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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to protect my daughter from my son?

235 replies

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:07

Disabled son is nearly 4 but intellectually functions at the level of maybe an 18-month-old. Nonverbal, responds to his name and a few individual words like “eat” but that’s it.

He is incredibly hyperactive and from the moment he wakes up is running around screaming continuously in either joy or anger, pulling things off shelves, melting down and kicking and biting.

Now he is also constantly attacking his sister, who is 6 months old. I of course prevent him from getting within reach of her as much as possible but he still manages to slap, kick, bite, hit her with a weapon of some kind at least once a day, often more. When he can’t reach her he just screams as loudly as he can as close to her as he can, which makes her cry.

She is obviously terrified in her own home. She flinches when she hears him coming down the hall. She often preemptively starts crying when she sees him.

I am losing my mind with guilt and worry over the long and short term harm this is doing to her. What can I do?

Our home is tiny (2 small bedrooms, tiny kitchen and bathroom) and there’s no garden or anything so it’s hard to keep them apart.

He sometimes seems amused by being told off, but mostly doesn’t seem to even notice. I’ve tried ignoring it too but that also doesn’t work.

Ive tried shutting him in his room for a few minutes but he then becomes hysterical which is awful and just doesn’t help.

What can I do? I have no doubt he would actually kill her if they were ever alone together for even a few minutes, but of course I’m careful that never happens.

OP posts:
5gums · 11/11/2025 15:15

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WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:15

Zippidydoodah · 11/11/2025 15:09

This sounds horrendous. You poor things. Does your son have a nursery place at all? I know this is probably easier said than done.

Thank you. He does have a nursery place but it’s only three mornings. We are on the waiting list for more.

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 11/11/2025 15:14

Have you seen a health visitor? Has he been referred for any support?

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:13

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I don’t think he understands the concept of death or killing at all so not intentionally as such. But he would definitely do it. He has often tried to attack her with heavy objects for example, or tried to kick her full force in the head or face.

OP posts:
Whatabouterytoutery · 11/11/2025 15:13

I would have seperate areas of the house for both of them fenced off with baby gates so a sitting room area playpen and a kitchen area maybe. I would use a sling as much as possible for your baby. I would go to parenting classes to assist to improve the situation if they are an option. We have specialist intervention service (non UK) that would be good for ideas on this but also these classes are invaluable for getting other parents experiences of dealing with similar. I would get a school placement for your son that kept him safe and away from the home for respite for you.

You must be so worried, it is an extremely tough one.

Nkkjsww · 11/11/2025 15:12

You need to protect your daughter. He'll probably end up killing her if you're not careful. She's 6 months, very fragile. Where is the dad in this?

Yes do lock him in his room.

Zippidydoodah · 11/11/2025 15:12

Intentionally, from a disabled young child with a much younger cognitive age?

Of course not. He probably has no idea of the damage he could cause.

Survivingnotthriving24 · 11/11/2025 15:11

This is absolutely horrendous, you all must be absolutely terrified.

I'm sorry I have no advice but I think you need to seek professional support to ensure everyone's safety, hes 4 now but one day he'll be an adult man and your safety will be at risk too.

5gums · 11/11/2025 15:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Zippidydoodah · 11/11/2025 15:09

This sounds horrendous. You poor things. Does your son have a nursery place at all? I know this is probably easier said than done.