retirement…

I think I would tell him how unfair he was being and let him know that if he was seriously planning on doing this then your plan would be to divorce him and claim half his pension, so he should make sure to factor than into his calculations.

Hmm. We’re retiring next year-together. We earn similar amounts, both have decent pensions. I may well do part time, I love my job. Significantly, tho, it was a mutual decision and we’ve done a monthly spreadsheet for years, so we know we won’t be massively affected by doing this.

Your Dh needs to do the sums to demonstrate that you won’t be supporting him, I just don’t see how it would be fair otherwise. Why does he get to ‘travel’ while you still work? That’s going to cause major resentment. Are all 3 dc out of education now? Living away from home?

Then he can't afford to retire. Will he still make the same financial contribution to the family budget after retirement?

Excellent post

This. And why are you paying the mortgage? You should be paying less than him because he earns more and because you have pension contributions to make up for. He’s absolutely taken the piss allowing you to pay for all of this while he loads up his pension.

This.

Most couple plan and arrange a joint retirement plan surely . It seems very I’m doing this and you’re doing that .