BIL and his wife forgot my birthday

You are being very unreasonable

I find it odd that you felt the need to have a dinner “smooth things over”. Did your invitation to them tell them that it was for this?

You sound quite young and a little petty. Forget theirs next time if you're really that bothered. Bet she won't care.

I don't really think it's fair to compare making a fuss of people's kids on their birthdays to adults, and I'm honestly not one of those miserly 'grown ups shouldn't celebrate their birthday' types. It's just not the same thing.

I spoil my little niece rotten but I couldn't tell you right now when either my BIL or his wife's birthdays are and would be very surprised if they knew mine. Unless you all are really close I think it's a bit weird to be this upset by this.

Was it your 5th birthday?

You've said your DH gets why you're upset, so he should understand when you pass responsibility for all cards and presents for his family to him. Once you're not putting the effort in, it should be less likely to bother you when it's not reciprocated. Put that effort into a new interest for yourself,

Its really not a big deal. Cantbeven tell you my brothers wives birthdays , one been married over 20 years and the other 15, doubt they know mine either

Drop the rope. Leave the pressies and stuff for BIL, his wife and kids to your partner from now on.

You'll feel soooo much better once you stop trying.

Personally, I would let it go.

I very often forget people’s birthdays (even when they are written on the calendar).

I wouldn’t take it personally.
They are probably really busy with the kids and work and just totally forgot. It happens. Don’t take it to heart x

Was it your 8th birthday OP?

This is your partner's brother and his wife-they aren't actually really even related to you!

I'd stop all the gifts and cards for them and let your partner sort his own relatives out. You can sort your own relatives out.

YABU. You’re an adult. No one cares, except maybe your partner.

You "even give their kids money when they walk your dog" well yeh, you pay them a little something to do a job for you. Surely that's normal.
The brothers girlfriends birthday.... I'm sure they have other priorities.

I always make a real effort with their family: I buy their children’s birthday presents, make sure cards get there on time, and even give the kids pocket money when they walk my dog.

And what does your partner (whose actual brother and SIL this is) do?

Eh, you are being unreasonable - it's a BIL not a brother. It's v hard to remember everyone's birthday.

I appreciate you are good to their kids, but kids' birthdays are generally treated as a big deal.

So your DH’s brother and his wife? I don’t know the date of my BIL’s wife’s birthday, not actually 100% sure how old she is! Same for my SIL (brothers wife).

We are a fairly close family as well!

Another who has no idea when SIL/BIL birthdays are nor DPs parents. Why would I? It’s up to DP to send cards/gifts, he does his side I do mine . Way easier although he never sends anything but that’s on him!

Just stop doing gifts etc then it won’t upset you when they forget!

You married a man, your husband, its up to him to remember your birthday - not his family

Jeez I only remember our own wedding anniversary when it shows up on FB

Grow up.

I have no idea when my BIL or SIL birthday is, to be honest. We don't buy presents for them, nor they for us and I'm the world's worst at sending a 'Happy Birthday' message to anyone because I don't do Facebook or anything that sends you 'reminders'.

I don't expect it in return, however.

We don’t send anything for birthdays beyond a text. If you paid my children to walk your dog I’d think I was the one doing the favour as presumably I bring them to your house. If you don’t want to send them cards then don’t, same goes for dinner, it’s not a tit for tat it’s a gift.

Im going to guess you do not have children? I have the most annoying in-laws that buy us all cheap tat and want us to make a massive deal 4 there birthday- when your an adult whats wrong with getting a message from non-imediate relatives . Do not give to receive- also , you may have to realise they mean more to you then you to them ..

I understand, especially if you make an effort and it’s not reciprocated , it wouldn’t hurt for them to have sent a card and a token present, especially with what you do for them . I sent my bil and nephew birthday presents recently and didn’t get a thank you. I think some of us are more sensitive than others and appreciate fairness, not that you give to receive but an acknowledgment would have been nice.

YABU. I only knew to wish my brothers partner a happy birthday because Facebook told me to.

One of my oldest friends was 2 days late saying it to me this year. It doesn't mean anything more than he is a bit crap at remembering birthdays.

I have never had a birthday message from any of my in-laws and it has never occurred to me to be annoyed! We are all very friendly and I host some of them at Christmas .
My sister is good at remembering my husbands birthday but would not be disappointed if she forgot.Happy Birthday 🎈

YABU. Your BIL must have been so shocked to hear you were upset about such a non event.