To ask how to protect my daughter from my son?

I'd have baby in sling on me or in a play pen in same room - in such way he can't get to her. I had two velco babies and toddlers so got very used to carrying most of the time and making sure side with baby was away from toddlers.

I'd also do extreme house safety set up - removing heavy objects or making it so he can't throw such things at all.

I'd also try and set up safe outdoor space for DS - as may have calming effect and try and get him as active as possible in day. You do need safe ways to seperate them completely no exceptions ever and vigilance when baby carried by you.

You also need to talk to HV and GP and get as much support as possible.

At just let him run rampage?

You realise you’re talking about a FOUR year old with the understanding of an 18 month old? Do you think all other 4 year olds are fully formed and their future paths set in stone like that? Thought not!

A 4 year old child needs his parents too. With specialist interventions he may well adapt over time. He likely has incredibly heightened fight or flight systems and sensory systems, a baby may be wreaking havoc with his feeling of safety and his sensory system.

These issues can be worked on with proper interventions. The OP needs support that helps keep her baby safe and luckily with a 6 month old many mothers can keep them very close at hand even at night time and by getting a good routine for her son away from the home via nursery/school and keeping her daughter by her side she might be able to strike this balance.

Hopefully with support this can improve significantly.

OP, all my sympathy, and I hope you get expert support

A friend who's son had ADHD found melatonin, which she bought online, helpful as it helped her DS to sleep through the night, which helped him to regulate during the day. Perhaps this could help your son too?

Are there any grandparents who could provide respite for even a couple of hours?

The problem with this is that it's all predicated on him staying small. As he gets bigger this won't work.

He's going to grow, as will his sister. It will become increasingly difficult to keep them apart when they're both mobile.

It is better to get help now rather than wait until it's too late and his sister ends up seriously injured or worse.

Even though your son is only young, do you have an Education, Health & Care Plan (EHCP) for him? If not, please ask nursery to start the process or you can do that yourself.
I am a retired Headteacher and we had twin boys who sound very much like your son. They were with me one term, and then got a placement in a Special School Nursery Class. We had funding from the Local Authority for additional staff for the term they were with me.
It must be so hard for you, the twins’ mum said she couldn’t have another baby because her boys would kill it, not intentionally, but because they had no understanding of danger/harmful behaviour. Having the twins in nursery, I fully understood what she meant and empathised with her.
Have you contacted Children’s Services? They may offer Early Help, who could come round once a week. Don’t worry about seeking help and support, it can literally be a lifeline for you.
Is there a specialist group at your local children’s centre? The twins used to go to a Special Needs group once a week without mum. I think Portage were also involved, although your son is almost too old for their services.
Sorry if this is a lot of information, but you and your children really do sound like you need help and support, there often is some out there it’s just a case of knowing where to go.
I really do hope you get some support, extra nursery sessions or anything else that will help you and your children.

That’s vile. Don’t lock a disabled 4 year old in a room OP. Or any child for that matter.

There are lots of sensible steps you can take before the major ones mentioned above!

• Stairgates around the house
• id remove anything he can pick up and throw or hurt her with. The only toys are in her room where you can lock/ shut the door. This sounds extreme, but not as extreme as putting your child into care
• out of the house as much as possible, for all your sakes
• medication

Do you have space for a robust playpen? One in it one out of it?

Or a travel cot in the living room which he can't reach over?

Failing that I would probably try your daughter in a sling around the house that way she's at your level and you can turn your back quickly if required.

It's not ideal but a temporary solution.
Do you have any SENS charities nearby which can offer practical advice and support groups to you?

Would also say start teaching him sign language either BSL or Makaton that way he can communicate to reduce the frustration level.

Long term you need to look into moving house as feasibly they can't be in the same room for safety reasons.

What's the point of writing this? To make the OP feel even worse!

This is a terrible situation, but it's not inevitable the baby will be injured.

Agree with this. Even if it's not permanent, he needs to be removed from the home until adequate safety measures can be put in place to ensure he can't harm his sister. This sounds absolutely horrific and I'm so sorry you're all going though it. Do you have a partner to support you?

I feel there's no solution in sign unfortunately. He'll continue to be aggressive, hurt everyone around him and one day when he's not being watched he'll attack his sister too hard and she won't recover.

I'm so sorry OP.

You need to contact social care urgently potentially via your health visitor for support and professional advice

Hi OP,

I don't have experience but have you seen specialists etc and is there a plan for behavioural therapy, considering medication etc?

If he is putting your daughter's life at risk then sadly he needs removing from the home. This is only likely to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger, sadly.

Write down all the incidents and keep a log. Take it to your GP and explain that he is a danger to your other child and they cannot safely live together. Ask the GP to make an urgent referral to SS because there is a high risk of him killing your daughter.

Seek a voluntary care order under Section 20 because he is beyond parental control and is a danger to the baby.

Jesus Christ - this is one of the most horrendous things I’ve read on here. You need help & your DD needs protecting. Where is the dad in all of this? Please get help asap and protective measures in place immediately, even if that does mean locking him / her away for their safety.

So sorry you’re going through this Op & hope you get help soon.

I would be asking for support from health visitor, they can make a referral - it could be a practical safety issue like support from OT looking at room and stair gates or emotional support for yourself. Behavioural support for your son.
don’t be scared to ask and raise your concerns before you end up explaining at A&E

Where is the father?

Sending hugs. You need external support OP. You sound like a great mum
btw x

How do you suggest OP does this?!

This is awful the poor poor baby

you need separate homes. Your baby is being abused.

Oh that sounds so hard, I have no advice at all but sending support and hope others have ideas to help you