To ask how to protect my daughter from my son?

Are there residential placements for children that young? Because if so I'd be pushing for that before the baby winds up seriously injured or worse.

It’s not virtue signalling to be genuinely horrified that a baby’s being hurt daily. I completely understand the mum’s situation is desperate and she needs real help, but acknowledging how serious it is isn’t the same as attacking her. I just don’t think this kind of crisis should rest on strangers online.

I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this OP, it sounds horrific. What family support do you have around you?

Thanks, you said it better than I did. What a horrible reply that was.

That's just a nasty thing to say.

The OP is trying to keep both her children safe with probably minimal support. There is not a load of help out there just waiting for you to go and ask for it. Years ago children presenting like DS would have been taken into residential care and institutionalised for the rest of their lives, with very little done to support their development and meet their needs. Basically left to rot.

Of course the baby needs protecting, and that's a priority in this situation. However, there's a chance (due to hereditary nature of certain disabilities) that the baby might present with the same behaviours later on. Are you going to suggest they get rid of her too?

@WhaleRiders I'm really sorry that your family are in this difficult situation. It can't be easy for any of you, both kids included in that. You probably need to see your GP asap to find out what your local pathway for support is in these situations and get him/her to make an emergency referral. If GP is no help, then your next stop is probablely self-referral to social services. It is clear you all need urgent support for safety reasons, and with this level of danger, SS in your area might be able to send in care workers to help care for your child at home so that certain hours you can safely take care of the baby.

Has anyone assessed DS for sensory triggers? Have you and DH been taught co-regulation strategies? If finances allow, I would get DS seen by a Sensory OT (if its not available on your NHS Trust) asap. This might help reduce the agressive behaviour massively, and make home a safer calmer place.

Wishing you lots of strength and good luck going forward.

While I don't disagree with yoru sentiment, the child needs to be out of the house, your wording certainly sounded as though you were acusing her of being a shit mother.

People come here for help, not to be pounded on my virtue signallers.

Newbold hope are a charity you should contact, along with seeking help from social services. The most important thing now is to keep them apart.

Nothing ignorant about it. Someone needs to step in professionally before something awful happens, it already is really. The baby’s safety has to come first.

The child is being injured daily. It is too late.

What an ignorant thing to say.

This is exactly what she should do. The SS Children with Disabilities team can help op with the best interests of both her children. There's no way she should be trying to cope with this situation on her own.

One of the worst things I’ve read here. I hope the neighbours or someone reports you because it doesn’t seem you’re going to do much yourself and before long it’ll be too late. Your poor daughter. Frightened at 6 months and having to endure being abused daily.

Of course you would, if it meant your 6 mo th old baby was getting clubbed, beaten and possibly killed! JFC

The OP can self refer to SS

He needs removing from the home. Either separate houses with the father or social services.

this boy is at risk of killing a baby, he hurts her with weapons and she is frightened in her own home. she is a BABY.

Are social services involved? Is the nursery linked to a school with a sendco who can assess and start an EHCP process? Can the nursery pinpoint other services you can access? Lots of voluntary organisations out there depending on where you live where someone might have some ideas or just provide a listening ear.

Yes they can, if you call the NSPCC they can give you advice and sign-post you to organisatoons that can help. Social services also have a Children with Disabilities team, who are experts in situations like this.

You need professional help with this, as a matter of urgency. I feel for you as it's obviously an incredibly difficult situation and not easily handed. You can't simply lock a child in a room and that's problem solved.
Sending you best wishes and all the luck in the world.

Anecdotally I've heard that in these situations SS can push to take the gentler child into care. It makes sense on a population level. If it really gets that desperate there are a lot more foster carers, kinship carers and adopters who'll take a non-disabled 1 year old than an older child with these behaviours and needs. Neither child is at fault here and the system is not designed for the parents to pick their favourite.

I agree with you it is a very serious situation but as always with a child with a disability you're fighting on multiple fronts at the same time - the immediate future ie how do we get through tomorrow and the day after - but also the longer term, bigger picture stuff. She needs both, but sometimes you can't really choose and the world shrinks to getting through today, or just the next hour.

Our home is tiny (2 small bedrooms, tiny kitchen and bathroom) and there’s no garden or anything so it’s hard to keep them apart.

I didn't clock there was no garden - I would still try and get him outside as much as possible to run the energy off.

It tough but seperation and constant viglance only thing that will long term work in the house - so stair garden and play pens - we used to have a large one that could also be a room divider .

You could see if
https://www.home-start.org.uk/ are in your area for some additional support - are there any charities for the condition he has?

No, that’s not at all what they’re for. Possibly if DS was teenage and DD was turning up to school with bruises, but right now he’s a small child and I’m not sure what kind of intervention you expect them to provide?

We had to essentially proof out house to keep children seperate when younger due to sen.
Every door had one of those large metal gates designed for dogs.
Every cupboard had locks
We separated kitchen diner into two so no access to the kitchen.
I had 2 year gap so oldest one would go in playpen while I took baby.
Eldest bedroom ws mde into a safe room with padded everything and lots sensory chill out things
When put anb about used phil and Ted double as older dc could sit underneath happily enough

Isn't this exactly what the NSPCC and Social Services is for? If you fear for your child's safety you need to get help. Please do not think that these services are for "bad parents", they are there to help with situations exactly like this. They can help to sign-post you to help and resources so that you can manage your son's behaviour and protect your daughter, please don't try to manage on your own and ask for help.

Yes, don't lock him in a room. Soft toys are not a risk though if she is sat beside your baby and the 4 year old is playing with soft toys not hard ones. No one can really be hurt from a 4 year old throwing a cloth book. The baby cannot be suffocated if an adult is sat beside it.

Although I do agree that it never should have got to a point that a baby was slapped, hit and bitten and she has already come to significant harm.

I completely agree. Behavioural management techniques will take time to work and this little girl needs to be kept safe NOW. It's unacceptable for her to be kicked, slapped, bitten and hit with objects daily. Your immediate priority has to be making sure she is safe.