Do your parents offer to have your children?

When my children were little my mum lived 8 hours away and cared for my Gran. Initially. my MIL was 45mins away but we moved for work and were 4hours away. She never volunteered to babysit. We asked twice.My mum would fly down once every 6 weeks. MIL sent more time with SIL as she was a single patent. My Mum died when eldest was in juniors.
I feel that my children missed out on Grandparents
My brother and lovely wife still look after my Disable adult DC if we head North. They are wonderful.
Apart from that we have paid for child care.

My kids are young adults now, but my mum and dad had them overnight frequently when they were little. We moved away from them because of jobs, but they'd still have them for a few days in school holidays. Hope I can do the dame for my kids.

My parents are like your DHs. When I was pregnant my mum said she would drop to a 4 day week (first and only grandchild), that never came to be and they moved abroad just after he turned 2. I don’t think they’re interested which makes me sad for my son as I have a great relationship with both sets of grandparents who I saw regularly growing up.

I am lucky that I have a fab MIL down the road who has him one night a week and a few weekends a year when DP and I have something on.

I think it’s so sad grandparents don’t want to be in their grandchildren’s lives. I loved my grandparents and loved staying with them. My mum was very involved with all her grandchildren, she provided childcare for them all. They now all have a terrific bond. Not a day go by without one of the grandchildren calling in to see her and bringing her a wee gift, It’s lovely to see.

My mom tells me when she’s having my 5 year old for a sleepover 😂

I love the bond they have but it makes me feel guilty if i ask for help a different time.

His other grandparents- they’re content with a few photos here and there. Then expect we fit them in around xmas and birthdays so they can handover presents.

No. I’m NC with my family, but even when I wasn’t, no one ever offered to spend time with my dc. Dh’s family, similar, neither of our dc has ever been invited over to MIL’s house to spend the day with her like we used to as kids. My youngest - he’s about to turn 8! - has never even been to granny’s house.

The only time we see family is if they want somewhere to stay for a few days, they give us dates, we do all the hosting, they don’t take our dc out or do anything with them. They will chat with them at meal times and maybe watch a movie with them, but don’t ever offer to spend any time alone with them. Closest we’ve come recently is I was in hospital having cancer surgery and MIL took youngest to school that morning.

They only see us if we host. As a family, we haven’t been to MIL’s house in probably a decade and haven’t been to BIL/SIL’s in probably about that long as well (in fact, last time I went to BIL’s he had a different SIL 🤣 it’s been that long).

I have had relatives/grandparents do babysitting when DS was little and we have taken him out with them on outings, but none of my relatives, nor DH's, have EVER had him by himself. No outings, no sleepovers, nor inviting him over to their house when he was older. Nada.

He did go for outings without us and sleepovers with friends, just never relatives. I suppose they just didn't want the faff. He wasn't difficult, I could understand it if he was challenging but he wasn't.

He's 17 now and only my Mum left, so that's that. (Mum did lots of this with my DB's DS, but not my kid. It does sting. DH's parents saw a lot more of him but they didn't have any other GC to favour, so I guess it's not that!)

Nope. Neither set ever offered. Had to ask mine when needed but otherwise no one in the whole family ever offered.

Some people embrace being a granparent and others don’t. I will embrace being a granparent but my kids have one active granparent and others that don’t bother at all. Don’t even get Christmas gifts or a call. If the kids were not taken to see her and dad telling her he was coming she would never of asked. She’s actually messaged him a while back asking him to keep the kids as home and come alone. He sees her twice a year if that for a couple of hours. Some kids have people they are related to but have no relationship by choice. It’s sad really.

My mum offers. Has the kids once a week. Sometimes more. Hubbys parents never offer and act like it’s a huge chore if we ask them

No. You find it depends if location of parents and his fit they are. There's no right or wrong answer here. But no my parents never had and I wouldn't expect them too.

Yes - both my mum and my in-laws actively make plans to see the kids and take them out both with us and without. My mum keeps angling for my older one to sleep over and my DD would love it but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, my in-laws have said they wouldn't be comfortable having them overnight unless in an emergency (which is fair enough).

I think it's a mixed bag though and every family is different, I totally get why those who have done with child rearing/ getting older might not want to be around little kids.

My parents did offer - his parents had to be asked, which was totally fine because unlike my parents they were both working ft running their own businesses. We were near both. Even if grandparents don't have competing responsibilities one can't expect it of them necessarily. Maybe they just don't want to do looking after small kids again, and if so one has to live with that.

Will they do things for you if asked?
My parents live close by and where I don't remember them actually ever offering to babysit or take the kids out, they did if I asked. My Mum woudl look after them in the holidays for example once she was retired.
My parents are the opposite of pushy and I think they don't like to feel like they are imposing - could this be a possibility in your situation?

Nope!

MiL was elderly and didn't drive.

My parents just didn't offer. All too much trouble. Once when I asked if they could have them, my mum said ‘oh but what will I feed them?’

FGS - anything, burgers, beans, egg…anything. Made me feel it was too much trouble for them.

My parents emigrated just after I became a single parent!

Even now, with DM back in the UK and the DGC’s young adults, she will say ‘I hardly see DGC’s’.
I respond with ‘give them a ring, invite them for tea, or out for a meal’.

She never does.

Yep both sets always offer to babysit her whenever needed. One set lives an hour away, the other 2.5hrs away so we only ask them when it’s something bigger planned like going to see a show/work event.

Neither set of parents ever offered to have them and one set lived 2 mins drive away. The other parents lived 4 hours drive away and never looked after them too. It was very hard especially as I had a husband who worked away for 2 weeks at a time. I try be best to always be available for my grandchildren.

Neither set of parents ever offered to have them and one set lived 2 mins drive away. The other parents lived 4 hours drive away and never looked after them too. It was very hard especially as I had a husband who worked away for 2 weeks at a time. I try be best to always be available for my grandchildren.

Neither set of parents ever offered to have them and one set lived 2 mins drive away. The other parents lived 4 hours drive away and never looked after them too. It was very hard especially as I had a husband who worked away for 2 weeks at a time. I try be best to always be available for my grandchildren.

Neither set of parents ever offered to have them and one set lived 2 mins drive away. The other parents lived 4 hours drive away and never looked after them too. It was very hard especially as I had a husband who worked away for 2 weeks at a time. I try be best to always be available for my grandchildren.

My parents offer all the time, we see them 4/5 times a week and my DS sleeps every week and DD every other week.

My FIL has only met DS (7) 5/6 times and my DD who is 3 once which was at my wedding. But my FIL is much older than my parents and lives a 90 mins drive away.

Don’t live near my mum and my dad has passed.
my FIL is great sees my children nearly every day. My MIL isn’t as interested 🤷🏼‍♀️

Mine don't, mostly I think they worry about the responsibility and get anxious. But they're very affectionate, loving, attentive and nurturing towards grandchildren.

DH's parents always offer, but are somewhat over confident and haven't really made an effort to get to know or understand each child. And they're far less safety conscious than me and emotionally detached. Think leaving child to cry it out in cot, when it wasn't nap time, just because they wanted their siesta! So I don't let them have unsupervised time/full responsibility. Ironic really!

My parents are too far away to really offer, but they have looked after DD more often than my inlaws who live much much closer. My inlaws just aren’t that interested. If I was nearer my parents would have helped and they are generally more interested, do face time etc.

No. My dm hasn't been to my house in over 17 years.
Shes never looked after my DC.

We haven't fallen out or anything like that, just never happened.