DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

I say mine and his because they’re in our names, but trust me, I know where all the money is and he sees everything as “ours” (I often joke and say what’s his is mine and what’s mine is mine as his wages get paid into our joint account and my self employed earnings get paid into my own personal account 🤣)

This is a big decision and should be made together as both will be impacted. If he earns more why is he not paying more?

Well maybe divorce isn’t a bad option then

Would you have prospect of an earlier retirement if he properly shared his wages and pension? (As a good partner would do).

Selfish of him at best - financially abusive at worst - and suggests he lacks care for you. Barring severe ill health or other specific circumstances, this would be a relationship ending issue for me.

I’d tell him you’ll be splitting the mortgage if he retires so he’s not going to have much money to travel.

It’s her financial sacrifice that’s giving him this option.

Now the OP is to expected to give things up, again to his advantage, so he can do what he wants. While she had to work for years more

He is a selfish arse

Doesn’t sound feasible if you still have a mortgage. And doing nothing will get dull very quick. Retirement would be grand if you can travel, meals out, hobbies but that takes money.
Would be better to keep working till you at least 60 id have thought. I’d want to be able to help my kids financially too, plus save a bit for possible care home bills!

Why is it unfair @Parkmalarky ? I think married couples need to make their retirement plans jointly, but I'm single, 61 and retired. Not on any benefits.

Statistically a lot of women take early retirement in their fifties to look after their (her parents). The Government is concerned about the growing number of economically inactive women in their fifties.
It seems unfair that lots of women and some men decide to not work anymore.
Far more women do this than men. The usual excuse is that they need to look after her parents (not his parents, not my circus etc). The husband is generally expected to financially provide for his wife.
It is unusual that it is the man who retires early.

• the economic inactivity rate for women aged 50 to 64 remains statistically significantly higher, at 31.3% in 2024, when compared to men of the same age (23.2%) Gov.UK

But they aren’t divorced and legally it’s his when married.

divorce him and take half his pension?

Why? It’s not “his” pension pot. Private pension is part of matrimonial assets. If you were divorced they would be shared as part of financial settlement

Will he match your earlier contribution to the family taking on all tasks from the point of his retirement?

So with your past “time off” you get to do childcare and miss out on pension contributions and with his time off he gets to do nothing?! Did you always pay 50/50 even when you wasn’t much less? It seems unfair to go 50/50 when he earns much more. It sounds like he sees you as an equal partner or your contribution to your joint lives as equal (even if it has been financially less). I’d also be concerned that in the event of a divorce you’d be seen as the higher earner and needing less finances than him.

My DH would never do this. Your pension suffered because you took time out to raise your children. It should be fair. If say my DH could retire 20 years before me, there’s no way he would. He would say have us both work another 10 years each and retire together. You sacrificed. Sacrifices need to be shared out.

My reply is based on the fact that you are married and took a career and income hit to raise his children.
My response would be ‘That is wonderful news darling, I assumed I would have to work until retirement age. Are you really sure you will be able to pay our mortgage and bills when we stop work? How exciting!’

My husband and I are the same age. He is now a high earner whilst I still work part time whilst doing all the housework/life admin (he has often travelled and with no family nearby it would have been hard for me to work full
time, plus thankfully I didn’t need to). We see both our income as family money and are a team. He is hoping to retire by 55 and there’s no way I won’t be retiring at the same time. My pension pot will not be in any way comparable to his!

At his age this seems to be a very common theme among men. I would argue that if he retires so do you. Or he retires but basically becomes a house husband- so all household management, shopping, cooking etc with a budget.
I think often it’s a symptom of retirement being close enough to be in view but just out of reach.
Presumably you were looking after the DC - so even tho you were not in paid employment I can’t imagine you were laying around all day on a chaise longue and eating chocolate?

Fuck that. This is not a unilateral decision. He leaves early. You have to work for longer and have a reduced quality of life. Not ok. And how can he afford to travel if he can’t afford a takeaway. I honestly don’t say LTB usually. But for him. I say go, take half his pension and smile all the way. You had to sacrifice for his career to raise children. He owes you.

Absolute joker. He's been able to build up his pension because of your unpaid 'wife work'.

There is so much wrong with this.

Various ways you could approach it, from 'great, I'll do the same, let's work in those sums again' through to 'how about we divorce and split the assets given you seem to have no regard fornme raising our children, you selfish prick'.

You may have different pension products, but you are a team. Either both of you retire or neither of you do. Maybe he works for 5 more years and you both retire a little early?

But at the moment your household can't afford it.

And can he take maximum lump sum pay off the mortgage? That might change the outlook

I'm going to buck the trend

Are you saying that you will just have to cut back on a few takeaways and bits?

Would you be the only one contributing to bills? As long as he can pay his half, I don't see what the problem is.