DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

So rather than working out when you can retire together his plan is yet again you carry the sacrifice

I think he sounds selfish

I don't understand why you will need to work until retirement age while he is looking at deciding on retiring early. As a couple you should have the same standard of living and he should definitely be exploring you both retiring at the same time

I would not agree to this op, and would insist on retiring together. You don’t have to passively accept his incredibly selfish suggestion.

My husband retired 4 years before me. I had no issues with that - he'd worked really hard, in a demanding job, and he'd earned it. He'd done all his sums, checked his investments etc, so I didn't notice any difference financially. He's been able to enjoy lots of hobbies and has had no regrets.
Let's face it, OP, we are the lucky generation who can retire early - it won't be the same for future generations. If the opportunity is there, we should take it. Retiring young is better for our health and general wellbeing - please support your husband with his plans.

As he’s the higher earner, why on earth are you paying the mortgage plus half the bills? No wonder he’s been topping up his pension while you bankroll him.

How early? How old are you both?

Im going against the grain here, if he can contribute his share then why not. My husband won’t be dictating to me when i can retire and off the back of that i can’t dictate when he will providing he can still contribute what is required.

In an ideal world you both retire together but either one imposing the other continues to work as one can’t retire yet will end in resentment. Theres no way i would be working an extra 5 years for example because my husband needed to work until state pension age. That is all based on the retiree being able to contribute the fair amount though.

This baffles me. I don’t understand how you’re not managing your finances as a couple and working out when you can both retire and what your retirement looks like. You can’t manage this unilaterally- it just doesn’t make any sense to retire with no joint plan.

My dh did this but there wasn't any effect on our cash flow as he was able to take his private pension at 50. He lasted 6 months and is now back at work full time 😂

Either he plans with you and your shared plan sees you both retire at the same time or I would divorce the shameless advantage taking twat and the smugness would soon disappear along with a good chunk of his pension pot which would head your way.

If your partner has a lower bar for your personal finances than your husband then his is pretty fucking selfish.

So you pay half the bills & all of the mortgage?

Is that how he has been managing to pay extra into his pension?

I’d divorce him and take half his pension 🤣

Yes, I agree. It would be interesting to see his reaction to it though. I suspect it would be quite telling.

So you make all the sacrifices while he worked and bumped up his pension. Why didn't he pay into yours too while you enabled his work by cutting back?

I'm one of those and you can do one.

I've been running around after 3 very elderly people for the best part of 20 years now. I'm exhausted and there's not a chance in hell I'll be going out to work, particularly after putting in provisions for mine and DH's retirement in plenty of time.

You both need to sit down with a spreadsheet and spell out the financial future.

Your main risk is paying for care.

Putting aside the unfairness of him taking a decision that impacts both of you in this way - I just couldn't respect a man who wanted to spend possibly 40 years doing nothing!!

I love life and yes relaxing is part of that - but it would be a huge burden on a marriage if you were at work daily and he was literally doing bugger all.

I would find it unattractive that he was so uninspired.

If he actually wants a change of pace and could afford to quit - he could change jobs/ careers/ do something he has alwasy cared about for a lower salary - he could retrain etc

It’d still be a shit deal for OP even if he did all the domestic work, which a man who treats his wife like this for many years won’t.

Good grief, my vagina would shrivel up if my DH told me with glee he was retiring to do "nothing" whilst I still had to work and we couldnt do anything even remotely nice like getting a single bloody takeaway.

Yeah, no thanks. A life of restriction and him doing "nothing" whilst I was still working would make me miserable so fine, he can do it, but he will do it alone I'm afraid.

Good news if he's retired - as if you're still working, it means he can pick up the household chores as he has time available to do them. Or is his expectation that he takes early retirement to do nothing, and you carry on doing the cooking and cleaning and laundry (because if you were the one up in the night and on call for sick kids from school, I'm betting you're the one doing the majority of the household shit).

My dh is older than me so has retired, he’s made it clear I can quit working too if I want but I’m choosing to stay working to get a full state pension (3 more years from April)

If he takes early retirement presumably you can’t. What would happen if you wanted to take it too? Could you both cut down your hours?

Id reply thats great I will retire the same time. Let's see what our joint income would be.

You should both be aiming to retire at the same age when the combined income works to support the retirement you would both like

So he gets to retire very early and you have to work until retirement age? That is not ok. I will likely have a bigger pension pot than my DH but our retirement funds including pensions will be considered as one and we will be retiring at the same time (unless one of us chooses to work longer).