DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

The 1950s called, they are wondering where you are.

its 2025. It’s both our job to provide.

You have both been working since you got married and started a family. Both in and out of the home. When you had more time at home, it was to look after small children, which is exhausting. It’s unfair for him to retire before you. How can he be happy watching you go out to work every day while he does nothing? Why don’t you both work part time? Or he work part time? Do you want to live a more frugal life? I wouldn’t!

It’s a mans job to provide for his family. Any ‘man’ saying any different isn't a man in my eyes.

Divorce him and have half his pension….

Then before he retires, he balances the pensions.

Or he won’t, and you can’t make of that what you will. Divorce, possibly. Because what he’s doing isn’t a marriage.

Check your name is on the deeds of the house. Check the mortgage is in joint names. When is the mortgage paid off, usually 25 years. When this is paid off retirement is more doable. You paying the mortgage means nothing, check with a solicitor if you are not sure. I would be concerned about him doing nothing in retirement. Takeaways, extras are side issues. Open a savings account with a building society and try and save money, however little, make it in your name. Say to him don't do early retirement, there is no rush and that you can both keep the situation under review. Don't believe any 'trust me' comments from him. Last but not least you are not selfish.

Will he have sufficient contributions to obtain a full state pension when the time comes? (Assuming state pension is still a thing by then)

When will the mortgage be paid off?

Does he have a load of investments including ISAs to fund this early retirement or is he taking a big hit against his pension? I thought early pension pays were linked to state pension age minus 10 years, it is going up to 57 in 2028. The current NMPA is 55.

Not sure if @Aggyagro DH has properly thought it through. I don’t think it is selfish to want to retire early if you can and that was the aim of the FIRE idea.

I thought about it from early 50s but continued until 62. It means that we have been able to support our two adult children with house deposits without dipping into investments.

Id divorce him and have half his pension. Job done.

You are missing the point.

Work can be a chore too. The droning monotony, the stress, missing out on small and big moments with the kids, and having to do it for ever and ever until you retire- because a decision made when your kids are in the womb, has somehow resulted in you being catapulted into cyclone which means that you are better paid and so you have to keep at that pace, on that trajectory as everyone is relying on it. You don't get to 'experiment' or do something you love on a whim as that's too risky when everything relies on you. There is no 'back up'. No part time working.

Not every job is nourishment for the soul. Or remotely fulfilling. It can mostly be an absolute slog - thick with false friendships and politics laced with acid.

And yes. You are right. There is nothing remotely fair about it.

Alignment on goals and communication is key. One role isn't inherently more hard done by.

DH retired at 58 .. he’s 9 years older than me. I’ve carried in working.

I’m delighted for him, he’s been working since 21, paid into his pension .. we used his lump sum to clear the mortgage. He finished 4 years ago, he goes fishing, he looks after all the household stuff, does the Decorating, Gardening etc.

I work FT, but I don’t resent him packing work in, he’s happier … and I’ve not done the Washing-Up in years.

Here's my little story of an H who retired in May 2024 - he's 10 years older than me and has a civil service pension (not gold plated, he's paid in etc etc so fully deserves), I meanwhile work in a charity and as well as needing to work til I retire, also LOVE what I do.

We are on the brink of divorce. Not becuase of all this but because he does precisely NOTHING. Half arsed cleaning, has no purpose or direction and then has the audacity to explode at me because I am out here living my best life and doing most of it without him because a) work b) he's a mardy bum

He retired with no plan after a long lead up. I kept saying find a plan for what to do and how you want to live life, I will still be working.

Anyway, as I say. we are on the brink of divorce. You are right to look at this with caution. Be clear what you want for yourself. Accept no "compromise" you are not comfortable with - why do you sacrifice now as well as having sacrified while you bought up kids?

Why are you splitting bills 50/50 and paying the mortgage if he earns more?

He sounds like a stingy bastard. Maybe I’m bias as I grew up in a country where men are providers but no way would I agree to that arrangement. I rather be single than with a cheap man.

If he is determined to retire early, at the very least you get him to pay half the mortgage alongside bills moving forward.

I know of three couples where one has taken very early retirement and the other hasn’t and it has caused all kinds unexpected strife. It wasn’t primarily a money issue in these cases, it was because the non retired one was coming into their own point of career success and were still mentally engaged with that and enjoying it. They could afford the nice holidays but not excessive time off and friends who could have been alternative travelling companions were also not overly available. A couple of them thought they could swan into interesting and slightly remunerative non executive director or trustee roles but that is actually a very crowded field - unless you are an ex finance director willing to take on treasurer roles for small charities. The relief from stress became dealing with boredom and a lack of direction and identity. I think it’s very different if retiring a bit early with good health and money and have a social framework to fit into .

Agree with the vast majority. Bollocks to that. You should be a team so whatever retirement plans there are must be shared fairly. He should be paying off the mortgage if he's got all this extra dosh. Not leaving that for you to sort while he looks after himself. Outrageous.

Tbh I would threaten him with divorce and take his pension off him. Cheeky fucker.

As others have said, if the parental care issue is still there (eg you have surviving family) then you could state that if he intends to take ER then he is also agreeing to take on any care obligations that arrive so you can work through to retirement. I suspect that will hasten the rethink, depressingly

I wouldn't even entertain this until the mortgage was paid off. How have you ended up paying it when he is the higher earner? You need to address this with him.
He needs to come up with a way to ease the financial pressure on you both before he should think about retiring. Remind him you are supposed to be a team.

You should be looking at your retirement plans as a couple. Do you have debt/mortgage? How much of a joint pension fund do you have? How will you bridge between early retirement and state pension? Are you up to date for full state pensions?

As a general guide you should have a pot of 25x what you think your annual outgoings will be…but I really think it’s something you need a fuller picture of.

I retired early at 56, DH choosing to continue working (he’s a musician and loves what he does) so it is entirely doable, but it needs planning.

Have you suggested he could reduce his hours down? It's seems very drastic @Aggyagro I would be sitting down with him and go through figures based on him cutting down his hours and then work out the difference. He's been selfish I'd be annoyed too.

Women could retire at 60 for much of that time

Are you full time now? I’d stop with the cooking and his laundry because I need to concentrate on my career, he was supported in his just when the load at home was the highest so I’d come home every night, ask what’s for dinner, cook myself a single omelette if thrrr wasn’t any, if he orders himself a takeaway say you said you wouldn’t be able to afford that when you retire <and grin> (and stop contributing extra to joint account if he orders it from there). You need to draw a firmer line when it comes to selfish men.