DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

Definitely this! But also, unless there's a huge age gap, it's a much better idea to wait until you can BOTH comfortably retire. I couldn't cope having to go to work while DP stayed at home all day doing nothing like yours says he wants to.

Having to cut back on takeaways and other luxuries while you're still earning the same and only his money has dropped would annoy me. A lot.

You need to work out a way to make things fairer. Perhaps he could drop some hours? Or you both could? But total retirement for him while you keep working is just not fair.

Have you sat down together and worked out how to equalise your financial positions to ensure that you’re not disadvantaged by your historic maternity leave and child care?

Don’t most working partners ‘see their non working spouse right’ in terms of topping up their lost savings and pension contributions to ensure they don’t lose out due to the financial cost of childbearing and care?

I don’t think it’s that early. I’m early 50’s and we have started planning for retirement. I think it’s normal that thoughts turn this way after you have been working for more than 30 years. Could he reduce his hours or change his role to a less stressful one? Also you could go to a financial advisor to get advice and think about what you both want retirement to look like. When we started to think about it, originally my DH wanted to stop earlier than me, and I felt I wanted to go on a little longer. We were going to have him be house husband and support me working, a bit like I did when the children were small. We’ve decided now to retire together in 5 years as we want time together after a lifetime working. We will be late 50’s by then.

Quite agree. I’ve been caring for my mum for most of my 50s. It coincided with losing my long term job with a huge U.K. company that was allowed to give long term staff redundancy and change contracts during covid. It’s exhausting and I’d much rather still be working properly and earning a decent salary like previously. I’m earning a small wage from my business but deliberately keeping it under the tax rate. The amount of help I could claim as a carer is an insult.

If it's not too many years in the horizon, then waiting till the mortgage is paid off seems advisable. I couldn't personally have contemplated under 60 but I'm not keen to retire as late as 67. One DS at uni, so think retiring before he's finished studying is a bit mad.

Do you work full time? If so that’s a bit unfair as he could see about reducing his hours rather than completely retiring. I reckon he will get bored.

Lots of men retired early in the 80s & 90s. They worked as teachers, police, social workers, for BT, British Gas etc. They had a proper pension at around 55 & then got state pension 10 years later. It just seems like a dream nowadays to be able to do that. Early 50s does seem very young.

You both put in; he put into his career which gave him a hefty pension and you put into childcare and housework which gave you no/considerably less pension.

He shouldn’t stop working while you have to continue, that’s craziness. He’s basically penalising you for raising his kids 🤦🏻‍♀️

You should both now be building your pension pots to enable you both to retire. If he has enough in his, he could put more into yours.

DH did it at 60, I was 54. But no-one had to cut back financially. Mortgage paid two sons flown the nest so just one to get through school and university.

We wouldn't have done it otherwise.

Truely awful. Fancy leaving your dp working years more whilst you swan about. I'd go for divorce and apply for half his pension, selfish pig.

You need to know the numbers, completely. Size of pension pot, how much he would get at 25% tax free, how much a month without taking the 25% tax free etc. it’s both your money as you are a team. You have raised his children and now he’s done with those services from you, you’re slogging away for another 15 years. No, sorry.
DO NOT let him walk all over you on this..
Also, use that 25% to pay off the mortgage. Do budget spreadsheets, together. How much do you really need to retire on and when can you do that, together

This would have me in a total panic. Unless he was a millionaire with a load of interests. Then I might be ok with it.

It's not that hard, boring yes but not really hard. It's nowhere near as hard as being a working mum juggling childcare and work.

I know a headmaster that did this. His wife was still working full time

How much does he earn? If he has invested in a stocks and shares isa, and netadjusted his income to his pension you are in a good position. American stocks have performed well the past decade and if he is in a tech job or finance it's likely he is privy to this. Once the mortgage has been paid your main costs have zeroed out.

First deplete cash isa>then your stocks>then private pension last.

A lot of my peers don't have a view point past a state pension. Ask him to see the numbers and the decide

We do have an age gap, but he's also retiring a few years early due to an inheritance from his parents.

I’d hope this'd be as good as taken for granted, even by a man such as OP’s husband, who sounds a bit rum.

But he literally said he was going to do "nothing" so its relevant to the OP's scenario

Being retired doesn’t mean doing nothing. I’m early retired & do lots of hobbies, travel & volunteering. I was much more boring when I was working!

Exactly.

Caring for babies and young children is hard physical, mentally draining work that you have to pay other people to do if you don't want to do it. Spending time with adult children is having a nice time.

OP is bloody paying for being a SAHM then and now. There is nothing remotely fair about it.

Surely if you took time away from work due to dc his pension is actually half yours?

I get so cross when I read these types of posts. Not only is he be financially selfish and unfair, when he does retire you’ll be directly impacted as you won’t have his income to pay for what he’s paying for now. So selfish!

24 months won't in the grand scheme of things impact your contributions. Instead of saying we'll done or that's such a good position be in everyone is being negative. It's okay to have a husband who leads the family you are a team but he is your husband not a partner. Good for you very lucky he is good with money. In the view of divorce all finances are looked at so you will be protected pay no attention to detractors. If you want to work selectively that is great that is what he is giving you a choice. Very lucky

This makes no sense whatsoever! if he retires you cannot afford a takeaway and yet he apparently seems to be planning to travel all over the world.

Does he realise how much travel costs?! Its sure as hell more expensive than a bloody takeaway.

I am sorry OP but this sounds all kinds of dodgy to me.

Marriage is a partnership and that includes any decisions - you need to talk calmly and seriously together about how you see the future panning out. There really should be no ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ it should be ours and us!!

Age gap? That would make some sense, obvs you can’t have some poor ninety year old working, but otherwise, why?