DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

I use Exodus

as they don\t have single supplement charges - unless you want to pay them

and some adventures in many different countries

but I also do weekend breaks solo, Vienna for the Christmas markets, Berlin, Lisbon, Poland, Latvia etc I follow an account on TikTok about getting great value trips

Absolutely this.

Following on from previous.

I do at least one or more trips solo or with friends or family. OH free to do same.

You cannot forgo the luxuries you work hard for, simply to fund basic life bc he's decided he's ready to retire.

My OH is retired. He retired when I had DD, and I returned to work. He thought he'd have an easy life at home, and clearly thought his ex-wife had leisurely life while he worked.

I did nothing to dispel this myth. He does lion share of the cooking & shopping, most of laundry, cleaning and other household stuff.

DD is now 16 and he's now starting to enjoy his well earned retirement 😂

IMO.

Hes allowed to retire if he wants to.
Have hubby pay the outstanding contributions to your national insurance - so you'll be eligible for full pension once that time arrives.

Plan any expensive trips, household maintenance or large purchases prior to his retirement. So your not left with that responsibility afterwards, or miss out on travel bc he's decided to tighten his purse strings.

Change the system - each of you pays half each for bills, food and other shared life expenses. including saving for emergency spends.

You should not be working simply so he can enjoy retirement.

Each of you then keeps your disposable income to yourselves, to be spent or saved however you like.

And s he's now retired at home, it will make sense for him to the lions share of household admin.

I don't mean, you ignore it entirely but change the framing to "I'll help you with"
Shopping, cooking, laundry, hoovering, dusting etc

In our house, the unspoken rule is, if you see it needs doing, you do it. I don't see as much bc I'm not in the house. Admittedly, his eyesight sometimes fails him. But on the whole, it works.

So in summary, of course he can decide to retire but there'll be more consequences/sacrifices for him to make than you both giving up takeaways.

The Government is concerned about the growing number of economically inactive women in their fifties.

yeah but the government isn't counting the saving they are reaping from this

If youre still working, then you can book and travel solo - that'll give him a shock. Do mention you'll be working out when you can retire, but will be travelling for all of your annual leave to far flung places and if he can't afford to join you then so be it - you'll go solo

My Dad actually did take early retirement and take on all the cooking, washing, household management etc while my Mum reached the peak of her career. My Mum was in a very stressful job and benefited from the practical and emotional support. The difference is, they were a couple who made life plans together.

Rather than cutting back on luxuries, he could top up his pension with a small, low stress part time job.

An excuse?

Being a full-time carer for a loved one with MND or PSP or Alzheimers is harder than most jobs.

He obviously didn’t factor in that you have massively sacrificed your retirement prospects to bring up children and care for him after his op, run the house etc. He seems to just see it as he “paid more to the bills now it’s your turn to pay the mortgage”. What a prized twat. So glad you’ve seen the light op!

Am I being naive - DH and I have always put all our salary etc into the joint account which has paid of all the household bills and for DC's. He was by far the biggest earner while I worked very few hours and did most of the house stuff cooking, shopping sorting the DC's then he took early retirement and I increased my hours became the higher earner and he did the house stuff. It is our money not mine or his.

Reading the part where she states that her pension contributions took a knock because she took time out with their children, his continued, allowing him to finish working so much earlier and just seems grossly unfair. No issue with him retiring early, the issue is that OP doesn't have the same luxury within their "partnership!"

I also took time out and worked minimal hours with our children and my only pension contributions came via "child benefit stamp" at that time. My husband kept contributing to his whilst working but we both see that as our future.

I hope the OP re reads her post and sees it all how most of us see it, the contribution 50% despite different incomes, pension knock due to family commitments etc...

What does he actually do all day? Unless you live in a fifteen bedroom mansion? I think you are being a bit naive tbh. Time rich to do what exactly?

Brilliant! The selfish fucker has really shot himself in the foot hasn't he!

A friend of mine has a husband in his early 50s who retired, similar set up, he just idles about aimlessly, ford not really do anything all day

i totally could not cope with this from a partner 😬 even if you take away the money aspect, to live with someone who has nowhere to go and nothing to do, takes no pride in looking after the home/garden/life but literally does a bit of his hobby and a whole load of daytime tv… would not be for me. Why live like a really old person if you are not even old?

If you have projects and ideas and do lots of DIY and hobbies and other things great. Maybe. But to just do nothing and watch your partner work?! Nah..

I do wonder about what’s going on in his head there thought retiring 15 years ahead of you was a sound plan @Aggyagro - glad it is getting sorted. I do think you should see a financial adviser together, I’d also suspect he has hidden money that he was planning to use for fun stuff for him.

it sounds like you both chucked as much as you could into pensions until you’re 57, you could possibly both retire early together if you’re close but would have to make cutbacks. Not sure why he didn’t start from there…

You need to tell him that you’re retiring too, and you can live on the total of both pensions.

I have a different perspective this.

My DH retired at 57. I got a late promotion at 55 which meant it made sense for me to keep working to maximise my pension. After some hard years I finally have the job I love and find it rewarding.
Unlike most posters I don’t feel I ‘sacrificed’ anything during the years our children were younger. I am grateful that DH worked full time during these years allowing me to take a two year career break and then work part time to concentrate on our DC and keep our home running.
Now it’s his turn to be time rich and reap the benifit of the years he slogged away at work.

its worked well for us. He does the majority of the housework and cooking while I’m at work. This means our weekends and any annual leave days are not swallowed up by domestic tasks and we can fully enjoy them together.
DH has never looked back since retiring and while I might have preferred him to do a few more years to increase his pension, he has no regrets at all and feels he has gained three years of life to do what interests him after years of being a wage slave.
its my turn to make the bigger contribution to the household budget after years of being the second earner. I don’t resent it at all.(other than getting up on winter mornings leaving him in bed)

He likes telling you you are crap with money? Hmm.

Suggest both you and he go and see his or yours IFA or if he doesn't have one then a local one TOGETHER and say

X is retiring. How will he provide for himself? And what should I do, having lost out on pensions over the years? Etc.

Point out the day he retires, he takes over all the household chores and cleaning.

He sounds a dick, sadly. Smirking at you.

My husbands grandfather retired at 52. He’s now 80, bored shitless, divorced at sixty as his wife got fed up of him doing nothing all day. I don’t think early retirement is a great idea from a morale point of view. Could he have a sabbatical of some sort?

Why are you paying half? I couldn’t be bothered with a marriage where it’s all egalitarian.

His behaviour is wrong across the board.

Either he is entitled and lazy, and under the illusion that you were on holiday while raising your children and now thinks it's his turn to be on holiday or he has an ulterior motive.

What is your relationship like otherwise?
Could he be preparing for divorce and not want to have to pay maintenance?

I know a couple where the man deliberately got himself fired ahead of his divorce so that his maintenance payments would be much less.

Yep, and on top of this, he will be sitting on his arse for the next 17 years whilst his wife is then forced to keep working full-time paying their mortgage off herself. Without any discussion whatsoever with his wife. He has absolutely no respect for his wife. Horrible man.

The more I think about this the more it sounds like a bit of financial abuse.
You pay half of bills, while he is the higher earner, you pay the morgage and he has looked after his pension.
He mistakenly thinks his pension is his and for him, and has been looking after number one, while you sacrificed yourself for the children.

He's despicable.

Now it’s time to start hassling him about YOUR “dream travel plans…” make it stuff he’d hate like traditional caravanning in the Carpathian Mountains, bungee jumping in Thailand, volunteering to build wells in Sub-Saharan Africa. (He’d sound like such a dick if he complained about this one).

This was actually my thought too.

I would be going through all the finances carefully and looking at options now. He sounds ridiculous - fair enough if he’s had enough of his job, he can always change jobs or even (if finances permit) reduce his hours but to go fully retired by mid 50s but without the money to do anything with is just nuts!

Unless he’s a very high earner and has income elsewhere I don’t think retiring At 50 works.

he could literally life for another 50 years, my grandpa is 95 and going strong!

At 50 you’re able to really make a lot of money! So many career women I know are getting into their 6 figure stride in there 50s!