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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think feminism’s biggest blind spot is female entitlement?

136 replies

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 13:53

We talk about male privilege all the time but we rarely look at the ways women leverage social sympathy. AIBU to think equality means accountability too, even when it’s uncomfortable?

OP posts:
Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 15:03

hardstareglare · 11/11/2025 14:57

Can you give an example where women’s feelings take priority in an argument?

My ex used to take emotional priority in an argument or he’d punch me. I’ve not experienced what you are saying

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That’s an awful and completely different situation to what I meant. I was talking more about everyday disagreements or social interactions, not abusive dynamics. In your case, what you describe isn’t about emotions at all, it’s about control and violence, which is never okay.

OP posts:
Kreepture · 11/11/2025 15:03

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:59

Of course not, equality isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest. I just think any movement, feminism included, stays stronger when it’s willing to look inward as well as outward. Holding ourselves to the same standard of accountability we ask of others doesn’t undermine equality, it reinforces it.

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I think you need to put the ChatGPT down, and go read up on Feminism, Equality, Accountability and Emotional Intelligence.. with some reading comprehension and critical thinking skills thrown in for good measure.

I don't think you actually have any real understanding what any of those things are on an academic or real life level.. you're just having a nasty case of verbal diarrhoea along an incoherent half-thought that you ought to have kept to yourself,

Naunet · 11/11/2025 15:01

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:59

Of course not, equality isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest. I just think any movement, feminism included, stays stronger when it’s willing to look inward as well as outward. Holding ourselves to the same standard of accountability we ask of others doesn’t undermine equality, it reinforces it.

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So what do we blame for men having flaws? Menism?

Nigellastwinklylights · 11/11/2025 15:01

Jay, mate. Have you thought about switching it off and then switching it on again?

TerrierSlave · 11/11/2025 15:00

hardstareglare · 11/11/2025 14:57

Can you give an example where women’s feelings take priority in an argument?

My ex used to take emotional priority in an argument or he’d punch me. I’ve not experienced what you are saying

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My experience is also that men are more emotional; it's just that the emotions are different. For example, as you say, they're more angry or they get more manipulative in an "if you leave me, I'll kill myself kind of way. So, they're not less emotional than women at all, really, and actually, they're version of emotional is much more likely to be harmful than women's.

Swiftie1878 · 11/11/2025 15:00

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:54

I was using ‘gender’ loosely to mean women, not in the identity-politics sense. I just meant that women are often socially encouraged to be the more emotionally expressive or empathetic sex, and that expectation sometimes shapes how situations are interpreted.

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I think the opposite. Women are socially programmed to constantly self-reflect and take on responsibility for things that aren’t their doing. We find ourselves constantly apologising for simply taking up space. I know this because I have to check myself on it regularly! 😂

typo

Dancingwithweasels · 11/11/2025 15:00

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:56

I’m not saying men are automatically more self-aware. Just that everyone has blind spots and women aren’t exempt from that. I’ve seen plenty from both sexes struggle to reflect when emotions are high, it’s more about human nature than gender one-upmanship.

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That’s eleven posts you e written now and I still haven’t a bloody clue what you’re trying to say

Kreepture · 11/11/2025 14:59

it's coming across like someone is trying to sound intelligent by using a lot of big words in long sentences and not making ANY sense whatsoever.

JadziaD · 11/11/2025 14:59

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 11/11/2025 14:57

So what does any of that have to do with feminism?

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I think it's that that classic situation, that somehow only ever seems to apply to women or feminism, where if you're not PERFECT, you're not allowed to claim to be a feminist. So if you, just once, let a man carry your bag for you "NOT A FEMINIST. BAD FEMINIST. HYPOCRITE". It's the old, "oh, women can't haev it both ways - men looking after them AND equality int he work place. They just want it all and you can never please them or get anything right."

Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:59

Naunet · 11/11/2025 14:53

What has any of this got to do with feminism? Did you think women should only have rights and equality if they're perfect Jay? Do you apply that to men too?

Of course not, equality isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest. I just think any movement, feminism included, stays stronger when it’s willing to look inward as well as outward. Holding ourselves to the same standard of accountability we ask of others doesn’t undermine equality, it reinforces it.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 11/11/2025 14:58

JadziaD · 11/11/2025 14:57

AI would be better and at least make sense. I think it's EDITED Ai! Grin

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I agree. ChatGPT is usually coherent to a degree.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 11/11/2025 14:57

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:56

I’m not saying men are automatically more self-aware. Just that everyone has blind spots and women aren’t exempt from that. I’ve seen plenty from both sexes struggle to reflect when emotions are high, it’s more about human nature than gender one-upmanship.

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So what does any of that have to do with feminism?

hardstareglare · 11/11/2025 14:57

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:28

Things like expecting emotional labour from men without recognising it as a two-way street or assuming our feelings automatically take priority in an argument because we’re the more ‘sensitive’ gender. It’s not about blaming women, just noticing where social sympathy sometimes turns into double standards.

Edited
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Can you give an example where women’s feelings take priority in an argument?

My ex used to take emotional priority in an argument or he’d punch me. I’ve not experienced what you are saying

JadziaD · 11/11/2025 14:57

TwoTuesday · 11/11/2025 14:52

Yes, this! AI slop at its finest..and reported.

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AI would be better and at least make sense. I think it's EDITED Ai! Grin

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 11/11/2025 14:56

OP, do you think that your tendency to avoid self reflection might perhaps be a symptom of your poor critical thinking skills rather than anything to do with your adopted "gender"?

JHound · 11/11/2025 14:56

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 13:59

Things like expecting emotional leniency because we’re women or using vulnerability to deflect responsibility. For example, when women make poor choices in relationships or workplaces but frame it as something ‘done to’ them rather than something they also contributed to. It’s not about blaming, just about holding both genders to the same standard of self-awareness.

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This has nothing to do with feminism.

Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:56

ThreeTescoBags · 11/11/2025 14:50

So when a person finds themselves in a situation where communication is proving difficult, you believe that a man's reaction is to look within themselves to find a reason why they are at fault and their behaviour needs modifying, whereas a woman will just dismiss the other person as a cunt and go about their day?

Yep, that definitely tallies with my lived experience.

I’m not saying men are automatically more self-aware. Just that everyone has blind spots and women aren’t exempt from that. I’ve seen plenty from both sexes struggle to reflect when emotions are high, it’s more about human nature than gender one-upmanship.

OP posts:
Kreepture · 11/11/2025 14:56

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:45

Emotional immaturity definitely plays a role. I just think some cultural patterns overlap with that and feminism isn’t immune to them. When a movement focuses (rightly) on external justice, it can sometimes make self-reflection feel secondary. It’s more an observation about human nature showing up within feminism, not an attack on it.

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Is english your first language?

I'm not asking to be horrible, i'm fairly advanced in my reading comprehension, but i'm struggling to extrapolate anything from the word salad you're putting out here.

You need to try and stop being so wordy, and be more to the point, and concise.

Original poster
FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:54

5128gap · 11/11/2025 14:48

Sensitive 'gender'? Are we talking here about a group of people who feel they align with a stereotype of femininity that includes traits such as sensitivity? Or are we talking about people of the female sex? Because if you're going to use 'we' people need to understand if that includes them or not. I am of the female sex, but I'm certainly not of 'the Sensitive gender' because frankly, it's not a thing.

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I was using ‘gender’ loosely to mean women, not in the identity-politics sense. I just meant that women are often socially encouraged to be the more emotionally expressive or empathetic sex, and that expectation sometimes shapes how situations are interpreted.

OP posts:
Naunet · 11/11/2025 14:53

What has any of this got to do with feminism? Did you think women should only have rights and equality if they're perfect Jay? Do you apply that to men too?

TwoTuesday · 11/11/2025 14:52

HappyGilmorex · 11/11/2025 14:38

As a handy tip for others, that specific phraseology of 'its about X, not Y' (in this case, 'it's about balance, not blame') is an absolute giveaway for AI generated content, particularly when, as here, it's found in vague, word-salad type comments.

Yes, this! AI slop at its finest..and reported.

ThreeTescoBags · 11/11/2025 14:50

So when a person finds themselves in a situation where communication is proving difficult, you believe that a man's reaction is to look within themselves to find a reason why they are at fault and their behaviour needs modifying, whereas a woman will just dismiss the other person as a cunt and go about their day?

Yep, that definitely tallies with my lived experience.

TTCbabynumber22025 · 11/11/2025 14:50

I can’t believe you think men are more likely to self reflect or take accountability 😂that’s hilarious

QueenClinomania · 11/11/2025 14:48

Genuinely hilarious.

5128gap · 11/11/2025 14:48

FairGameJay · 11/11/2025 14:28

Things like expecting emotional labour from men without recognising it as a two-way street or assuming our feelings automatically take priority in an argument because we’re the more ‘sensitive’ gender. It’s not about blaming women, just noticing where social sympathy sometimes turns into double standards.

Edited
Show quote history

Sensitive 'gender'? Are we talking here about a group of people who feel they align with a stereotype of femininity that includes traits such as sensitivity? Or are we talking about people of the female sex? Because if you're going to use 'we' people need to understand if that includes them or not. I am of the female sex, but I'm certainly not of 'the Sensitive gender' because frankly, it's not a thing.