RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

Sorry that bit was badly phrased - they needed taking to the loo, not help to use the loo

Honestly I wouldn’t treat a friend like this. On any other day surely her kids are welcome to your home. I have a toddler and an older child. Both my kids were always invited to a friend’s place for a party. My 9yo friend had a party and my toddler was invited to their place as the mum is also a friend.

you know your friend has childcare issues, she’s your friend and not the parent of a kid in the class, you both have kids the same age. Why wouldn’t you make an exception?

This is where either a phone call or in person is best - I'd explain about the space/numbers constraint but say if people can't come then of course sibling can join (assuming you are OK with this) and you'll have to come back to her.

So how the hell do these 7 year olds go to the loo otherwise?

PS but agree she phrased it rudely and should not have assumed.

I think it’s very hard/inhospitable to say no when it’s an at home party. It’s just one more around the table to cake surely?

But like a PP, there are lots of low income and single parent families where I live so it’s the done thing not to make their lives harder.

I think it depends if you need the mum to stay or not? If she is expected to say but has no other childcare for the sibling you can't expect her to attend. So depends what you want more? I'm fine with siblings if it's not pay per head. Even then it's normally OK as not everyone turns up.

4 seems young to drop and run for a party. We had this for a reception age party. Around 60 kids came and not one of them stayed!

So a compromise would be drop and run but keep the party short

I’m going to get so much hate for this but I think that’s reasonable for a soft play or trampoline type party: something that’s cost a lot of money. But for a party at someone’s house it just looks pretentious and rude.

Yeah we’ve done similar and had parents stay. Was so glad as I couldn’t have l taken them all to the toilet and there were a few with food allergies that I’d have been nervous about overseeing.

once they’re a bit older it does get easier.

'Thanks for the reply.
Just to clarify, the invite was just for [insert invited child's name], unfortunately we don't have space for siblings too. We hope [insert name of child] can still make it along, but we understand if she can't.'

But how do you know they are responsible? That’s my point.

you know that you are - so if you’re the host then you can feel reassured you can keep people safe.

But as a parent of a shy child - I feel less comfortable dropping off to an unknown house where I don’t know who is there or what they are doing.

But that’s me and if that’s molly coddling then so be it.

We held a sixth birthday party at a leisure centre last year (DC young in year so most of the kids were seven) and almost all the parents stayed. This is not an especially 'helicopter parent' school. Of the two kids that were left, both cried at different times and needed help going to the loo. At four, no chance

So in an already over full room she adds a highchair, I can't be the only one thinking thats a totally bonkers suggestion 😂

I hope she doesn't have to come on the bus

I don't think not having enough space could ever be classed as mean, it's not like shes deliberately holding the party in a small place to exclude anyone

Were would you draw the line with siblings?

"Omg I didn't even think that Joseph might want to come! I'm so sorry this party thing is all new to me. As we're doing it at home I can't have all the siblings - my bad. Is Mary still able to come? I'll update the invite now and send it to everyone - so so sorry"

If just let her bring her other kid. Like you said she will watch him not you and he can play with your younger one

Yeah we never did 4yo drop parties but not the question so who cares!

I’d be totally honest @Watchespaintdry, I’d say glad X can come, but can I get back to you about sibling? I just need to check overall numbers, thanks!

Nothing wrong with that. It’s true, it’s reasonable and gives you scope to say yes later if you want. She might just decide to make another arrangement though. I’d try to get back to her quickly or give an indication of when I’d let her know.

Suggest she brings his high chair, so that you don't have to turn one of DD's friends away, to accommodate him.

I didn't do parties for 4 year olds. But tbh I had kids in school for a long while. Eldest started in 1995 and youngest left ( to go to college) in 2020.

I wasn't friends ( or even knew by sight ) with ANY of their school friends parents. Why would I want these random women in my house.? But my eldest 5th birthday no parents stayed and that was held in a garden

It's how we used to do it. Why is everyone so molly-coddled these days? A responsible parent (or 2 - expect both present) can look after a dozen children at a birthday party, surely?

Why are the parents coming to a four-year-old's birthday party? It used to be that invited child would be dropped off and picked up (with booty bag) two hours later. No childcare needed for other children (I wish people wouldn't use 'sibling' it plays straight into the trans agenda about not knowing a child's 'gender').
Were I hosting said party I would expect to say goodbye to parents at the the door. Why clutter up the place with extra adults who will need feeding and watering?

I'm sure it will be fine, they will be too busy having fun to notice if it's a bit crowded. Only let the party kids sit at the table, if any of them do sit. Are you doing party games? Is there room for mums in the kitchen? It will be good to have a child for your younger one to play with.

FFS. 🤦‍♀️

school and nursery is mostly a safe and registered environment and some children need settling in sessions and a period of transition. It’s a bit different to being dropped at a random house with unknown adults/people where there could be something dodgy or unsafe.

You”re more trusting than me and that’s ok. But I wouldn’t feel happy sending my 4 year old to a house party that when I don’t know the parents/house/family etc. No way!

If it were a friend I’ve known or we’ve been there before then maybe. Good friends then yes of course.

what I imagine might happen? Dirty houses, illegal dogs, abuse, neglect, they may not have the confidence to say if they feel unwell or are hurt or need the toilet. Lots could happen!!

Kids are also different and not all 4 year olds will feel confident going to new homes with different families and parenting etc.

If you never stayed then that’s your choice. If my child felt unsafe or I felt it wasn’t safe then I wouldn’t take them (unless I can stay).

When my DC were little, I expected parent's to stay at a 4 year old party so would also fully expect siblings to attend if childcare was an issue.