To ask how to protect my daughter from my son?

Sadly she's unlikely toget much if any respite at this stage
Certainly not daily
Thi is might well calm down though once he's starts school and is in a regular setting.

You can't just put him in care, that's not how it works, putting her DS in care will most likely lead to a life full of physical violence, mental and sexual abuse, once you surrender your disabled DC, that's it.
Do you think a non biological parent would be more patient? Carers?
There isn't a magical place to send disabled DC.
Not suggesting that her DD should suffer either, I'd invest in a padded room with a gate on the door for respite! Reach out to any service available, including volunteers, take any opportunity.
Just to add my friends little boy was similar, he has prada syndrome too , he's huge, ASD non verbal, he's learning to be very loving towards his big sister, with supervision, she has a bouncy set up in her living room.
Edit... Holy shit , 6 months old.
Buy a baby gate and door lock.

Iv just read your post again. This is doing untold damage to your poor baby. Her life should be happy and safe with nothing to concern her. I know hes your son. I know its not his fault but her life ahould not be ruined by him. This will continue too. Get him into care. Sounds brutal but your baby is in danger and suffering badly.

Im really sorry but you cannot allow him near the baby. Can you get social services involved? This will drive you into the ground if you dont get sonething done. I hate to say this but maybe he should be removed from the house to protect the baby?

@WhaleRiders I'm so sorry this must be incredibly hard for you. 💐💜 I don't think he needs removing from the home as other posters have said, thats unrealistic and cruel. What you ideally need is a carer coming in daily to help with your son so that you can keep your daughter separate from him. If you ring social services and explain that your daughter is in danger you might be able to get a care assessment? If that's not possible would going back to work any earlier be an option so your daughter could start nursery soon? X

Can't imagine I should have said!

I think people need to take on board as well that there are two young children we are talking about here, both of whom are vulnerable. Yes of course the baby needs to be kept safe and abuse is never acceptable but this is a young child we are talking about here.

You cannot just phone up social services and demand your four year old be taken into care when there's been an absolutely no other interventions or support put in place. Social services need to consider the needs of BOTH children. While of course the baby needs to be kept the safe, it would be massively traumatising to the four year old to just be ripped apart from their family. These children and family need to be supported not punished.

Of course there's times when children need to be removed for other family members safety. But that is a last resort when all other methods have failed.

I really hope you can get some support OP, I can't imagine what you're going through.

It is very difficult, keep reinforcing even while there is little understanding.
Mine get along now. DS took over her life when he was born, up until he was 6 or 7, they occasionally sit together now, as a result I had to split myself in two for many years, use a feather etc to teach nice touch, gentle touch, it's harder when he doesn't have the understanding.
Make sure you carve out 1on1 time with DD.
My DD is still very shy. It did impact her.

This sounds absolutely horrendous OP and I've not really any advice having never been in a situation myself. But I do think people on here need to calm down a bit and take a step back.

The child here is four and the OPs child who despite all his difficulties, she will love just as much as her baby. I can imagine despite everything going on, I highly doubt the OP wants to be phoning up SS and demanding he be removed. And anyway working in social services myself, a child being removed is an absolute last resort and work will always be done to try and keep families together. And this isn't some older child or teenager we are taking about, but a four year old who has their own difficulties and is still developing and processing their own emotions through change.

Please do reach out OP though to your health visitor, GP and anyone for external support. You don't need to suffer this alone.

I dont even know where to begin
He's four
You cant just phone the council up and ask for a residential place ,it just doesn't work like that .

Love is a very abstract concept and affection might be shown by him in a way that others wouldn't recognise. Him not being loving and affectionate to her really isn't relevant IMO. To him she might just be a something that makes lots of noise and takes mummies attention away from him. He's not going to understand that he's hurting her, he doesn't understand that he's being told off and he's very much in his own little world by the sounds of it.

OP this sounds so tricky but i think you're going to have to keep bubs close all the time and carry her at all times. Rather than telling him off I'd go with trying to teach him 'gentle hands' - could you try with a teddy bear or doll? modelling and talking through being gentle - if his understanding is at 18 months he may be able to pick it up with enough repetition.

I'd also get them out and about as much as you can as it sounds like he has a lot of energy - it must be hard with no garden, is there somewhere you can go? I would avoid punishing him/shutting him in his room, he needs to feel safe or his behaviour will be worse - just as you wouldn't punish an 18 month and instead treat him like a child that age - redirect. model behaviour and repeat instructions like a broken record.

Is he sensory seeking OP do you think? It might be why he likes to make her cry. Does he like music? Do you have any sensory lights? Do you have anything that he is allowed to throw around that you can redirect him to? Good luck OP, I hope things get easier as he gets older, he really should be getting more nursery than 3 mornings - quite shocking that that is not available to people who so desperately need it.

Contact Children's Social Care for an assessment from the Children with Disabilities Team. They should be able to support with strategies, they may also be able to provide a care package so there's an extra pair of hands sometimes to manage the risk or respite outside the home.
Do not request section 20. Do not believe comments saying he will always be aggressive. Hitting siblings is pretty typical for an 18 month old, it's just more risky here because your child's chronological age is more than double his development age so he is bigger and more of a risk. With the right support this behaviour is likely to change.

What do you think will happen?

And how do you imagine that might hapoen🤔

Yeah you csnt just do that.

You have no idea how he's going to be when he gets bigger
Some children do calm down alot.

He's very young i have a non verbal severely autistic teens have more understanding than a lot of posters
Whose he been referred to ?
Is under portage ,paediatric learning disability, team,etc?
A lot of the behaviour will ve because he frustrated and can't communicate
What's happening with school ,does he have an EHCP in place ?
Have you looked at your local offer ,?
Meeting families of children with similar disabilities to my son helped me .

Shameful and do the math.

He's a disabled 4 year old 🙄🙄

I’m so sorry that the adults have let you down like this. This is exactly why there needs to be more protection, even if some don’t want to accept it.

So many posters in here are happy to have an innocent girl grow up in fear and with risk for her life just to spare an inconvenience to a boy. Disability or not. Crazy.

Seconded.

OP I just wanted to say you've been so thoughtful in your responses considering there are some really unhelpful comments on this thread and I hope you get the support you need.

Has he ever shown a single morsel of love and affection towards her?

Don’t despair OP, some posters here are jumping to unfounded conclusions saying he’ll have to go i to foster care etc etc.

It could well (and is most likely is) a stage he is going through and the quicker you can help him through it, the better.

Contact social services, ask for support from the disability team. Ask about PBIS support (positive behaviour interventions and support), sometimes this service is offered by the NHS, other times Social Services (possibly jointly with NHS?).

In the meantime, just keep trying to keep them apart: your husband and you in separate rooms with each child. I agree with you that locking your son in his room is not a solution. If you need to pay for a ‘babysitter’ (a student?) to watch the baby before your husband comes home, while you’re with your son, that could be a temporary option.

Perhaps you need to emphasise to the specialists how desperate your situation is, and your fears for your baby. That might stir them into action.