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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think feminism’s biggest blind spot is female entitlement?

136 replies

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 13:53

We talk about male privilege all the time but we rarely look at the ways women leverage social sympathy. AIBU to think equality means accountability too, even when it’s uncomfortable?

OP posts:
JadziaD · 11/11/2025 14:46

Total bollocks. Women expect men to do emotional labour but don't realise its a two way street? hahahahahahahahaha. In the real world, women BEG men to take on some of the emotional labour while we spend our lives taking it on for ourselves, our children, our partners, the world.

But i think what you really mean is that if a woman is in a bad relationship she has to take responsibility and it's at least HALF her fault that she picked a wrong 'un. That's what you really mean isn't it? Of if a woman cries in public, that's her "weaponising womenhood".

I don't actually believe you are a woman. I don't know why you keep coming on to start goady threads about how shit women are.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 11/11/2025 14:46

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:45

Emotional immaturity definitely plays a role. I just think some cultural patterns overlap with that and feminism isn’t immune to them. When a movement focuses (rightly) on external justice, it can sometimes make self-reflection feel secondary. It’s more an observation about human nature showing up within feminism, not an attack on it.

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It is neither an attack nor an observation. It is just meaningless waffle.

Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:45

Millytante · 11/11/2025 14:39

What in the name of Blessed Germaine has any of that directly to do with feminism? That is emotional immaturity, I’d say.

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Emotional immaturity definitely plays a role. I just think some cultural patterns overlap with that and feminism isn’t immune to them. When a movement focuses (rightly) on external justice, it can sometimes make self-reflection feel secondary. It’s more an observation about human nature showing up within feminism, not an attack on it.

OP posts:
Rexinasaurus · 11/11/2025 14:42

Let’s discuss that when the world isn’t a Patriarchal dumpster and women have equal rights. Ok? See you there.

Millytante · 11/11/2025 14:41

5128gap · 11/11/2025 14:30

'Ourselves as women', is it? Well perhaps you could start us off with an example, where you as a woman felt you didn't reflect and scrutinise yourself and hold yourself as accountable as a man would have done in the same position? Then we can see if it resonates at all with how we behave 'ourselves as women'.

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Good t shirt slogan, at least!

Millytante · 11/11/2025 14:39

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:37

I’ll own that one. I’ve definitely had moments in past jobs where I vented about a colleague being ‘difficult’ without really reflecting on how my own tone or approach might’ve contributed to the tension. It’s easier to frame it as something that happened to me rather than something I played a part in. That’s all I mean - not that women never reflect, just that we all sometimes default to self-protection before self-awareness.

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What in the name of Blessed Germaine has any of that directly to do with feminism? That is emotional immaturity, I’d say.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 11/11/2025 14:38

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:37

I’ll own that one. I’ve definitely had moments in past jobs where I vented about a colleague being ‘difficult’ without really reflecting on how my own tone or approach might’ve contributed to the tension. It’s easier to frame it as something that happened to me rather than something I played a part in. That’s all I mean - not that women never reflect, just that we all sometimes default to self-protection before self-awareness.

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You think that this kind of behaviour is exclusive to women?

HappyGilmorex · 11/11/2025 14:38

As a handy tip for others, that specific phraseology of 'its about X, not Y' (in this case, 'it's about balance, not blame') is an absolute giveaway for AI generated content, particularly when, as here, it's found in vague, word-salad type comments.

Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:37

5128gap · 11/11/2025 14:30

'Ourselves as women', is it? Well perhaps you could start us off with an example, where you as a woman felt you didn't reflect and scrutinise yourself and hold yourself as accountable as a man would have done in the same position? Then we can see if it resonates at all with how we behave 'ourselves as women'.

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I’ll own that one. I’ve definitely had moments in past jobs where I vented about a colleague being ‘difficult’ without really reflecting on how my own tone or approach might’ve contributed to the tension. It’s easier to frame it as something that happened to me rather than something I played a part in. That’s all I mean - not that women never reflect, just that we all sometimes default to self-protection before self-awareness.

OP posts:
Millytante · 11/11/2025 14:36

I don’t think you think much of feminism, nor all that much of women either. You just sound like something some women do really pisses you off, and you want a bit of retribution to be served.
Maybe it’s the behaviour of just one woman, and you believe she falls back on ‘feminism’ as an excuse for whatever sin you believe she has committed. (A bit like people blaming feminism for Lily Allen at her worst, according to comments in the Daily Mail!)

Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:35

usedtobeaylis · 11/11/2025 14:29

To be clear, you're saying that feminism encourages a mindset about women as the 'sensitive gender'?

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Not exactly. I don’t think feminism encourages that mindset, more that parts of modern culture still reinforce it alongside feminism. Feminism challenges inequality but social narratives about women being the more emotional or nurturing gender sometimes linger underneath, and that can shape how accountability plays out in real life.

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 11/11/2025 14:35

Overtheatlantic · 11/11/2025 14:14

I’m making a chicken pie from scratch for dinner tonight.

I wonder how many MN chickens can fit in a pie.

Katkins17 · 11/11/2025 14:34

just waiting for him to cite the ‘matriarchy!’

HappyGilmorex · 11/11/2025 14:33

Hello three word username with your ChatGPT-generated question of the day about why women are shit. Off you toddle now.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 11/11/2025 14:32

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:28

Things like expecting emotional labour from men without recognising it as a two-way street or assuming our feelings automatically take priority in an argument because we’re the more ‘sensitive’ gender. It’s not about blaming women, just noticing where social sympathy sometimes turns into double standards.

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The poster was asking for a clear example. That wasn't an example at all.

I'm astonished that you think women aren't expected to perform emotional labour for men. I also don't recognise any of what you are saying about a lack of accountability, reflection or self awareness. Quite the opposite in fact.

And as you appear to be unable and/or unwilling to offer any concrete examples of what you're actually talking about, I am calling bullshit on this entire thread.

You're either on the wind-up or you're a bloke with a grudge against women.

ibuprofenhead · 11/11/2025 14:32

You are really generalising. Maybe try and be more concise in your argument.

usedtobeaylis · 11/11/2025 14:32

Kreepture · 11/11/2025 14:29

What a load of waffle.

Women are ALWAYS accountable, we're never given leniency, its always our fault.
Too loud
Too chatty
Too soft
Too kind
Too Harsh
Too forward
Shouldn't have worn that/said that/done that/been there

We are given zero leeway in any place, by any person.

We are held to impossible standards, way up on a pedestal and lambasted from one end to the other should be falter from that projected image of perfection for one second.

Show me ANY woman who has never been found accountable for her actions, her life, and her situation... and i'll show you a unicorn.

Your post reminds me of All Her Fault, which I'm currently watching, where everyone around the women are holding them to insane levels of accountability that the men just aren't held to (so far anyway) - and holding themselves to those same levels. I know a lot of women feel that's reflecting something real.

DingDongJingle · 11/11/2025 14:30

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:28

Things like expecting emotional labour from men without recognising it as a two-way street or assuming our feelings automatically take priority in an argument because we’re the more ‘sensitive’ gender. It’s not about blaming women, just noticing where social sympathy sometimes turns into double standards.

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Again, do you have a specific example?

5128gap · 11/11/2025 14:30

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:21

Not quite, I meant when anyone avoids reflecting on their part in a situation. I just think we talk a lot about men’s accountability (which is fair) but we don’t always hold ourselves to the same level of scrutiny. It’s about balance, not blame.

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'Ourselves as women', is it? Well perhaps you could start us off with an example, where you as a woman felt you didn't reflect and scrutinise yourself and hold yourself as accountable as a man would have done in the same position? Then we can see if it resonates at all with how we behave 'ourselves as women'.

Kreepture · 11/11/2025 14:29

What a load of waffle.

Women are ALWAYS accountable, we're never given leniency, its always our fault.
Too loud
Too chatty
Too soft
Too kind
Too Harsh
Too forward
Shouldn't have worn that/said that/done that/been there

We are given zero leeway in any place, by any person.

We are held to impossible standards, way up on a pedestal and lambasted from one end to the other should be falter from that projected image of perfection for one second.

Show me ANY woman who has never been found accountable for her actions, her life, and her situation... and i'll show you a unicorn.

usedtobeaylis · 11/11/2025 14:29

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:28

Things like expecting emotional labour from men without recognising it as a two-way street or assuming our feelings automatically take priority in an argument because we’re the more ‘sensitive’ gender. It’s not about blaming women, just noticing where social sympathy sometimes turns into double standards.

Edited
Show quote history

To be clear, you're saying that feminism encourages a mindset about women as the 'sensitive gender'?

usedtobeaylis · 11/11/2025 14:28

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:26

I’m not saying feminism as a movement should stop campaigning or that equality work isn’t vital. I just think that alongside fighting for rights, we also need to be able to look inward and hold women accountable where needed too. Real equality means being open to self-scrutiny, not because women are worse but because we’re human and social dynamics cut both ways.

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You keep saying 'real equality' but what you're talking about doesn't seem to reflect anything real about sex dynamics in society.

Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:28

nomas · 11/11/2025 14:22

This sounds like a lot of waffle.

Any clear examples? How are women entitled?

Things like expecting emotional labour from men without recognising it as a two-way street or assuming our feelings automatically take priority in an argument because we’re the more ‘sensitive’ gender. It’s not about blaming women, just noticing where social sympathy sometimes turns into double standards.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 11/11/2025 14:27

Borgonzola · 11/11/2025 14:25

If you’re going to start a debate, your starting point needs to be coherent. I’ve read and reread the OP and cannot get a proper sense of what you mean. Perhaps try again

I agree, there is nothing to debate so far.

Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:26

5128gap · 11/11/2025 14:20

I think you're confusing character traits that may be present in some individuals, some of whom may be women, with a political movement designed to further the rights of women and girls. I'm struggling to see how behaviour you claim to be exhibited by some women has any relevance to women as a group seeking to further our rights? Are you suggesting that because some women make poor choices, or exhibit poor behaviour, feminists should stop campaigning?

I’m not saying feminism as a movement should stop campaigning or that equality work isn’t vital. I just think that alongside fighting for rights, we also need to be able to look inward and hold women accountable where needed too. Real equality means being open to self-scrutiny, not because women are worse but because we’re human and social dynamics cut both ways.

OP posts: