DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

Neither of you should be seeing his pension as just "his" pension. You both made it possible for him to build that up while having a family, he didn't do that alone, so it's a shared asset and this is a joint decision. He's being very selfish in the way he's looking at finances.

Would he use the 25% to put some or all into your pension fund?

If he did another year full time, could he pay enough into your pension fund to retire together?
Even my Dad who is a dinosaur paid my Mum's stamp whilst she was home with us kids.

I cannot see mentioned how old your dh is.

OP this is not right. We are at a similar life stage, I also did not work for 15 years and was a SAHM whilst my DH worked and built up his career and pension. I have since returned to work but we treat his pension as ‘our’ pension. The discussions we are having are a joint plan, pensions cannot be put into joint names but we just consider that the case.
You do not sound like a team, the fact he is making independent decisions would really anger me, I think I would go as far to say I would leave and then everything including his pension would be split 50/50 and you would by the sound of it be in a better position. Certainly emotionally, as he clearly is not considerate to you. Better than being married to a selfish arse who is happy for you to carry on working full time while he sits around doing ‘nothing’ after making sacrifices so he could carry on working whilst you kept everything going.

This is excellent advice.

See a lawyer and IFA. It’s worth the cost of the fees.

I would hope so too but I suspect the OP’s husband has no intention of picking up the household slack. Is he thinking golf, Sky Sports, long coffees and crosswords?

Perhaps a long, hard conversation about his expectations and her realities would show @Aggyagroexactly what his plans are.

Btw his answers about financial future and in particular your financial future will tell you a lot about how he sees your marriage and how ‘selfish’ he is in his approach too.

Would he be willing to subsidise you for a few years so you can pay a big chunk into you pension for a few years and then both retire or at least drop your hours substantially.

This.

At least spend the money on a lawyer to find out what you would be entitled to. Ferret out all necessary documentation.

Then present him with the information.

I would not tolerate retirement until both are in a position to retire.

That’s where you’re going wrong.
He had the opportunity to put more in his pension BECAUSE you were at home agd not paying for childcare.

You need to stop the 50/50 nonsense.
Your pension should be your priority now. What’s the max you can put to match his? Go for that. If there’s a shortfall, then he pays for the difference.
And his retirement dream? Well it has to take into account you paying the max in your pension. Otherwise YOU are putting yourself at risk.

Oh and yes, I’d take that as a good reason to look at your finances carefully. Who has what.
What happens if he dies very soon? (It might leave you in the shit)
What happens of you die very soon? (It might cause more problems than he thinks)
What happens if you divorce? You have to stop work tomorrow? Etc etc….

He's getting his ducks in a row - how about you?

If you DH can retire and can genuinely pay 50% of everything, including the mortgage, then that is his choice. You don't have to finance him at all...make sure you put extra money into your pension etc...and don't treat him to anything!

See a lawyer, get your finances in order.

My next door neighbour retired at 56 at the start of all the Covid shenanigans and has basically spent 5 years watching daytime tv. It’s all very sad 😔

Her husband still works and often stops to chat if I am gardening out the front. I feel I am providing some sort of support. Retirement takes planning and the best retirees have a structure plan but no point if you have to make cut backs from the start.

There’s no way you should sacrifice any of your pension payments. You’ve already suffered financially from the common sacrifices of motherhood. You’ve need to be maximising your financial security for your retirement NOW (just like your husband’s been doing all these years). You can tell him, he’s really inspired you to save as much as possible for yourself, so you can retire as early as possible. Also, start thinking aloud about how lovely it’ll be to have the cleaning and cooking all done by him while you’re at work.

While the majority of men with this mindset still expect the woman to take on 95% of the childcare and housework?

I will happily remain single than be with a ‘man’ with that mindset.

Well in that case start maximising your pension contributions now. Don’t wait a month longer. If it means he has to start paying some of the mortgage so be it. Start now whilst he is still working

Start putting extra in your pension now. It’s a legitimate household expense. Don’t wait, just do it, then recalculate your expenses etc and input into the pot.

This

Not sure why I quoted @kiwiane sorry!

Yeah, fuck this for a game of soldiers. When my DH and I were in our late 40s, he was in a job that he hated. It was fairly cushy, but boring, and he didn't like his boss. He worked 32 hours a week (4 days a week) and he wanted to drop to 16 hours - 2 days a week. At just 48 years old. I did 3 days (24 hours) and he said 'it's all right for you, you only work 24 hours and you have a good employer/get paid if you're off sick/have flexi-time etc.' He went on and on about dropping to 16 hours, and giving a colleague his hours, and getting a new employment contract.

I stuck his whingeing for about 3-4 months and kept saying 'we can't afford for you to drop your hours.' My job was 8 hours a week less than his, but I got paid more... AND I did everything in the house.. One day he said 'I'm speaking to Carol, the Manager tomorrow about reducing my hours to 16 a week.' I said 'you've got to be fucking kidding me!' He was like 'no.'

We were struggling financially as it was at the time - just over a decade ago - and dropping 50% of his hours, meant his pay would drop 50% too. I explained this, and he said 'well, let's apply for benefits, or tax credits to top up the household income.' We had no kids at home by then (they'd already left home) so we would have had almost zero finanical help.

I did pretty much everything in the house. Washing, cooking, housework, shopping, all the life admin, and even the gardening. He did about 5-10% of things.

And I KNOW if he dropped to 16 hours a week/2 days, I would STILL be doing everything. Even if he gave up work altogether, I would still be doing everything, because he is bone idle. I have probably made a rod for my own back by always doing pretty much everything, but still, he never really offered to do much. The odd blue job/DIY now and again, but no 'regular' housework.

I told him in no uncertain terms that if he drops his hours, the marriage is over. He was like I said, 'I have said over and over that we can't afford for you to drop your hours by 50%, and it will affect my quality of life too. Yet here you are, off to talk to 'Carol' about doing just that. This is something that BOTH of us have to agree to, and I don't agree with it.' He had no health issues or anything, he just didn't like this job, and he couldn't be arsed to try and find another job, and wanted to drop his hours right down.

I wanted to give up work and be a stay at home mum too, (like you @Aggyagro ) when our DC were both babies/toddlers, (just for about 5-6 years,) and he flat out refused to let me, and said 'we need your income too. You are NOT giving up work.' So I had to go back to a job I didn't like at the time, for 28 hours a week (3 days one week/4 the next) because he 'wouldn't let me' stay at home. We still had to pay a childminder so weren't much better off with me working, it's just that he didn't want me not working, when HE had to. Even though I did 90% of everything!

I reminded him of this, and thought like fuck are you doing this now, when I couldn't stay at home full time with our children for 5-6 years 'because we couldn't afford it.' He begrudgingly carried on doing the 32 hours a week. He has tried to reduce his hours again recently, to much less (he is close to 60,) but they won't let him. Good. Because all he would do is spend more time sitting in front of the bloody telly!

I would be divorcing your husband and taking half his pension (as some posters have suggested @Aggyagro ) He sounds like an utter arse.

I can take a lot of shit from men,(I have a thick skin!) but I cannot be doing with a refusal to go out work. I could never EVER be with a man who won't work. Problem is, whilst women who stay at home/don't work/work very little, do everything (wifework/life admin/domestic chores/housework etc,) men who work bery little or just stay at home, generally tend to not do very much, and lots of stuff is still done by the women!

There’s been a weird influx of trad wives recently. Safest to back away slowly.