DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

@Aggyagro I did exactly the same, freelance, took eye off of the ball pension wise despite Ft or near ft work…and thought, it’ll be ok as DH is saving into his pension. I’m trying to make up for it now. My dh otoh hasn’t suggested I work longer than him to recover pension contributions lost during that time as he appreciates I put the kids first.

thing is he has always been a gold digger, youve paid half and he has not done half the work - leaving you pension poor and he has made his money from scrounging off you

now if he wants to retire he needs to be doing all the housework, cooking etc and paying his half of the bills and mortgage

suddenly he reverts to type and wants to sponge from you again... well there is a surprise - some people don't change

I definitely don't think it's a conversation of telling your partner your going to do X if it puts them under greater financial burden.

DH and I have discussed early retirement (from 60/61) and we both are just under 40 but it gives us the time to use AVCs and build that pot in order to do so reasonably comfortably. Wouldn't be masses each (between 25-30k a year each) until state pension age (public sector pensions linked) but as a couple should be able to enjoy ourselves assuming our house is paid off.

He's a princess and you're his provider.

Sadly from the way you describe your vs your H’s work and parenting it sounds like you weren’t savvy about much more than your pension situation.

seems like this man didn’t even do any weekday parenting (drop offs etc) or night parenting.

Stop letting him walk all over you!

I think even mentioning this to him might change his perspective. He's behaving as if you're two separate financial entities, not a joint venture. If you pull out, he's coughing up half, like it or not.

This is so very unequal - you're supposed to be partners and your sacrifices for your family allowed him to build his pension. But now he's not supporting you and is in fact enforcing further sacrifice, mainly from you, as you try to build your own pension. It's not on and he's out of order for not even considering the impact of that.

The words 'patchwork of jobs' lead me to suggest to you that you should/must contact the Pension Tracing Service to ensure that you claim ALL your pensions when the time comes. (My own experience with them has, I believe, won me an extra £50 a week for life, as they traced one with a bit of SERPS in it).

This is not a decision he should be making by himself.
Even if you could easily afford it and money wasn't an issue, it is still a huge change and needs a discussion or many discussions for you both to come up with a plan that works for you both.
I know someone who is planning on doing this and to help fill his days and also fund it he has started up a small business that he is growing.
Now he and his wife can happily afford to retire even without the business but it would meen a big change in lifestyle for them so they discussed it and came up with a plan. He's unhappy with his work and wants out. That is fine so they spent a while figuring out what to do. Their discussions of it went deep into everything and they even talked at length with myself and my wife too so they could get an outside perspective. That is what a healthy relationship does.

What a thoroughly selfish man your DH.
He was more than happy for you to exhaust yourself raising children and not be able to afford to put ££ into a pension and now he wants to make a unilateral decision to retire early, again without any care for his wife at all.
Why have you been paying half the bills on your lower salary?
This man has been sponging off you and taking advantage of you for decades.
You should at least consider divorcing him, taking half his pension and perhaps finding a less selfish man in the future.

So you've got to work till retirement age, because of taking time out to raise your mutual children, and he's able to retire early, albeit on a tight budget? Am I reading this right? Wtaf???what an absolute chancery. I'm sick to f*cking death of reading about these men who seem to think it's ok to sponge of their wives.

He may have gotten away with the financial impact of having children but what he doesn’t yet realise is that it might well leave him alone in his retirement.

Well done to you for getting over the initial shock and starting to plan for your own retirement.

You can only pay in missing NI for previous 6 years - if it was before that , she can’t

Women give up work to look after small children and run the household.
A man retiring early doesn't have that responsibility so it's not the same at all.

Having a stay-at-home wife often allows the husband to focus more on his career, earn more, have a better pension etc.

It sounds like you are luckier than most as you are earning a good living at this stage of your life. Most women who stop working for years end up in low-paid jobs when they re-enter the workforce.

I wonder what sort of pension pot size are we talking here, does he have 300k, 500k, 800k?! If you are seriously thinking about divorce, if you get half of a million pound pot, you could sell up your house, use half the equity to buy somewhere small just for yourself (I’m not sure how much you’d get?) then you could probably think about retirement yourself. But as someone else said, if he has already started withdrawing his private pension are you still entitled to the same share?

He's a selfish git.

He needs to carry on working putting his spare cash into your pension fund until you reach a stage where you can both retire together.

More to the point he needs to be topping up her pension while he’s working to compensate her for the fact that she took time out to raise their kids.

He's being so selfish.
Out if interest, I wonder what happens legally if he retires and then you split. Would his pension pot be split, or would it count as income then and you wouldn't be able to touch it?

I absolutely plan on retiring before my husband - mostly because I'm older, and because I've prioritised my pension more than he has (despite mine and his Dad's nagging).
But I'll also make sure we have no mortage first (using the lump sum if needed) and that my husband doesn't need to scrimp and reduce our lifestyle because of my decision.
I also don't think I'd be selfish enough to make it so he'd have to work past the age I retire, just because I've picked that age.

Divorce him. He’s so selfish.

Your only option is to divorce him and take his pension. He will have to continue working. You’ve given up enough.

You don’t see the problem??

I see the problem. The house isn’t paid off. The OP gave up years of her career - putting her behind in terms of her earning capacity. She birthed and raised three children and now she is expected to be the one who continues to work and being the only one paying the mortgage and have to take a hit to her lifestyle because her husband wants to retire in his 50’s when he has not prepared to retire in his 50’s.

When one person in a marriage decides to take early retirement it isn’t meant to just be sprung on their spouse. It’s meant to be did issue years in advance with a financial plan and give consideration to debts.

It’s not fair - it’s not equitable.

Part of the reason I hate men. He seems to think that his pension is bigger because he paid into it. Actually, his pension is bigger because you sacrificed your pension in order to take care of the kids which enabled him to continue paying into a pension and advancing at work. HE COULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT WITHOUT YOU. He is being completely disrespect not having a conversation with you about this and just deciding it for the both of you. If you divorce would you get half of his pension? Worth considering IMO.

So you're meant to carry on until you retire, shouldering the majority of the bills, including the mortgage while he does what?

Hit the golf course?

Fuck that

Divorce him before he retires. Take at least half of his retirement.

You took the hit to your career. He now wants you to be the one working when you’re elderly and also being the one to cut back. He wants to sit at home doing nothing. What was the point of you supporting his career for years and raising his children when he expects you to also support him by working while he stays home and does nothing?

Divorce him. It’s the grin that really pisses me off on your behalf.

The house isn’t even paid off yet!! He knows he won’t have enough to retire and expects you to keep paying the mortgage and for you to make sacrifices. Absolutely no way!!