Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No physical contact

37 replies

Priya879 · 11/11/2025 06:20

Trying to figure out life and all the rest of it. Partner and I have been together 2 and a half years. I'd say after 5 months all physical contact stopped. I have tried every approach to get us back on track but I get nothing. Should I just give up now.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
AllSoComplicated · 11/11/2025 13:42

Priya879 · 11/11/2025 11:37

I've had many reasons, weight gain, low libido, then I was told that this has happened in other relationships hes been in...he gets the "ick" and then goes off sex with his partner. Sometimes he just says he's tired. I've had every reason under the sun. I dont think he is depressed or anything like that. Added to this, I (sorry to admit) went through his phone history once and it was day after day after day of porn videos in his search history

Show quote history

Dump him

BushPack · 11/11/2025 13:42

Sorry but this is mental. If my partner would have stopped physical contact after 5 months in the relationship, I wouldn't have waited 2 weeks, let alone 2 years.

Break up and find someone else.

Gloriia · 11/11/2025 13:19

Priya879 · 11/11/2025 11:37

I've had many reasons, weight gain, low libido, then I was told that this has happened in other relationships hes been in...he gets the "ick" and then goes off sex with his partner. Sometimes he just says he's tired. I've had every reason under the sun. I dont think he is depressed or anything like that. Added to this, I (sorry to admit) went through his phone history once and it was day after day after day of porn videos in his search history

Show quote history

He wanks over porn every day it's no wonder he cba with sex irl.

Op please show him the door, this will get worse and you deserve better Flowers.

backatchababy · 11/11/2025 13:12

Any gay porn by any chance?

Redruby2020 · 11/11/2025 13:10

Priya879 · 11/11/2025 07:25

Yeah tried to talk many times. He can be affectionate and loving but there's no intimacy. Even when we kiss it's a peck as opposed to a full on snog!

I just couldn’t put up with it, at this point in life.
I think if there are/were other issues going on, then it would explain something at least.
I would try to discuss this with your partner, and after that, be cutting my losses.
Life is too short, things can change or someone thinks it’s okay at the point to be a bit less full on. But if it was okay and you was happy previously? Then something has changed.

Bringemout · 11/11/2025 12:46

Ask him to leave he’s wasting your time. Is he financially benefiting from living with you?

GreyCarpet · 11/11/2025 12:42

Priya879 · 11/11/2025 11:37

I've had many reasons, weight gain, low libido, then I was told that this has happened in other relationships hes been in...he gets the "ick" and then goes off sex with his partner. Sometimes he just says he's tired. I've had every reason under the sun. I dont think he is depressed or anything like that. Added to this, I (sorry to admit) went through his phone history once and it was day after day after day of porn videos in his search history

Show quote history

Do you really want a LTR, marriage and children with the man you describe in this post?

I wouldn't.

Arlanymor · 11/11/2025 11:57

He's pornified his brain - it's diminished his real life attraction to flesh and blood women. If he was serious about your relationship he would listen when you say that you want physical contact to resume, he would make an effort to kick the porn and get back to normal relations with you. If he doesn't do that, then he isn't serious. To be honest, I would have walked long before - after five months of non-intimacy that would have been enough for me. You've held out for a considerable period of time and nothing has changed - what is the definition of madness again - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - if you've tried talking to him, repeatedly, and you keep getting different 'reasons' but no different outcome then you need to draw the line. Don't waste any more time - there is someone better out there.

ForWildLemon · 11/11/2025 11:52

He’s porn addled basically, and can’t really find the sexual attraction and desire to be intimate and sexual with ‘ordinary’ (as in in real life in person) sex.

If he wants to solve this the first thing he needs to do is stop using porn. There’s a lot of literature about what porn does to sex drives and the brain if overused - he’s also likely got death grip too.

basically he has to want to have physical in person intimacy with a real woman more than he wants to get his sexual needs met via porn and put in the work to break this addiction.

Onmytod24 · 11/11/2025 11:44

He doesn’t want sex with you he never will. you need to get out of that situation. He won’t change, but you will it’ll bring you down.

BansheeOfTheSouth · 11/11/2025 11:42

He's actually told you he has the "ick"? Wtf His libido is fine if he's watching porn every day, it's not like he's watching a quiz show.

You deserve better than a porn addict.

Kick him out fast and stop him stealing your time.

Original poster
Priya879 · 11/11/2025 11:37

Mydahliasareshit · 11/11/2025 11:28

What reason has he given when you've brought it up OP? Maybe wise people can help if he's given an inkling?

I've had many reasons, weight gain, low libido, then I was told that this has happened in other relationships hes been in...he gets the "ick" and then goes off sex with his partner. Sometimes he just says he's tired. I've had every reason under the sun. I dont think he is depressed or anything like that. Added to this, I (sorry to admit) went through his phone history once and it was day after day after day of porn videos in his search history

OP posts:
Bundleflower · 11/11/2025 11:31

It sounds like you’re currently just house sharing with a friend. Move on, OP.

LadyDanburysHat · 11/11/2025 11:30

I'm surprised you have put up with it this long in such a short relationship. No intimacy after 5 months is awful. I can't see why you would stay.

Mydahliasareshit · 11/11/2025 11:28

What reason has he given when you've brought it up OP? Maybe wise people can help if he's given an inkling?

DianaIndiana · 11/11/2025 11:24

You’ve been enormously patient but he needs to go. Have a better, full relationship with someone else, a relationship which has a future for you.

SnowFrogJelly · 11/11/2025 11:24

Sounds like you are just friends.. I would move on

Original poster
Priya879 · 11/11/2025 11:20

Will say to those who have asked, I've been back and forth on the idea of children over the last couple of years but another reason I am angry (obviously. More with myself) is that I'm wasting my final fertile years being in this relationship

OP posts:
Original poster
Priya879 · 11/11/2025 11:18

Thank you all for your words...some of them are much needed. I haven't shared this with any family member or friend due to feeling a bit embarrassed and that I'm the problem (even though deep down I know I'm not), so it's much easier to fool yourself into thinking it's "OK".

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 11/11/2025 08:34

Physical relations stopped after 5 months and you still moved him into your house?
You need to end this relationship and work on yourself.

Zempy · 11/11/2025 08:27

I can’t believe you have already wasted so much time on this bloke.

Tell him to pack his stuff and leave.

Baroluleni · 11/11/2025 08:05

You should most definitely bin this relationship off.
My Husband and I have been together 25 years, have 4 grown up children and we still can’t keep our hands off each other every single day.
i appreciate I am very lucky to have this though, but should be what we all aim for in a loving relationship.

aCatCalledFawkes · 11/11/2025 08:00

How old are you OP? I wouldn't want this, the lack of affection and intimacy wouldn't be ok with me and I'm in my late 40s. This relationship is very short, I would ask him to move out before your lives became more entwined.

Gloriia · 11/11/2025 07:59

You need to kick him out, the relationship is over. After only 2yrs this should be the easy fun bit.

TattooStan · 11/11/2025 07:57

How old are you? I'm asking in case he's of an age where he might have developed ED issues.
I hate to be blunt, but if physical intimacy has stopped after only 2.5 years together, and you don't even have kids, you stand no chance.
I've been with DH for 21 years, so consider 2.5 years to be a relationship in its infancy, and you should be feeling a bit of passion for one another at that stage.