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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Possible TW - do you see yourself choosing Assisted dying?

169 replies

Threefullskips · 10/11/2025 21:05

I hope this isn't too dark, but I've been thinking a lot about the legal and moral discussions in changing the legislation around assisted dying. And however we feel about it, it will be happening. In the context of NHS strain (and failure) , 'the market' taking care of the needs of elderly and infirm now more than families, properly prices, war on the horizon, increasing economic precarity - in a decade or so, we will all know people who have chosen to die by assisted dying. Is it something you have thought about? I hate to admit it, but I suspect it will be how I choose to go. And it feels like a defeat somehow. I'm perfectly healthy right now! Just looking into possible futures. This is a huge cultural change that will define our century imo. Sorry if this is too dark but I have tried to warn in title, I feel it surely merits a bit of discussion. Not sure what the AIBU is - AIBU to think more than 50% of the population will die this way in 50 years maybe?

OP posts:
DinoLil · 11/11/2025 03:59

Sign me up right now!

Allisgoodtoday · 11/11/2025 03:58

I agree with many on here...yes, it's absolutely a choice I would make. I should be free to decide when I want to die, so I have the dignity to die gently and painlessly, at my choosing. Not have to suffer long drawn out efforts to keep me alive in agonising and debilitating circumstances.

However, it should be my choice and my choice alone. No-one should be pressurised to die early because they're 'expendable'. But by the same token, nor should anyone be pressurised by society/medics/the NHS to stay alive when they don't want to either.

Ariadknee · 11/11/2025 03:50

Yes. I’ve seen family with dementia, cancer, decades of being in agony due a chronic medical problem and then the final months so high on morphine and still the NHS insisting on dragging “life” out as long as possible.

I would choose to avoid those outcomes, I would not want my family to see the barbaric way we sometimes treat our most sick and vulnerable.

Nsky62 · 11/11/2025 03:46

unicornsarereal72 · 10/11/2025 21:09

I work with people who have a degenerative disease. They finally years for many of them is completely undignified. none of them would have wanted and I wouldn’t not want for myself or my family members I think having the choice with the right safe guarding in place it has its place.

Exactly
I have mid stage Parkinson’s at 63, when I can’t cope, I want assisted dying

Maddy70 · 11/11/2025 03:16

I have cancer and my treatment so far is going very well but I also live in a country where assisted dying is lawful and it's definitely something I will consider if things don't go the way I plan

Friendlygingercat · 11/11/2025 01:05

I agree with @GarlicHound that when the time comes and I am in so much pain that I choose not to go on then I will end my life. I have an end of life condition and keep enough barbiturates to do it several times over. When you are child free and live alone its easy enough to organize so that you wont be found and resuscitated.

EconomyClassRockstar · 11/11/2025 01:00

AmberRose86 · 10/11/2025 23:40

my neighbour is 91 years old and has cancer on her face. They are offering her all sorts of mad operations and medications. She has absolutely had enough. She has opted to just leave it alone and let nature take its course and they seem unhappy with this.

I mean, how long do they expect people to live? She’s 91.

My Mum is being offered similar. She's almost 90. They keep telling her she could have another 10 years in her and my Mum is like, "I don't want to live another 10 years. I want to go to my husband!" Living long is not always living well.

Firefly1987 · 11/11/2025 00:59

LeftFooter · 11/11/2025 00:50

Sorry you feel that life is a curse @Firefly1987. Genuinely.

Thanks. Assisted dying would cut out a huge amount of suffering and there would be so much less trauma for those left behind. I was so happy when it passed the first stage. I'd still rather have not been here but if they bring AD in at least I know I don't have to go through unbearable agony at the end.

forgivingfiggy · 11/11/2025 00:58

I have previously been very ill with unmanageable pain, and the idea of having the option to die is nothing but comforting for me. If it came to it I would. No doubt.

Firefly1987 · 11/11/2025 00:53

CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 10/11/2025 22:12

I promise this isn’t intended to be a goady comment.

Those of you who would choose assisted dying, why would you not take your own life instead of asking for medical intervention?

I’ve thought about this, and I think I’d like to be alone if it comes to it. Bottle of wine, bottle of pills, some beautiful music.

Are you all talking about a time when you might not be able to do this yourself? Or are you worried about family members finding you?

Because it's not as easy as you are making out. You can't just take some pills and it's lights out, you'd probably just be violently sick and then end up getting your stomach pumped. And surely a lot of people would want to say goodbye to their family in an official setting where everyone has that opportunity. My grandad died in hospital before any of us even got to see him that day and say goodbye. It happens a lot with natural deaths. You certainly wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye if you took matters into your own hands-unless you told your family beforehand, thereby putting them in a very risky position.

LeftFooter · 11/11/2025 00:50

Sorry you feel that life is a curse @Firefly1987. Genuinely.

Firefly1987 · 11/11/2025 00:47

LeftFooter · 11/11/2025 00:39

No, never, and I am very sad that this will now be a consideration for every ill, depressed or vulnerable person from now on.

I believe that life is a gift and we do not have the right to end life. I hope my children are never pressurised into feeling they should end my life “for my own good”.

We aren’t animals. So the argument about putting animals to sleep is completely irrelevant.

Having seen several relatives come to the end of their lives, I do think that money and effort should be put in to palliative care. I fear that AD will mean that even less attention will be paid to the dying.

But it's not any sort of consideration for every depressed person-it's not open to them at all!

Your children won't be pressure into ending your life-only you will have that option and it sounds like you've already made it very clear you're against that. If you want to hang on til the bitter end in as much suffering as this world has to offer then that's still very much your choice.

I believe that life is a gift and we do not have the right to end life. I hope my children are never pressurised into feeling they should end my life “for my own good”.

I believe life is an utter curse and seeing some of the things I have at end of life has only made me more sure of it.

Firefly1987 · 11/11/2025 00:43

AmberRose86 · 10/11/2025 23:40

my neighbour is 91 years old and has cancer on her face. They are offering her all sorts of mad operations and medications. She has absolutely had enough. She has opted to just leave it alone and let nature take its course and they seem unhappy with this.

I mean, how long do they expect people to live? She’s 91.

Depends what type of cancer really and how much it's spread. If it starts ulcerating or something it can be horrendous. There are photos of people who left squamous cell carcinoma for years and the images are very much NSFW. Leaving it up to nature can be very distressing.

LeftFooter · 11/11/2025 00:39

No, never, and I am very sad that this will now be a consideration for every ill, depressed or vulnerable person from now on.

I believe that life is a gift and we do not have the right to end life. I hope my children are never pressurised into feeling they should end my life “for my own good”.

We aren’t animals. So the argument about putting animals to sleep is completely irrelevant.

Having seen several relatives come to the end of their lives, I do think that money and effort should be put in to palliative care. I fear that AD will mean that even less attention will be paid to the dying.

EmeraldDreams73 · 11/11/2025 00:17

Yes, absolutely. I hope so much that I will live long enough for this to be possible. Having lost 4 friends in the past 3 years (I'm 52), I am praying that my family won't have to go through watching an agonising death that could have been prevented. They tried heroically in hospice to "get on top of" one lovely friend's pain. They rarely could for long.
It was appalling for everyone and nothing short of cruel to prolong such misery when there was no hope.

GarlicHound · 11/11/2025 00:13

No. I have a progressive disease and intend to off myself when the time's right. I do not ever want people (outside of armed services in combat) given legal powers to kill. That opens a dark and ugly doorway.

We already have this power over ourselves.

StrawberryFizz27 · 11/11/2025 00:10

100% this is a choice I will consider

AmberRose86 · 11/11/2025 00:06

CrossChecking · 10/11/2025 23:08

I think the idea is that by letting people die slowly and in pain that sometimes harm is done? Is it 'harmful' to release someone from that if they want to be?

Well why isn’t this the same for vets? When people say “better a day early than a moment too soon” because it is considered a kindness. I genuinely don’t think it’s any different.

AmberRose86 · 11/11/2025 00:05

CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 10/11/2025 22:12

I promise this isn’t intended to be a goady comment.

Those of you who would choose assisted dying, why would you not take your own life instead of asking for medical intervention?

I’ve thought about this, and I think I’d like to be alone if it comes to it. Bottle of wine, bottle of pills, some beautiful music.

Are you all talking about a time when you might not be able to do this yourself? Or are you worried about family members finding you?

Maybe I would I was diagnosed with dementia.

I’m a big chicken licken though. And I wouldn’t want my husband/daughters to find me, because that’s trauma.

Cynic17 · 11/11/2025 00:04

CalliopeFosterBeauchamp · 10/11/2025 22:12

I promise this isn’t intended to be a goady comment.

Those of you who would choose assisted dying, why would you not take your own life instead of asking for medical intervention?

I’ve thought about this, and I think I’d like to be alone if it comes to it. Bottle of wine, bottle of pills, some beautiful music.

Are you all talking about a time when you might not be able to do this yourself? Or are you worried about family members finding you?

Because assisted suicide guarantees the desired result. "DIY" versions are often not completed - I would hate to attempt suicide, and then wake up.to find I'm still here.

Cynic17 · 10/11/2025 23:55

Of course I will. We desperately need it in the UK, and not just for people who are terminally ill. I think it is my fundamental right to be able to choose the time of my own death.

powershowerforanhour · 10/11/2025 23:55

I euthanased two dogs this morning and saw a third one that should have been euth'd- he's miserable and is going to die in the very near future, quite possibly with a sudden severe increase in suffering first. I'm going to take a bottle of the stuff with me when I retire, to have handy for a DIY job on myself if it comes to it.

PortSalutPlease · 10/11/2025 23:44

If I get dementia I am definitely going out before I become a burden - we have a disabled DS, DH has enough on his plate.

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 10/11/2025 23:41

Definitely. Too many family members have had alzheimers... although I'm not sure this is covered. I wish I could opt for this now while sound mind so that if I do get alzheimers in the future I can be euthanized.

Troublein · 10/11/2025 23:41

No.

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