RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

Could you say that you're very happy they can join the party, but aren't sure yet whether you can accommodate siblings due to space in your home. And that you'll let her know as soon as possible once your daughter's friends have rsvp'd.
Package it nicely with better wording!

It would be a shame to decline now when you might actually have space if other children can't come. Also, you're showing her you're doing your best to accommodate.

Siblings understand their older one goes to school before them, attends a swimming lesson in a different age group, etc. I always told my youngest she would get her turn at being invited to parties and no, her elder brother would not be attending, just as she doesn’t attend his. They are individuals with their own friends.

Certain activities work far better without either younger or older siblings massively changing treats dynamics and increasing the numbers, and therefore the cost, dramatically got the hosting family. It’s beyond rude, and I know many who opt out of parties entirely because they are sick of the entitlement.

Depends on how mansion like your house is. OP already has approximately 25 people in her house (assuming all 11 kids come and their parents stay, plus herself, her younger child and the birthday girl). If they all bring a sibling or some don't but others brings a couple then that number will go well into the thirties at least.

Agree . Can only ever remember one child out of numerous parties we had over the years that actually involved a parent staying! So unusual that I can remember 25 years later and what party dress she had on .

Could you say that you'll need to wait and see on the final numbers, and if one invited person can't come then the sibling can take their place?
That way you're showing that space is limited but that you're willing to accommodate if you can.

Unfortunately at that age, it's almost inevitable that parents want to drop siblings off as well. The worst are ones who don't even stay to watch their kids and use it as a free childcare slot for 3-4 hours. If you really don't have the space then you have to directly say so. That would be understandable for a home party but especially as you're not paying per head, more parents would be tempted to bring siblings along.

From the parties we've hosted and been to, there's always been a lot of siblings around. To the point you have to take them into account when doing the guestlist, especially if you are close to the family. In the bigger picture, it's not really worth ruining a friendship over something as trivial as a bday party, especially if your children are going to remain friends and grow up together.

The other way to see it is that a party is fun for every child. Why deny that opportunity to a sibling for the sake of RSVP etiquette. It sucks to be told you are not invited to a party that your sibling is very excited about, especially at a young age when siblings tend to do everything together. Obviously, starting from 6-7, kids develop their own personalities and don't really mind anymore.

This year we've bought party supplies for 20 kids and I told DD the list needs to stay at 11 max, since I'm assuming there will be siblings coming along. Though to be fair, some families we know quite well and also know the siblings too.

This happens all the time at my children's parties. I've made my peace with it because we're always in a church hall so can accommodate a couple of extras, but I do find it rude! I had one dad RSVP to the party the night before saying 'Georgie would love to come, thanks. I'll be bringing her big brother too as we'll have just been at rugby.' Not even thinly disguised as a request! And big brother was 8, so a pretty serious risk to the 3/4 year olds on the bouncy castle etc.

Anyway - I don't think there is anything wrong with you saying you don't have the space, especially as it's at your house.

I would let her leave the four year old and not stay herself if she has childcare problems. Four year olds don’t need 1:1 adult supervision.

I’m sick of it all OP. People are beyond rude telling hosts they are bringing both, you ask and make other arrangements if it’s not OK. I actually don’t ask, I make arrangements with another parent who’s child is also invited, eg one drives the older two to the party, one hosts the uninvited younger 2 for a play date. I’d happily drop off whichever of mine was invited if I couldn’t get cover for the other, it is beyond ridiculous in a house for a couple of hours- what on earth do people think is going to happen?!?! 😂

Rather than messsaging etc why don’t you have a proper conversation with her . So much clearer to explain verbally and gives clear context. .

This wouldn't bother me particularly.

It's at home so no real additional cost and your own 2 year old son will be there. Probably useful for the wee ones to be entertained together so that the older ones can have the party.

It's different if it's a pay-per-head type party, then an additional sibling is another £15-20 and that's not ok.

I don't think someone should be expected to pay for childcare or call in a favour to go and mind their child at someone else's house. Either parent comes with siblings or does a drop and collect. I personally don't like when siblings arrive, a 2 yr old really affects the vibe of a 4 yr old party. However I think if you expect people to stay then that's the price you pay. Why not tell your friend to just drop off 4 yr old and explain why and say you'll all do a play date with all kids another day soon.

Parents are creating this unnecessary anxiety in their children. The lack of trust in other parents is off the chart. It was completely the norm to be dropped off at someone’s house for a party in the 80s/90s. Children were much more confident and resilient as a result. Parents should model with confidence dropping them off and leaving them to promote confidence. If a child really wasn’t fine or something did happen, any host would contact the parent. Common sense.

If you’re genuinely worried about space, message her back and say so and that you’ll let her know if you have any declines and can squeeze the sibling in.

Reply and say that you are limited by space and can’t accommodate siblings unfortunately. If she can’t come it doesn’t matter.

This. It's really not hard, OP!

Pre school parties tended to be family friends and their children ,so all children invited regardless of age.
Class parties once at Primary ,only children from the class invited,definitely not siblings.

How close of a friend is she? Usually when I do birthday invitations to friends I invite with the assumption that close friends would bring siblings (we go out a lot in the holidays and all the kids know and play together). Equally, I would be happy to have just the invited child of my close friends so she could drop just invited child off and run.

Random mum from school - "sorry, I am really tight on space so can't accommodate siblings".

People have been kind enough to you when you have had to bring along your younger dc (you say you asked the question but it can be difficult to say no) so repay the favour.

I’ve also never been as strict as most of Mumsnet on this issue, it never bothered me if there were a couple of extras. Rather that than a declined invitation.

Is it too late to contact them all again and say unfortunately due to lack of space you won’t be able to have siblings too? You’d have to speak separately to the one who's already replied, saying sorry but you just don’t have the space for lots of siblings and can’t let her DC come while saying no to others.

I actually wouldn’t mind and would leave it. You say you also have a 2.5 year old, so surely they can play together also?

I always assume everyone will bring siblings if at age parents still staying

have there been a lot of parties where she’s seen your younger one there? If she has maybe she’s just assumed. I’d just message and say you can’t have siblings due to space.

What’s worse, hardly any kids or too many?

I differ in my opinion to most of MN on this. I think if it is a party where parents are expected to stay then siblings end up being part of that (but not payment or food etc.)