All of my children have now moved abroad

How did your kids feel when you sold your London home? It can feel complex when parents change things - I was 21 when my parents divorced, sold the family home and (not saying they shouldn’t have - their lives - but it was hard for us kids) and ended the era of us having a family base where we could come back to. I still miss it now, at 45!

Sorry if my post was a bit nippy ..I was trying to make you think you had more freedom than you realise and that you aren't responsible for your parents
But clearly,you are doing what you want to do ,which is care for them ..you must have a good relationship with your parents .
That's the thing with life ,we have to live with the choices we make ,and you are happy in your choices..
Your children are busy living their lives and happy in their choices .
Maybe when they come to start to think about children themselves,they may feel more of a pull to be near you and may move back

What a load of twaddle! Who made you Mystic Meg?
It may be a comforting thought for OP that her children may return to the UK but it is in no way a given!
Their father lives in Italy, perhaps the DC would rather settle there to raise families etc.

Yes, but that is your choice. Just as living abroad is theirs. And you’ve also moved away from their own old home city - presumably all their friends in the UK are in London, where you’ve moved from. And I assume you also no longer have an income so again, you’ve chosen not to be able to save up for flights etc.

So I think you need to come to an acceptance that while your parents are alive you have prioritised them (understandably) and that comes at detriment to seeing your children. But that situation won’t last and you’re slightly catastrophising that you won’t have a relationship with any future grandchildren.

I should also say that I completely get your sadness and I too would be pretty devastated if it was me.

But I think it might help you to reframe it so you’re not so powerless or passive in this situation. You have also made choices, and they’re yours to make. And don’t forget that in your 20s is one of the times when you see the least of your parents, if you have any get-go about you at all.

Just arrange respite care and jump on a cheap flight to go see them. You are catastrophizing and making this a drama that it just isn't.

Why are you prioritising your parents over your children
Does caring for them fill a void your children left
Are you working full time ,you need to be ,and saving every penny to visit them as much as possible.
So when you get ill ,and old are you going to expect your children to leave their home to come and care for you ,as you are for your parents???
If not ,why not ..
Why is it ok for you to give up your life to care for parents,but no expectations of your children to do the same??
Your parents are not your responsibility
They are grown adults who have had their whole life to sort out how they will care for themselves in old age ..
You wouldn't want your children to put their life on hold for you ...
So are you putting your life on hold for your parents
In your shoes I'd be face timing each child every week and planning and booking and saving towards as many trips abroad to see them as possible,if be staying in cheep hostels to afford it ,and I'd be loving seeing the world at the same time

I am sorry OP. Firstly what an amazing mum you are. To have independent children like this. I hope to do the same. My parents moved abroad and only returned twice in 50 years to their country of birth. Sadly they only saw their mums once they (their mums) were quite elderly. I honestly think these days with FaceTime calls, texts, emails and better travelling options it wouldn’t be like that. It is expensive to travel of course. Would you do one or two mini trips a year where you circle around all the children in a space of four weeks or so, staying with them hopefully to reduce accommodation costs. Outside of that you will have all that technology to keep in touch.

I didn’t know my grandparents and I think though if it was as easy today tech-wise to keep in contact maybe I would have and it would have been great. When the grandkids are older they can travel and stay with you. It will be a different type of the traditional arrangement of living close to family but still can be close and full of warmth.

My children live abroad too and I'm in a similar position, kindly you are catastrophising and you are making excuses not plans to see them. You can get respite carers in so you can have a break , speak to social services. My flight at the end of the month is £15.

Be really proud that you have children that are independent. It's ok to be sad and miss them terribly and it's natural :)

Make a weekly family zoom call so you feel more connected.
Also different countries have different visa regulations. You may well be able to move there at some point and it's especially easier for retired people in most countries

Be kind to yourself but also make plans to make things happen

YANBU to feel sad.

YABU to think it is difficult to travel if you don't live in London.

The fact your dh was Swiss and that he now lives in Italy..... would I be a long way off the mark to think you might have moved abroad to live yourself as part of your adult life? It would be difficult to criticise your dc for following in your footsteps.

It is normal and natural for confident young adults to want to travel and experience different things. Maybe when you are having a 'glass half full' day, you could count your blessings

• none of them have moved a long way away, both in terms of travel, but also time zones
• your family Whatsapp chat is active every day, so you clearly all have strong bonds as a family and a natural 'chat' being in and out of each others' live as much as you would be if they lived in Cornwall / Norfolk / Pembrokeshire / Skye
• All of them live in places that are easy to travel to (or they can travel from) if your life circumstances weren't making travel difficult for you at the moment, but the same difficulty with getting a few days away, and traveling 6 or more hours by road would apply if they all lived in the UK
• They are living their dream and presumably all have jobs in these places
• It sounds like you have raised confident, independent, capable dc, which you should be proud of.

You are entitled to feel sad about this . That is completely normal . I feel your loneliness and hope you feel better in time 🌹

They may not ever return, so that really isn’t something OP should be encouraged to count on as if it’s an inevitability.

For one, their father is Swiss, so they may not feel that the UK is even the ‘home’ they would return to if they were ever inclined.

YANBU OP. Could you maybe ask if they’d commit to a long weekend away jointly either back in the UK or all meeting up once a year in one of their countries? Or they each take turns to host you all or at least you annually? And a few of them may yet move back.

I think in your shoes I’d look at getting carers from the local authority to help you more with your parents so you’re freer. It’s admirable what you’re doing but one day your DPs will be gone, and you may regret how empty your days are and wishing you had had more of a balance before you get too old to travel. You won’t get this time back and it may be good to have more support with your DPs.

Awww, mate that's tough. All 4 of them have popped off to other countries, and your nest is bare and cold, and they're not closeby.... I'm so sorry for you. It's tough when they leave home full stop. But if they live closeby it's OK - or within an hour or two drive anyway. Another country is different though.

I think they will (at least 2 of them anyway) very likely move back to the UK eventually. They won't all stay abroad forever I'm sure. In fact all 4 may move back. No way will they all stay overseas. Many people who move abroad do move back to their home country.

Try to fill your life with other things, hobbies, friends, and things to do. Keep yourself busy. This won't last forever. Your empty feeling will subside, and also they will very likely return... eventually.

I think it's amazing that they're all living such enriching lives. Although after all this time raising such competent adults, it's like you've been made "redundant". Allow yourself to feel sad, it would be unnatural not to be as they are your children and have been your life.
Focus on your time now what you want to do, and arranging any visits whenever you can, although I can appreciate this can be hard to do without the abundance of time and money.

Our neighbour was the same, people would say how it was cool her three children were making their way in three different continents and she said she wanted to say ‘but I want them back!’ Two are back in Ireland now

One of my sisters lived in Spain for a year, then Zambia for another year and then went to Australia for another year. She’s been back home in Ireland now for years, initially living in Dublin and then moving to a few miles away from our mum after she got married.

It’s such a double edge sword isn’t it OP. We spend years helping them grow, to gain independence and off they go.

I feel your pain x

I had one son living in Vancouver and second son moved to Melbourne. Really missed them but also happy that they are happy. It’s a very strange feeling as a Mum . Youngest now back in London 😊seeing him over the weekend and I am flying to Melbourne next week to see other son …cannot wait! Thankfully daughter lives very close so see her 2-3 times a week. In the perfect world they would all be happy living in the UK but understand 💯 why that’s not the case !

Ah I’m sorry OP, you have such a lot to deal with too. I hope my response didn’t come across as overly positive. I do think it’s completely natural that you’re feeling this way.

as others have said, you have clearly done a good job raising such competent and confident adults!

You’re not unreasonable for feeling sad. Some constructive advice (all my parents’ DC live abroad):

1 don’t try to see them all at the same time. It’s very difficult for 5 adults to coordinate schedules. Add on partners and children and it’ll be impossible

1. Focus on building a rich personal and social life where you are. Probably very difficult to imagine when you’re hands-on caring for elderly parents. But you will need to at some point.

3 try to start adjusting the life your children are telling you you will have from the one you want and had envisaged. Your life will not be based around your children and grandchildren. Other rich and happy lives are possible, in which your descendants will be magical additions.

Finally, is there any chance you can forge a relationship with their father that allows you to see your DC when they’re visiting them? Not all of the time but some of the time?

We had the same thing for a few years. The children came home to us at different times which was lovely. Think this is how you should handle it.

That sounds really sad. BUT you have raised independent children who are living the lives they want, making bold decisions about where they want to live - and let’s be honest probably enjoying a far nicer day to day life that many of their peers in the UK.
It’s lovely that you speak weekly and message most days that just shows that you are loved and important. I wonder if when your children have their own children whether they might reach out to you more.
I think that there’s nothing to be lost from saying you are worried how you will get to see them all, that you love and miss them and although your caring responsibilities don’t allow for it, you wish you could see them more often. Perhaps they could make more trips to UK.