DH surprising me with possible (very) early retirement

I do think there is a lot of this going on - in some cases due to elderly parents and the care home situation or insufficient affordable care at home or even unwell partners. There are some giving up due to parents retiring early due to healthy pension funds and some who don’t like the current working environment in many work environments of constant targets, assessments, salesy almost bullying culture - it’s a really really mixed picture -

Absolute ballcocks. I know several women my age looking after APs, and only 1 is looking after their own parents. I and the others are all dealing with in-laws, and we're doing it because no fecker else will do it! Believe me, I would much rather be earning a wage, and NI credits, for putting up with a cantankerous old lady 5 days a week!

I hope he has a rethink.

Retirement plans should be discussed together if you are married. We had always planned to retire at 60. Our normal retirement age was 66 so we knew we would have a 6 year gap so we overpaid pensions, did avcs, paid off the mortgage and invested in stocks and shares ISAs. As I had worked part time when our children were young we focused on building up my pension provision as I had less than DH. When my husband reached 57 and his company changed working conditions significantly we worked out what we would get if he went at 58 and I went part time. Part time was not an option for him as that would have been our first preference. My point is it was a shared conversation and decision for my husband to retire at 58 and me to retire 2 years later as I am younger. We knew we could afford our current lifestyle even in retirement.

Your husband has not recognised the imbalance between both of your pensions, he has not repaid the mortgage and in fact you say you pay it in spite of his salary being higher and he has not discussed his plans with you but presented it as it being his decision only. I think you need to make it clear that you will no longer be shouldering the mortgage payments alone so he realises you are not happy to continue working and paying it off while he bums around at home leaving you both with less disposable income. I also would make it clear he will do all household jobs if you are still working full time. Since retiring I make sure my husband does half the cooking and cleaning and helps out more with shopping and other household tasks. Any decisions made should be agreed by both of you.

I'm with you on that. You've probably saved the state a fortune in care costs. Some people are so short-sighted on this subject.

It wasn’t.

Have you looked into ‘home responsibilities protection’ Ewing the DWP pension service. It’s NI credits towards state pension for mums who stayed home to look after children

I was being sarcastic against the people compiling statistics about non working women of over 50 who can't even work out that many couples reach a point where they are mortgage free and decide life will be easier of the side stays at home.

I'm sorry you didn't understand that, I thought it was perfectly clear to anyone reading the thread in sequence.

Glad to hear your actions are causing him to have a little rethink!

Have you thought about contributing less into the pot each month as "I wasnt able to pay into a pension when the children were young so im going to catch up now" and set up a private savings/investment/pension in addition.

If that was the case, why didn't you bother to quote them? Why did you feel the need to be sarcastic?
Your comment makes no sense in the context of @Aggyagro's posts, which you presumably didn't bother to read.

My comment was in direct response to the posts immediately above it. Best take your own advice.

My comment was in direct response to the posts immediately above it.

This!

My husband has talked about going part time in a few years to ‘wind down’. But he is 8 years older than me so was always going to retire earlier than me. And he has paid the mortgage and most bills while we were raising DD.

Meanwhile I have gone back in to full time work since DD was old enough to catch a bus by herself and have had 2 promotions in 4.5 years. Hopefully getting my third when an opportunity arises early next year. So nowhere near thinking about retiring!

It is difficult to think about switching roles at home with me being the higher earner if he goes part time and how he will take on the role of running the house (which he has promised to do!) as I like things done my way! But it is a joint deduction we have talked about.

If your DH does retire he needs to take on other responsibilities - like you did when the children were small. I guess you may be nearly at the stage where grandchildren may come along so will he use his time to help out there?

He will grow resentment from you if he does ‘nothing’. I would say that attitude is potentially marriage ending as you would no longer be a partnership.

Don’t let him just have an easy life as he’ll be bored as his friends are still working and be reliant on you for entertainment.

look at how you pay the bills now so you can pay more into pension. Also have a look at rebel finance school. It’s free and shows you how to get debt free and invest for early retirement They have been awarded OBE or MBE for their work

Best to read the thread before posting sarcastic and incorrect comments.

Shock news. Couples in their 50s who have got the mortgage right down or gone and the children off their hands decide that life would be much easier for both of them if one of them looks after the home full time and the other brings in enough money to live on, and they each willingly take on those roles.

I have never ever heard of any woman giving up a career in their 50's for caring duties.
They would be very senior in their careers, have gone through the tough childcare juggling years.
No way they would retire to do caring duties having worked when their own children were young.
I wouldn't expect them to either.

Yeah I’m not sure this is particularly accurate. I don’t know anyone that age who could even afford to retire early to do that! Not in these financial times

I am surprised at this as I don’t know anyone who has retired in their 50s to care for elderly parents.

He's freeloading! He hasn't discussed this with you.... He's told you what he's going to do! Definitely be on your guard. My ex did similar. I got rid!

A wise move -

The OP hasn't said anything about him being stressed or his work having a negative effect on him. She's actually said that his job isn't particularly stressful and that he mainly works from home. I'm sure many people would love to quit their jobs in their 50s but the reality is that this is impossible for most and that it would be very selfish to pile all the stress on the other partner, who this man assumes will fund his early retirement, without even asking her first.

I agree with you that discussion and compromise is key. So far, all the compromise and sacrifice appears to be on @Aggyagro's side and none on his. I'm pleased the replies have helped you to reconsider your perspective.

If work is having a negative affect
If he ‘just can’t take the stress anymore’ then
it may be the best thing for him health wise

Can you compromise and ask him to work just a bit longer if money is going to be an issue
Youre a couple and this needs to be an agreed discussion. That doesn’t mean he has to do what you want him to do, it just means there should be understanding and compromise on both sides

Going against the grain here I don’t agree you should have to retire together. I don’t plan to wait for my husband to retire I will go 10 years before him. I’ve worked bloody hard and been stricter with my finances to make it happen. I drive a 10 year old car with no finance he chooses a new car - I choose to top up my pension he chooses not to so no good whinging when I am ahead of him to some rest. ( we earn similar, pay half of everything and I took time out to have the children)