RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

The way she’s going about is disgusting so even if it was ok with you to host the younger brother I would tell her straight he is not invited.

‘It’s Amelia’s party and we have invited her friends only and you will have to make arrangements elsewhere for Tarquin whilst his sister is at Amelia’s party.’

This is what I don't get. If they are old enough to be in school or even last year of nursery then they get dropped off daily. So why do parents feel the need to hang around kids parties instead of dropping them off

DS's birthday parties always have lots of siblings and I make sure there's enough food, party bags, etc. It's expected and happens at every kids party so no-one bats an eyelid and they're all catered for. However if numbers/space is tight then absolutely fine to to say sorry, no siblings. You might get some kids that can't attend because of that but it's how it is.

Since this is your friend, you know the toddler and it's a big party anyway (you're brave inviting 11 children that age to your home!) I think it looks very mean to say no.

I would make the exception for her. Ask her not to tell anyone, say you would love to have her toddler (as a friend for yours to play with) but you haven't space for any others).

Sorry 4th birthday, won't be at school, probably do need parent there.

Age 4 in school ? Drop and dash ? if you don't want the younger sibs.

She hasn’t got room though. Especially if more than one sibling comes.

These ratios are implying that you have a few adults present, so that means that other parents of invited children are being included? As the host is going to be pretty busy organising games and food. I wouldn’t be very pleased to be put in charge of someone else’s child at a party without being asked. What about discipline? If you don’t even know the child how on earth can you know how the parents want them parented? It’s different if it’s your job and schools and nurseries have clear boundaries and rules which the children follow mostly very well. My five year old apparently behaves beautifully in a school environment but all the noise and sugar at parties is a whole different kettle of fish!

I think this one is a bit more complex than a usual bringing sibling party one as you're friends with the mum and have a 2 yo too and she knows the party is at home. She may think it's just a little tea party. Also it sounds like she's a valued friend and not trying to be a CF. I think I'd message her really honestly (or better still, chat in person) along the lines of "Hi Jane, I've invited 11 of DD's friends and I'm a bit worried that space may become an issue if siblings come. Can I let you know if there's space for Billy in a few days when I've had more responses?".

If it was a random nursery friend of DD's parent saying she'd bring an unknown 2 yo then I'd have a different view.

Same here and have made an exception for siblings where I know childcare will be an issue. However its circumstantial and depends on the friend and the kids! My party my rules...

I beg to differ and say they absolutely can do all of the above and more. Most parents grossly underestimate the abilities of a 4 yr old. I work in a ratio of 10:1 with this age group and we manage every day. Of course it's different at a party with new environment etc but a 5:1 should be enough. 3:1 would be extremely comfortable. All children by 3.5 can pour a drink and carry a cup (small jug needed), they can take food onto their own plate, they can bring a paper plate to the bin, they can line up but need supervision. Complex games with rules and winners and losers probably aren't suitable. They just need instruction at the start and a firm hand. For example, queue skippers go to the back. They learn very quickly that it doesn't work. It's just difficult to be strong with kids if you aren't used go them so we tend to avoid giving direction.

This is a bit of a stretch isn’t it. I’ve raised two kids through the party years and hosted multiple as a result. Sometimes there’s a couple of sibling tag alongs, it has never been any drama to me. When we had a soft play party, the people that brought siblings (probably a couple on each occasion) paid separately for their child but I still bunged them a couple of chicken nuggets, a piece of cake and a spare party bag. It was fine.

'We're a bit tight on space to have siblings too, but it's no problem- you'd be welcome to drop friend off and collect them at the end". If friend hasn't been to your house on their own before, invite them over to play for an hour in between now and then so they feel comfortable being left on their own... or: you think 'what's 1 extra when you have a house of 11 friends plus their parents?'

If they're an age where parents have to stay with them, I would assume they will have to bring siblings. What else were the parents supposed to do with them?!

This is the ideal solution, what are you going to do if all the other responses also say they will be bringing a sibling?

Can't you just tell her she is more than welcome just drop her 4 year old off? Problem solved

Just say "can I let you know if sibling can come?Depends on how many people decide to come because of space. If quite a few drop out, it will be fine"

That's what I'd say, then your trying to accommodate her but also not making it more stressful for yourself.

Most soft play parties I've been to, parents have to pay for siblings entry and the siblings aren't allowed in the party room. The parents just pay for them to use the soft play as normal and maybe buy them some food too and sit at a separate table.
It's not as clear cut in a church hall with a bouncy castle if everyone just turns up with all thier kids, which was my experience. I just let it all happen to be honest but then siblings didn't get party bags at the end.

you still need to nip this in the bud.
Tell her you don't have room. And that if she likes she can drop her daughter and run?

Because if you don'T stop it now, this is it for every party, and there will be more and more siblings.

Just say due to lack of space no siblings please....say happy to for them to drop the child off if its due to lack of childcare?

I agree. Say sorry you dont have the room

Exactly this.

I would reply saying we'd prefer no siblings attend unless there really is no alternative childcare for you on the day. Because that's how I feel in general on this issue, some people really can't make it work (single mums for example) and others just treat parties as a family day out when one parent could have stayed at home with the non invited children.
She was cheeky to tell you instead of asking you.

This, it’s just rude to assume. Maybe she thought OP would be cool with it but she shouldn’t assume, she should ask very nicely, and in this COL crisis I think that she should offer to bring her own food for the little one and definitely make it clear they do not need a party bag. Even if all of that got declined by the host it’s just polite. People are struggling with money and who knows how long it has taken someone to save up for the party food because they want to give their kid a nice party.