RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

Tell her no. It’s for 4yr and you have 10 kids coming and have brought food for 10 plates /party bags

I would be saying no to 2yr and if it means your 4yr can’t come then not a problem and maybe she can come next year

Whenever I send invites out I always always put that on them that unfortunately we cannot accommodate siblings. I've only once so far had someone say in return that they would need to bring a baby sibling with them and would that be ok. And for that party yes a babe in arms was completely fine and understandable. Loads of my friends have unfortunately had poor experiences of people turning up often with multiple uninvited siblings, older, younger, sometimes terribly behaved, sometimes asking for party bags, sitting down to try and eat kids meals in a soft play party that they were not invited to as the parent pretends not to notice and so on...so yeah, I always tell them straight. And so far haven't had any problems.

Could you ask her to drop off the older one and leave as you don’t have space for extra kids but don’t want older one to miss out?

@Alliod40 No I didn’t and the op doesn’t have the space. If everyone brings siblings, what then? We never had an open house party.

Just send an updated email to all those invited adding, due to space, numbers attending security and safety, invitees only, unfortunately that includes all siblings. Sorry but safety comes first.

I think you need to relax and open your heart, the reply is... Great see you then.

Sorry but when you have birthday parties do you not invite your friends kids anyways and then your daughters friends of course lol ..when I've had parties for my girls they've had their friends but even my teenage daughters have had friends come ha,there's a big age gap between the first 2 and 2nd 2..this is bizarre to me to not have all ages there ..all the perfect Mumsnet Mums will be here saying no DO NOT allow this of course..its different if you're out in a part area paying alot of money a head but you're at home and she's your friend fgs

You dont have a village because you exclude people. Toddlers are people too.
Its just mumsnet batshittery thst a 4 year old party would only include some of friends kids.

We never had a hall party! We always had a home party. How ungrateful and mean to say it’s not as good. No unhappy children at my parties. Restrained numbers to 8 when little and 12 when older.

Just make sure all the invited kids have a seat at the table. Name places if you think necessary the littles will have to sit with their grown ups. At 2 years they're not going to hoover up all the food either.

I had similar for my 5 yr old. The party and food didn't matter ( mat too much food and a hired hall)
It was the apparent expectation of a party bag that peed me off

4 year olds are dropped off at school all day no problem. They play up to it if they know you’ll get anxious and stay.

As side issues, better to:

1. Start parties a bit older, so 4 year olds turning 5 in Reception is preferable.
2. Invite less children, then it’s less overwhelming. Adding 1-2 adults and uninvited siblings who none of the children invited necessarily know is what actually adds to the overwhelm.

I was never trying to convince you of anything.

Imagine, people 'acting as if' the person on the invite was actually the one invited? 🫣

It’s up to you, @GehenSieweiter . But honestly if people act as if a little home gathering for a few preschoolers is strictly invite only then it’s ultimately going to be off putting for the future and I do think it’s worth bearing that in mind. A home party doesn’t have the same allure as one based around an activity or interest and if people get wind of someone being a bit snooty about precisely who can come it may well put them off accepting future invitations.

The rude part is replying and adding on an extra person. The wording doesn't have to be so formal, that was just to give the general idea.

This is a decision the other mum can make if offered the option

And also 'vocabulary'...

Adding shitplopping to my personal vocabularly!

I wouldn’t have left our 4 year olds at a party.

You say she's a friend you love, so not just a school Mom. I'd suck it up. If you want to set the table for 13 kids only (DD, ds and her 11 mates) then explain there won't be room at the table but of course he can come. I think I'd just value my friendship over making his my hill i die on.
Why don't you feel she's able to look after two kids at once tho?

Simply tell her you are worried about numbers and will let her know closer to the date if siblings can be accommodated.

I’m going against the grain here, but with a kids party at home is easy peasy to fit in a few extra. No real additional cost per head, just slice the cake into nice small squares! In what scenario would you get a load of toddlers all sitting nicely at the table at the same time anyway? Let birthday child sit up to blow out candles and the rest can stand up anyway. I think it’s really lacking in community spirit to say little brothers are not welcome.

At one party I went to, they had put 'siblings welcome' on the invite, but then backtracked and said no siblings after space became an issue. It happens, it can be a logistical issue for some parents esp when the kids aren't old enough to be left, but it doesn't have to be personal.