RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

At four I don't understand why children can't just be dropped off at a party. I thought that these days most kids go to nursery or even school, they don't need to be mollycoddled.

Perfect response.

What you need is a nice tight schedule where you keep activities short, have lots of them, and make sure children sit and listen, using their listening skills. As mentioned above a two year old can either sit on mum's lap or mum can join in with activities with two year old but mum needs to earn her keep if she is bringing other child.

At 4 could you not offer to look after the invited child and suggest she drops and runs so she can look after her younger one.

Although with 1 declining maybe her youngest would keep your youngest occupied.

We always did drop off for parties at home once children knew one another from preschool - no need for parents to stay with children used to being dropped off at preschool. That way childcare for siblings is irrelevant and no reason to bring a sibling.

11 children is too many at that age though - five is plenty. We pretty much never had anyone decline an invite under those circumstances.

Not having childcare is entirely possible - that's the problem with asking parents to stay.

Absolutely this.
My son has been to 4 parties already this term (Mr Popular haha) between pre school pals and activities friends and I only stayed at 1 of them, as the birthday boy's mum is my friend and I offered to help.
All the others afforded me a very nice couple of hours to spend with my other child.

A few people declining will help with the space. But if you can't accommodate the siblings then I think say the older child can attend without their mum, this negating the child care issue. We could fit 10 children, but not 10 children and 10 adults, never mind additional uninvited children, so the space thing is genuine. But 10 party children with no additional adults is quite a feat.

I’d wait to see who RSVPs. I’d be happy for my friends to bring the siblings but not all the other parents. See what the numbers say.

It's tricky. It's my 4yr olds party soon - I have asked 10 children, resulting in 21 adults and 6 siblings. Party bags for siblings are tricky as contents are not necessarily appropriate for little ones. I now just use the church hall and hope for the best.
Everyone who I invited has said yes!

Yeah, I see OP's point, but in my experience for wee kids, parents will come and that will always inevitably mean bringing babies/younger siblings. Kids' parties are always chaotic. I think it's maybe best to just accept that and try to roll with it.

I would reply and say you are short on space at the moment, if another child can’t come then the younger sibling is welcome but at the moment of all can come then you won’t be able to host the sibling

We only invited dc who could be left. You learn who they are when you haven’t got space.

If she’s a good friend then you accept the sibling. I wouldn’t risk her daughter not being able to come due to childcare issues (or fall out with a good friend)
It’s not ideal but better than the alternative.

”Sorry, we’re unable to accommodate any more children due to space but you’re welcome to drop X off”

Then don't send them!!! I can't remember ever having to stay at a kids party when mine were young.

What are you actually imagining will happen anyway?

I roped in a couple of family members ( and my childminder who was a personal friend) to help out rather than random strangers

We don't know exactly what she wrote. If someone wrote to me well in advance of the party 'I would have to bring Oliver' I'd note the conditional tense and assume she's floating the idea. If she said 'I'll have to bring Oliver' I'd suspect the same. It would be very different if she said 'I'm going to bring Oliver so have a party bag for him too'. I know people on MN love to jump to calling people entitled CFs but there are plenty of ways she could have phrased this that wouldn't qualify as entitled, especially as she apparently knows OP brings her own toddler along to parties so clearly doesn't see it as a taboo. I think people who assume good rather than bad intentions tend to live a happier life, so I'd assume the best of the other parent if at all possible.

"Sorry, we don't have space for any siblings. Happy for you to drop and collect - you don't need to stay."
If you want, you can say that if the situation changes and there is space, you'll let her know.

Because it’s not a controlled environment and you’ve no idea what will happen. Also your child may feel nervous going to a new place without you at that age (or even older!). Which is totally normal.

I’m in the middle. I think if you’re genuinely right for space or it’s a pay per head party (which it’s not) then you may have to say sorry. But if you can squeeze a little one in and it will help friendships longer term then suck it up.

you could say - hi friend, we’d love to have little sibling come too but due to space I may need to wait for numbers. I hope that’s ok but I’ll let you know when I can.

Because nurseries and schools are set up to be safe environments with qualified paid childcare providers or teachers. It’s literally their job. It’s not the job of a party host to provide free childcare as well as food and entertainment to a group of over excited children, unless they want to and then they need to specify this. It’s so cheeky to assume that the party host will do your childcare for you for free! At all the parties round here the parents don’t “hang around” they actively tend to their children. The issues is not just whether the kids are comfortable being dropped off.

If you don't have space then say she's welcome to drop the girl off but sibling can't stay due to space. I would personally wait and see how many actually rsvp first though as you may end up with room for him

advised… would have to bring him
Sounds totally entitled to me!

It's normal around here for younger siblings to come to parties, especially for under 5s who need parents to stay. Drop-off parties only started at age 6 around here (and as a host I was happier having parents supervising their own kids until then). Admittedly it's rare for parties to be in people's houses, if they can't afford to hire a venue they usually do a park party (obviously not ideal in winter).

In the past I've read the comments on MN about how rude it is so I made arrangements for my younger DD to be taken elsewhere during a party my eldest was invited to, then when we turned up the host asked where my youngest was and that she would have enjoyed it! So I think the approach varies in different areas and social circles - if it doesn't suit you then you need to be clear with boundaries (ideally on the invitations) but it's not universally seen as rude and many people are fine with it.

And if everyone invited turns up with their siblings?

How does that work if the party is for your 2 year old? Would you still take your older DC who presumably would NOT just sit in your knee?