To ask how to protect my daughter from my son?

I remember once or twice having to take my daughter up and put her in her room, behind a baby gate into her cot with toys while my son was throwing cuddly toys in a rampage in the living room, run down, settle him and put on cartoons for him and then I just sat on the stairs for 15 minutes where I could see them both and quietly cried. It's a heck of a time.

Someone advised us to lock DS in his room when he was having a meltdown so he couldn't injure us. I wasn't comfortable doing this, and checked with social services who were very clear that we could not do this as if he injured himself we wouldn't know what had happened.

Great, me too, flipout do a membership where you can go an hour a day as do gravity and both have Sen sessions. The yard is amazing, my son is high functioning at 7 and we still benefit weekly, at 4 it would have been a godsend but didn't exist. You can also take siblings and they have play workers who help out. It has been an absolute godsend for us. Find a local giggle and grow for bookbug and dance move go, they are so understanding and my son never followed a single instruction there and it still helped massively. If you're Glasgow funstreet softplay in silverburn has aembership monthly, a great closed off baby area and the whole place is well enclosed so you can see what he's up to. If you happen to be Glasgow feel free to PM, I'm happy to help with any advice despite the differences in our kids ages now. You can get through this stage but it is indescribably hard

Sorry I’ve not RTFT so may have been mentioned, but look up Newbold Hope - a charity for families experiencing child violence and challenging behavior. There’s a fb group and someone who’s been in a similar situation may be able to help.
x

It is nerve wracking and my eldest also had seizures so needed to be in eye line all the time as well. It can be got through though and it improves with them as youngest gets sturdier and eldest gains some underyhowever slowly

My sonw asnt quite the same but we had a similar age gap and I had similar worries so I can tell you what I did (and also reassure you that at 4 and 7 they absolutely love each other and the 4 yr old is more likely to kick her brother to the face because 4 yr old seems to be a naturally vicious age)

Baby gates on doors, safe areas baby can be left. Cot, playpen, room gates off etc. your son needs an outlet for his energy. Google local play areas, sen clobs, trampoline parks with Sen sessions. Get yourself set up with something for 2-3 hours every afternoon where he can safely throw himself about. The hitting, throwing etc is sensory seeking and I found once this needs was filled we fared better.

Baby wear. Get baby in a good sling or carrier and take her with you, have a very sturdy pram with you too, city mini worked for us, I'd get a double city elite if I was doing it again as I could actually buckle eldest I to our single elite and put baby in a. Sling when he got too much out and about.

My worst days were long spells in the house. We got into a route in if morning activity. Home for lunch and nap, afternoon activity. Noone slept. I lost my mind a fair bit. However you can get through this, you are at the hardest stage. Do you have a partner? At the weekend divide and conquer, swap kids each day, they do better together when they've had a spell apart.

The reality is there are thousands of families in a similar situation
Removing disabled children from their families is not only very cruel and archaic
But should be the very last resort.

But in practice it must be nerve racking hell for the OP to keep her son away from the baby, ensuring it is impossible 24/7. One moment is all it takes for a tragedy. I’m for removing the child to someone else , hopefully within the family if possible, if only temporarily, and to give OP a break , as the strain is horrendous. She can’t wait to see if it eases over time - it’s urgent!

I don't think anyone is minimising the seriousness of the impact of this on the baby more, to use a medical analogy, suggesting it might be best to try antibiotics before rushing to amputation. If the baby and the son can both be kept safe in the family home that is obviously the best outcome. Bypassing any attempt at that and just sending the son to a mythical residential placement in the nether realm should not be the first port of call.

Other charities which might be able to help - the Yard charity (centres in Edinburgh and Fife), Share-Scotland and Kindred (also have a Edinburgh hub).
I don't have a child with a disability but friends who do in a few different locations around Scotland.

Realistically you need info and support from parents who have been there. But also the parent focused or led ones can offer you emotional support too.

Please ignore some of the backlash on this thread your doing your best as a mum of a child with complex needs whilst also juggling a baby.

I'd assume these issues have come about since the baby was born, he would have been 2.5ish when they got pregnant with his sister, they probably had very little idea of what he would be like 18 months down the line.

What kind of help though

There is very little available and that's the reality ,posters may think that there is an abundance but there isn't.

CSA is absolutely horrific, nobody should have to endure that or any type of abuse. But I haven't seen anyone on here minimising it or saying they are enabling it. This isn't about inclusivity but recognising people with disabilities have a right to a family life and equal rights as anyone else.

Of course if it is too dangerous and all interventions have failed people or children need to be removed. But simply locking all people with SEN when they present with challenging behaviour is not going to stop abuse happening. If anything it'll increase abuse rates amongst them by being institutional care.

But abuse overall comes from family members and people known to the victim. Where do we stop? Lock up all male family members the minute they become challenging.

What the OP is needing is urgent support and proactive measures to support the family. Not the reactionary measures of removing a vulnerable four year old.

The OP has received some advice she's found helpful in a really difficult situation, so the thread has served its purpose.

Can we pause on the debate please? Very few/if any people here work in children's services and so discussing the rights and wrongs of removing a loved child is unlikely to be helpful to anyone.

This thread is likely to attract some divisive views and potentially media coverage that OP doesn't need.

However long it goes on for is too long. How can she just wait and endure it? Op will have a breakdown. I would try and seek help from as many sources as possible, GP, health visitor, social services, paediatrician etc . What else is there?

How do you know it will go on for years ,
You dont
And what is your suggestion for help ?

It can’t go on for years. OP is desperate NOW

Quite two very vulnerable children, both need protecting and safe guarding .

Yes but its not that simple everything takes time what help there is is limited
It may or may not go on for years .

And it's also a 6 month old baby being attacked we're talking about.

It's not ignorant. Something needs to be done before the baby has broken bones, brain damage or is killed. It's that serious.

It’s a hell of a lot for OP to cope with, this might go on for years- she needs help NOW!

And you are being more ridiculous thinking its ok to lock disabled children up and to split families up as the first port of call, this is a four year old child we are talking about.

And you are being more ridiculous thinking its ok to lock disabled children up and to split families up as the first port of call, this is a four year old child we are talking about.

I don't think anyone here is saying it's ok what is happening. Abuse is appalling whoever commits it and everyone deserves to live safely in their own home. Nobody is denying what is happening to the baby doesn't need urgent intervention to keep them safe.

However what concerns me is people are quite right upset and angry about a baby being subjected to physical abuse, no one seems to have a problem with a four year old who has the cognitive ability of an 18 month who therefore can't safeguard themselves, can't speak out for themselves, can't process their emotions being immediately taken out their family home and put into care or a mythical residential place where they are then in a place with no trusted care giver and extreme risk of abuse themselves.

I don't want to see any children being at risk of abuse or assault. Of course the baby needs to be safeguarded but I find it hard to reconcile the idea that some posters seem to be completely fine of the idea of a vulnerable four year old being put at risk of abuse themselves and ripped apart from their family is an acceptable solution.

We are all going on here based on what is written. But the OP has been massively let down by a lack of support and intervention that that has led to this crisis . Urgent support for EVERYONE is needed. Maybe there will be a point the son isn't safe to stay at home but none of us know how first supportive measures will work. As the OP said this is a genetic condition and may be a phase.

We should be against abuse and children being at risk in all cases, including a four year old who has the cognitive ability of am 18 month old being placed in such circumstances.