RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

Soft play is even worse if you bring an extra sibling isn’t it? Our local soft play is £20 per head for parties!

Agree with this,

If she has seen you at parties with your youngest she will probably assume you don’t mind. Personally I still would have asked rather than told you but tbh there’s often times where if I couldn’t have taken my youngest my eldest wouldn’t have managed to go. Luckily nobody has put me in that position. I think unless they are dropping off it’s inevitable that siblings will sometimes be required to come too. I think you need to decide what’s worse too many or not enough. The chances are she’ll tell others the reason her daughter can’t come and then they may decide not to go if they are in a similar position. It may also just create unnecessary drama for the sake of one extra guest. I also think you run the risk of not being able to take your youngest to parties if people start getting petty which sadly they can do.

You know what I find shitty and dismissive? Someone taking it upon themselves to invite another child to a party that they aren't invited to. Never mind space, cost, preferences of the host or the party kid, little Johnny is coming along because that's what's easier for me.

If she has a childcare issue, she can set it out clearly, and ask rather than dictate.

Surely this depends on the child? Mine would have hated this at 4 and would have cried and not let me leave, so she wouldn’t have attended the party in the end if I wasn’t there. She finds them overwhelming and noisy. But she enjoys them with parental support and the odd moment stepping away from the main room. So this is what we do, with a view to building resilience, because the other option is she doesn’t go and she doesn’t get used to it.

This is perfect

We have very different 2 year olds. Mine will sit on my knee for approximately 2 minutes and then he’s off and I have to hover over him as he tries to pick up ornaments, grabs food off tables, climbs on furniture, wipes his sticky hands on glass doors. I would of course stop him from doing all of these things in someone else’s house, but it would be difficult trying to placate my clingy school age child as well who sometimes gets quite overwhelmed by parties/noise. I would leave that party exhausted and honestly I would decline the invite rather than take both children. We all have different kids and different experiences.

She can drop the 4 year old off, by the sounds of it you know her well so you aren't a stranger to her child. It's so cheeky to assume especially at a party at home, Imagine if all 11 showed up with 1 or 2 siblings plus parents, you wouldn't be able to move!! It isn't like you can spill out into the garden at this time of year either. It's so so rude on her part to assume you are inviting her 2 children when 1 name is on the invite.

I'd have no shame replying that numbers are limited and you were only inviting the 4 year old, you are happy for them to drop off if it's easier for them.

Do not feel bad, they are being cheeky, the assumption is no siblings unless you specify in my opinion!

I’ve been in the position of no childcare for two parties and both times I messaged well in advance explaining and asking politely if I could bring the toddler so my DD could attend, offered to pay for him where relevant etc. One parent said yes, one said no, both responses absolutely fine, why should they accommodate an extra child if they don’t want to or can’t? Parties were expensive!

She's your friend and you've brought your other child to parties where they weren't on the invite. I'd let her come with her other children. I think in reality it's different if the person was a stranger and therefore you don't care about coming off cold. If she doesn't have childcare then she likely won't come to the party at all and would that be awkward given she's a friend? Plus she knows you've brought your other child as an extra to other parties. I think if you've done this then you really should return the favour to others. She might have come off as too familiar because you're friends and she assumed you'd be fine with it.

A party for a 4-year old? Madness. So unnecessary.

"Hi Jane! Thanks for your RSVP, unfortunately we can't accommodate any siblings this time. Hope you can still come! Annie would love to have Susan there! You are welcome to drop and run if that's easier for you."

I’m baffled that people think it would have been, or would be, a good idea for OP to state ‘no siblings’ on a party invitation when she herself sometimes has to ask to take her younger child to birthday parties (when presumably if she was told no and adults were expected to stay with their children, her daughter would have to miss out). As a host I’d have a lot less leniency for someone who had done that for their own child’s party than someone who’d welcomed mine when I needed it. This is an issue for a very finite amount of time and the consequences of being rigid and hypocritical about it are likely to be more far-reaching than the difficulties of squeezing in an extra two year old for the duration of the party.

"Based on current numbers, we haven't space for siblings, but if that changes, I'll let you know."

People are selfishly thoughtless, you're already offering to host her and one child, if everyone brought an extra, or the whole family it would be a nightmare!

Don't rule out someone popping up at some point and asking the OP if she could "just move to a bigger house".

Is it that hard to let a 2 year old of your friend come to your house??
honestly don’t over think it, the more the merrier. It will be fine.

That's not the OPs issue though. Is she suddenly meant to make her house larger for other people's childcare issues

This is perfect.

Plus if each has a parent staying then that's 33 people (36 if we include the OP and her kids). Whilst I could probably get that many people into my house it would be one hell of a squish (and I might have to stick a couple in the shoe cupboard). It'd also be near impossible to be able to give kids enough room to play games or craft in. It would be ok if they could go in the garden but that's not likely to be an option for the OP in November.

For future, I would usually invite a few less. Ideal number for little ones is often only their age. Ie 4 year old party, invite 4-5 kids max. Too many is overwhelming at that age. plus keeps costs down and prep work.

Then you have more space for parent or siblings ( parents staying ideal imo as then you have help, and someone to chat with and it’s more social for you also).

I only have one child, but there’s really no family or friends I could drop him with. So for events he can’t attend, it simply means I can’t either ( if dh isn’t around). I mean I do have neighbours or his friends parents now he’s a bit older I could drop with in dire emergency like health issue, important meeting , but not for a kids birthday party. And at 2 years when they require a lot more hands on care I couldn’t have.

If you're already friends/friendly with the mom I'd be honest you're limited on space so you'll let her know when the rest of the RSVPs roll in. Is it an option for her to just drop the older one off?

From experience, I have found that less people tend to attend parties at home compared to ones in eg soft play, so your numbers may be less than anticipated hopefully. I think you have to make space, as your friend has accommodated your child in the past.

A potentially bigger problem is the kids who are accompanied by both parents!

Can you say, can I let you know nearer the time as we already have a full house and you are worried that everyone might ask to bring siblings as there simply won't be room if that happens and you might have to rethink the party. That you have to wait until youve had everyones replies. Then if it's just her that has asked and you have brought your 2.5 year old to her parties, message back and say, yes. If it turns out everyone can't come unless siblings are there too then you might have to rethink the venue and do something else entirely.

The reality of modern life is some parents don't have the luxury of two lots of childcare for the purposes of parties. In those incidences either

A) Their child misses out on parties (as well as the host child missing one of their friends attending)

B) They leave their child in the care of the party host whilst they care for other sibling

C) They attend party with both kids if host allows it

Rather than a hard no I would like to see a bit of wiggle room. Perhaps explain to your friend that as long as numbers are reasonable then sibling 2 can attend. However, if all invitees attend it won't be possible? I think that highlights your dilemma to your friend whilst being sympathetic to her situation.

it’s a bit sad and selfish that you can’t accomodate a 2 year old when they clearly don’t have any childcare for them.

If someone has childcare not available you need to decide what you want people to do:

1. bring sibling
2. drop and run - four year olds are a bit young for people to assume that’s okay
3. not come

Ypunger siblings don’t stop existing because a party invite happened so if you don’t have another parent/adult to watch them options are limited.