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AIBU?

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To say my DP can’t rent his house to his close female friend for cash

243 replies

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:36

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

OP posts:
Gustavo1 · 10/11/2025 19:12

I’m not sure the complications and insecurity make this relationship worth persuing for you OP.
There is clearly a murky relationship boundary between him and his female friends. I don’t know that you trust him to be honest. Move on.

outerspacepotato · 10/11/2025 19:12

I would say you'd be nuts to let him move in with you.

He has a £2000 per month credit card payment???????

Your relationship does not sound at all stable and he's a cheap ass mofo wanting to pay £140. If you haven't met his family and more of his friends after a year +, he's hiding something. Plus he's in a shit ton of debt.

Who's the other house owner as you said he's part owner? Do they know about his rental arrangement?

You know he's not going to be charging his friend market rate. That's why he wants to pay you so little.

Throw this one back. This one could go very bad and you do not want to tie yourself to this man in any way.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/11/2025 19:11

£140 a week so nearer £600 for bills

if he is renting his house then the rent will pay mortgage and the renter (friend) the bills

SandyY2K · 10/11/2025 19:09

It's clear that you're not comfortable with these female friends.

There are also so many other issues of concern and it seems way too stressful for a 1 year relationship.

It might just be that you're not aligned on issues that are important to you.

BuckChuckets · 10/11/2025 19:06

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:06

I was really worried about his friends especially as he seemed reluctant for me to meet them so then when I moved here I thought this is it I’ll meet them he was going on weekends away etc but then when I was time to meet one of them as I said it was so awkward she was really off with me I got very bad vibes so to speak and I feel like if she was happy for him she’d be excited and want to meet me properly if she’s so close to him and loves him etc but then there was something with her husband being unhappy too and the dynamics changing at that same time which is also the point he started staying with me

Do you know what, if this is what will help you see that he's a waste of space - yes, he's definitely shagging at least one of his female friends, possibly both, possibly both at the same time while they slag you off and laugh at you.

HTH as you seek to be ignoring everyone's comments about him moving himself in uninvited.

Praying4Peace · 10/11/2025 19:05

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:40

I think also relevant information is he’s so defensive about talking about them and I was upset that after the first time he mentioned it I said I was really uncomfortable about it and I felt like he basically wanted to make money off living with me and treat me as a place to stay to pay off his credit card and then I said I wanted time to think but the next day when I brought it up I found out he’d continued to message her about how long she’d stay and payments etc which I felt just disregarded my feelings

No no no and no again
Red flags in abundance

BuckChuckets · 10/11/2025 19:01

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:41

I think the £140 has come about because he still has to pay bills and mortgage at his house and he has to pay extra petrol driving to mine so he says it’s what he can afford

Tough. My god, what a CF.

2GreatFatSquirrels · 10/11/2025 19:01

Winter2020 · 10/11/2025 19:00

Why should the OP have a man move in that she doesn't want to move in, to impress women that she doesn't know? Who cares what they think? They couldn't give a shit what she thinks.

Yes you’re right - but if OP wants to be with this man it’ll be a lot less fun if his best friends hate her

Winter2020 · 10/11/2025 19:00

2GreatFatSquirrels · 10/11/2025 18:18

I think you’re being dramatic and making him hide his friendships from you because you’re jealous. I also think everyone sounds about 8 years old.

I think if you say no the relationship will sour. And his friends will never like you afterwards.

I like his idea of the rent money being split between you. However I don’t like the idea of him giving you just £140… that’s barely half of my council tax bill let alone everything else. I don’t think it was good that he didn’t discuss it all with you.

Youre being weird saying she just wants the house for cheap rent though. Thats obvious, and not a bad thing…. That’s the only reason she’d choose this route. Duh.

Why should the OP have a man move in that she doesn't want to move in, to impress women that she doesn't know? Who cares what they think? They couldn't give a shit what she thinks.

TheThingOnTheIce · 10/11/2025 19:00

Londonismyjam · 10/11/2025 18:54

@divisifting
@TheThingOnTheIce
I had a husband with a ‘weird enmeshed codependent relationship with his female ‘best friend’.
Turned out she was his ex affair partner from his first marriage.

Eugh
well in my case it’s looking increasing likely they were in some form of dom and sub situation .

Tigercrane · 10/11/2025 19:00

Olivebranch123 · 10/11/2025 18:56

OP,you haven't met his friends in the eight years you've known him,only his two female colleagues ( who probably don't know how much debt he's in )

This, please worry about this usually means something is being hidden from you.Why do you.think tou've not met family or other friends?

LIZS · 10/11/2025 19:00

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:11

He’s just planning on doing it casually with cash

Then he is screwed when he wants it back, to sell or move back into, and cannot evict them. He sounds very dim and a freeloader.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/11/2025 18:57

So,

He lives with you and gets fed etc all at no cost Plus I bet you do all your own housework.

Now he wants to make it long term not because he loves you and what's to be with you but cos it's convenient to his friend.

Who you don't trust him not to cheat on you with.

NoSoupForU · 10/11/2025 18:57

It's fine for you to say you don't want him to move in with you.

It isn't fine for you to try and dictate what he does with his property.

His friendships were established long before you. You can either accept them or choose not to, but you can't dictate who he can be friends with so in that case you have to part.

Olivebranch123 · 10/11/2025 18:56

OP,you haven't met his friends in the eight years you've known him,only his two female colleagues ( who probably don't know how much debt he's in )

Londonismyjam · 10/11/2025 18:54

@divisifting
@TheThingOnTheIce
I had a husband with a ‘weird enmeshed codependent relationship with his female ‘best friend’.
Turned out she was his ex affair partner from his first marriage.

UpMyself · 10/11/2025 18:54

he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his.
Wonder why.

@divisifting , I've not RTFT but I suspect that cocklodger and red flags have been mentioned at least 95 times already. Bin him.

apremoiledeluge · 10/11/2025 18:53

Apart from all the other concerns how has he managed to run up so much credit card debt? He now expects you to house him for next to nothing so he can make money off someone else? Nah, no thanks.

Olivebranch123 · 10/11/2025 18:53

MrsMoastyToasty · 10/11/2025 18:47

HMRC will be interested.
His mortgage company will be interested.
He will have to register the deposit with one of the recognised tenancy deposit schemes.
He'll have to get gas and electric safety certificates.

If the tenant is on UC,which lets face it most families get a top up,the address will be flagged up. If they are eligible for tge housing element, they and the landlord will have to provide a tenancy agreement as proof of rent and residence.

Winter2020 · 10/11/2025 18:51

£140 each month is fuck all. He is exploiting you. Has he paid nothing so far while being at yours 6 days a week? Do you pay for his food as well while he is with you? Do you have children that this man is taking from?

Your council tax will go up if you receive the 25% single adult discount. I wouldn't think defrauding council tax is something that you want to mess around with.

Your boyfriend just wants to look like the man that can to his friend. He gets to play the big man while you are the one actually paying.

A 2K A MONTH credit card bill? I misread that at first and thought he owed 2K on a credit card. Can he afford that after his household bills? He might want to contact Christians against Poverty or Stepchange and consider whether going bancrupt or having a debt repayment order etc is the right move for him.

I think if he wants to let his friend stay in his home then that is up to him but he should be sharing it with her and her family not making it your problem. It is very hard to find a rental at the moment and if he wants the woman living in his house out for example she stops paying rent, having some kind of undeclared tenancy (no contract, no gas or electric checks, no right to rent booklet, no landlord insurance, no tax self assessment) there will be no chance he can evict her. If she is a lodger (sharing with him) rather than a tenants your boyfriend will have much more rights to his home back.

What are you getting from this relationship OP?
£100 towards your bills (after paying more Council tax) is pathetic. If you are feeding him it will cost you more than that.

Eviebeans · 10/11/2025 18:51

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:41

I think the £140 has come about because he still has to pay bills and mortgage at his house and he has to pay extra petrol driving to mine so he says it’s what he can afford

I would tell him that your landlord won’t allow you to have anyone move in with you- which may actually be the case - don’t risk your tenancy

viques · 10/11/2025 18:49

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:53

Do you think it’s not possible that his friendship with these women is above board then? I always feel like I’m being jealous

I would forget about the other women for a bit ( though hold them in the back of your mind because they both sound like unhealthy relationships, does your partner see himself as a bit of a Don Juan with women falling at his feet and swooning at the sheer gorgeousness of him?) What I think is an even bigger red flag is that hugely tight grip he is holding on his money. Work it out, over a year £140 a month works out to about £32 a week. Really! That will barely cover the additional council tax you would lose as a single person. Then factor in extra utilities, food, wear and tear etc etc etc and you will be practically paying HIM for the privilege of leeching off you. Do not, whatever promises he makes, even consider buying a property with him, he would end up with a nest egg and you would end up living on your credit cards every month.

leafbrow · 10/11/2025 18:48

It all sounds like too much drama.

TwistedWonder · 10/11/2025 18:48

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:55

Yes I said if this was 6 months down the line maybe i would be happy with it but it feels like it’s being pushed on me because he just says it’s no different he can do his washing at his parents or go to the gym when I want space but I said that makes me feel like I’m being used as a place to stay to benefit him and his friend

You feel you’re being used because you are. What does he contribute now to your household expenses? Does hectare you put in dates, pay for meals, food etc?

He’s a cocklodger taking you for a mug - £35 a week- come on OP he’s taking the absolute piss out of you while you tie yourself in knots over these women.

They’re not your problem, this freeloading ponce is

MrsMoastyToasty · 10/11/2025 18:47

HMRC will be interested.
His mortgage company will be interested.
He will have to register the deposit with one of the recognised tenancy deposit schemes.
He'll have to get gas and electric safety certificates.