DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

What is the point of one of you being retired, pointless.
In my opinion you both work towards retirement and do the financial planning together to achieve this at the same time.
My partner and I have both agreed to this as neither of us wants to be retired without the other one.
Retirement is a huge life change and needs a lot of planning.

This is a decision to make together and you also need to both be on board with lifestyle and how you are going to fund retirement.

Leaving aside him retiring first, like PP I would want to understand what the plan is- not a finger in the air and flippant remark about fewer takeaways. Because if his money runs out while you're still working it is you who will end up funding everything. I'd want to understand his financial planning fully, including what he has planned if the stock market takes a dive (which it may well do in the short/mid term). Unless he has a financial adviser running it all, making a decent plan is a fairly significant undertaking and I'd want to be sure that he has done the work (or see the advice he has received).

On him retiring first, how do you feel about it? It doesn't really sound as if has thought it through at all, if he hasn't realised you won't be available for impromptu holidays. Do you actually want to retire?

Generally I find split finances for married people a complete headfuck- so many decisions have to be considered as a unit, it's always going to be a struggle if you don't either share finances or ensure you both have the same. Particularly as you get older and have to think about things like downsizing, provision for care etc- how on earth does it work if one of you has a larger pension than the other?

I would either say "well I'm not working if you're not so I'll retire at the same time".
Or "great, from the day you retire I will never cook another dinner or clean another toilet - that's all your job now". See how he likes that. If he protests give him the side eye and remind him half that pension is yours if you get divorced.

My husband is 14 years older so he will retire before me (though our joint aim is for me to retire a bit earlier than I normally would so the gap will be closed by a few years - all my bonuses are going into my pension for this reason). I am happy for my husband to retire first though because (a) his job is so stressful I'm worried it might kill him before he gets to retire (b) he will automatically take over most of the cooking and household stuff - he already does a fair split, (c) our mortgage is already paid off and (d) he wouldn't want to go off travelling without me!

My dad was more like your H. He retired as soon as he was allowed to draw his company pension at 55 (I'm now 51 and the thought if retiring in 3-4 years is laughable). But still expected my mum to work (as it was "only part time") and do all the cooking and cleaning. She just accepted it. I would have been hopping mad!

There have been so many similar posts recently I’m struggling to believe this is for real already.

This.

@VaddaABeetch I would like more detail before making assumptions

It's 2025. I am going to assume OP made a choice and could have continued working and split childcare bills

About the mortgage, for all we know the mortgage is £200 a month and he is paying everything else.

I shouldn't have commented because there is no information really. Cutting back on a few takeaways doesn't seem a big deal. Paying all his bills IS a big deal.

Maybe he wants to have some fun. Maybe OP will want a divorce. Who knows.

Surely you are a partnership and you plan to retire together. We’ve always ensured we have similar sized pension pots and ISAs regardless of who is the higher earner or has taken time out to look after children.

Sounds a bit similar to me.

DP has just retired and I could if I wanted to but at the moment feel it would be bad for my mental health. Assuming physically I stay fit would like to carry on for a few more years.

My dad did this and it was a bad idea because he wasn’t loaded and isn’t a hobbies person. My poor DM will probably be working into her 80s!

Does it have to be all, or nothing? Could he go part time in his current job, or do another job for enough days per week that you don’t have to make lifestyle cutbacks?

I can understand a stressful job getting too much in your 50s, but you don’t have to not work at all.

it smells to me as if he thinks you had an easy life with small dc and it’s his turn now…

Presumably he didn't pay voluntary national insurance contributions and into a private pension for you when you both mutually decided that you'd take the career and pension hit by working less and freelance to enable him to prioritise his career, earnings and pensions when your children were small?

'You go halves on bills, you pay the mortgage, he is the bigger wage earner' and now he wants to retire early while you keep working, despite raising his 3 children. You opted out of your pension while he happily kept his topped up?

Why are you married to such a man? Yabu tbh to still be married to him

Leave him, get whats yours in the divorce and start again

What kind of man is this

I’m planning to retire early but have been talking about it with DH and showing him the workings for at least 4 years- I won’t retire for another 17 years minimum! You can’t spring this on your spouse as they need to make their own plans- as I hoped he might DH has now also been reconfiguring his plans so we can do it together.

How many elderly people with severe health issues have you looked after @Parkmalarky ?

I would suggest you try looking after someone who is frail and has no awareness of their surroundings, capacity to look after themselves or keep themselves safe, whilst working full time and then come back and tell us how you you think it is unfair that a high percentage of women in their 50's are not working.

I’d expect to see the spreadsheet. With income, savings, investments, expenses, drawdown and on and on.

Fuck that. What a selfish prick.

How selfish. I think you have sacrificed enough.

Can’t see how it can possibly work. He says he wants to do nothing - prepare yourself for a moaning, miserable depressed man. Wants to travel - how’s that going to happen when money will be tight and you will be restricted with holiday entitlement.
Sorry, I think your resentment will grow and his wonderful idea has disaster written all over it.

It's not just 'his' pension pot, private pensions are joint assets. You earned half when you took time out/worked part time to raise your joint children.

Tell him you either work out when you can both afford to retire on your joint pensions, or you'll divorce him and go after half.

Fuck no. If one of us is retiring, then ‘we’re’ retiring, unless someone wants to keep working, or obvs if health reasons force something. I can’t even imagine it, like ‘righto I’m all good, you carry on I’ll make you a sarnie before work if you like’. Insane

I would say
Darling you know I am well behind you on both earnings and pension because I looked after the children. It would be kind of you to consider me in these financial decisions and work a few more years helping me financially, so that I can pay into my pension and maybe not have to work another 15 years. Surely it would be fairer if we could both retire at the same time. I have sacrificed a lot that has allowed you to be in this comfortable financial position.
Then silence until it sinks in and he responds.
You'll at least know where you are.

My response would be “That’s great, as you will be home full time and I’ll be out working, you will be able to take over the running of the house and garden. Let’s sit down and look through my list of current daily, weekly, monthly and annual tasks that you will be able to take off my plate”.

Did DH give you money to make up for him not staying at home 50% with the kids? Did he ensure that he was paying into a private pension or ISA in your name during that time? If not, is he planning on filling that pay and savings gap for you now? If not, then I don't think he can expect to retire quite yet.

DH and me have been together 30 years, 24 of them married. Financial decisions that affect the marriage (and let's be honest, that boils down to most decisions) are decided and planned for together. Retirement planning is definitely a joint decision within a marriage.

Why didn’t he top up your earnings and pension when you were staying at home bringing up the children etc? He wouldn’t have been able to work/earn the same amount without you parenting solo

The problem is that he gets to retire very early so the OP won’t have the chance to retire at all early

the problem is he gets to take time out to retire & sit on his ass.

OP will work an extra 15 years & will not get that opportunity

OP earns less presumably as she took time out of work. her pension is worth less as she took time out.

She took time out to look after their children., not to sit on her ass.

Its not fair that husband gets to retire so early