BIL and his wife forgot my birthday

You’ve got two choices here OP:

1. Grow up.
2. Do what my SIL did when she suffered the same life changing injury i.e. send a letter directly to your BIL at his workplace. In the letter set out your grievances and make it clear that following this deliberate act of aggression there will no longer be an exchange between your two households.

Use a girly pink envelope addressed by hand in girly curly writing. Write and underline “private and confidential” at the top of the envelope.

Ensure it is delivered at a time when BIL is working away so that it remains on his desk, in full view of the rest of the office, so that the rumours have time to develop.
After all, whoever is going to believe it’s from a deranged SIL and not a spurned lover?

You go girl.

Yes, indeed. She is clearly Goody Proctor dancing with the devil.

Thinking about it now I don't recall one of my SILs ever acknowledging my birthday. I'll go and make a voodoo doll of her immediately.

Oh dear. Why on earth would your DH say anything to them about this? Your childish behaviour is hardly going to improve relations is it!

Oh please don't be that relative.

My brother is very sensitive about people forgetting birthdays, especially his wife's - and guess whose birthdays drop out of my brain, even though they are in my diary in front of my blessed nose!

Everyone else just laughs it off if I forget.

Stop making the effort.
I think when people go all out to make a fuss of stuffike this, it can put people under pressure.

Match their effort in the relationship.
I don't wish any in law happy birthday because I have no idea, and I really like them!

I’m not claiming anything, I genuinely have no idea. I doubt DH knows ether. I also don’t have their numbers to send a text even if I did know, and I certainly wouldn’t be wasting my time or money sending them cards and gifts.

I wasn't. If OP and the in laws got on well she might have a point. But they don't, so I stand by saying she should grow up.

My BIL is hit and miss with my birthday. Sometimes, I get a message, other times I don't. Really doesn't bother me. I still wish him a happy birthday every year as I don't base who I am on other people - I wouldn't stop doing it just because he doesn't every year.

I don’t think many people know when their BiL’s or SiL’s birthday is. I certainly don’t and my in laws don’t wish me a happy birthday, nor I them. We still all get on.

I see where you are coming from. When I was first married I sent DH's sisters birthday cards, sent them Christmas gifts, etc. When SIL2 had a child shortly after me I sent birthday and christmas presents. That's what my family do.

They never reciprocated. After five years I stopped. SIL1 once managed to get her christmas cards out by Easter!

Just stop spending any money on them op. Rely on your friends.

No need to be so rude.

I have 3 SILs and could not tell you when any of their Birthdays are. They wouldn't be able to tell you when mine is either. I do not send cards to any of my Brothers just nephews and nieces.

So you don't have the best relationship but you still expect them to give you the headspace of remembering your birthday and sending you something?

Yeah, grow up and get over yourself.

I don’t even have all my in laws numbers to even text them.

Can't say I've ever text either of my SIL on their birthdays, or had a text from them either on mine. DP wouldn't hear from my brother either. Obviously I text my brother on his, and we always call their kids and get them a present, but is wishing an in-law happy birthday really a thing?

I’m not claiming not to know. I don’t know. Bar his sisters 50th which we went to a few years ago I’ve never been to a birthday party of them and even that was a Sunday lunch and I’ve no idea if it was on her birthday or not.

I do my family. He does his. I am not taking on any extra emotional burden I have enough to do. He sets the tone and timbre of his relationship with his family and I do mine.

I think you’re being unreasonable by linking what you do for children to what their parents do for you.

Most aunts and uncles put forth effort towards their nieces and nephews without expecting the parents in turn to recognise their birthday. You’re an adult.

YABU. Not everyone thinks adults' birthdays are as important or noteworthy as you seem to do.

I’ve never bothered with extended family, bar my father in law, mother and have never expected anything.
I find your post both petulant and childish.

I don't even know when my SIL birthday is and I've known her 18 years. We also get along really well. I don't get involved with any of DH family birthday cards/pressies as that is his job, my family is mine.

I’m surprised that so many of you claim to not know your in-laws’ birthdays, or their partners’. I know all of mine and send them either a card, present, or birthday wishes on the day.
If I were you @Ilikelimes, I’d step back from the present buying and pass that over to your partner/husband. They’re his family, so he can sort it.

Agree on the wife work of remembering in-laws' birthdays. It's so alien to me - I'd have never considered it and would have just boggled in confusion if a man had ever expected it of me (which has never happened either).

YABU.
i cannot imagine as a grown adult feeling strongly about this enough to feel hurt and then post on the internet about it.
your BIL’s family might not be into birthdays of extended adults in their family, that’s fine.

Why are you doing all the wife work admin for your DH’s family?

I’ve no idea when any of my OH siblings birthdays are.