Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say my DP can’t rent his house to his close female friend for cash

243 replies

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:36

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 10/11/2025 21:22

The only thing you need to say to him is " We're done. Goodbye."

BruFord · 10/11/2025 21:21

Well done @divisifting. I’m sorry, but he sounds silly thinking that he can get away with letting his friend and her family have the entire house and pretending that he still lives there, it could backfire massively.

He needs to sort himself out and start prioritizing you before your relationship can progress. 💐

SpicyRedRobin · 10/11/2025 21:19

Are you sure she's not his partner and those are his kids?!

It makes no sense he's moving her into his house and then living for free in yours.

Plus you haven't met any of his family, which she probably has... This is way too much drama for a year long relationship. I would have been out of the door at '2 close female friends' if I'm honest.

swingingbytheseat · 10/11/2025 21:16

He sounds like he’s scared of closeness. You won’t be able to change his behaviour, so think about if you want to be with someone whose not a full adult yet

Original poster
divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:12

Shadesofscarlett · 10/11/2025 21:10

he is renting her and her kids his whole house and is moving in with op?

Show quote history

He’s trying to say it would be a house share/room rent agreement and doesn’t think it counts as subletting as it’s his registered primary residence but I said no it’s not she’d be renting the entire house

OP posts:
Original poster
divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:10

I’ve explained everything about why I’m not happy with it and I said if him moving in properly is something we wanted to do then he’d need to pay a lot more than 140

OP posts:
sunshinestar1986 · 10/11/2025 21:10

divisifting · 10/11/2025 17:36

Been with my boyfriend for over a year now although most of that time was a distance relationship. Since moving closer in August he’s been practically living with me for almost 2 months although not actually moved in.. just living out of a bag staying here every night but usually once a week or so going back to his place on a Sunday just to do washing etc.

Relationship is progressing very well and he’s met all my family and friends yet I’ve not met his. His parents do know about me and he’s promised I’ll meet them this month but an issue has been he has 2 extremely close female friends really his only close friends. They were both married but I was always a bit worried as they would go away a lot the three of them and one of them would say she loves him etc. one of them split from their husband this summer and it’s the only time we’ve argued is when one night he went out with her and her kids when the other friend was away and tried to hide it from me pretty much.

also call it coincidence but when he started living with me coincides with the time I briefly met the other friend and it was a very awkward short interaction, my instinct is she’s jealous as afterwards I heard her husband was upset and my bf was devastated because she told him things wouldn’t be the same and they’ve not been as close.

he said this was also because of the other friend though who’s rapidly got with a new partner involved with kids etc after a very short time. Not sure why but this friend has been living with her kids at the other friends house.

then last week my DP/boyfriend said she wants to move into his house for a bit of cash while her marital house sells and I gather so she can also have this new guy stay with her and her kids. This has caused a big argument as I said we hadn’t even discussed his contribution living with me or him moving in properly and this would change it from being a choice and pretty easy going if he wants to go back to his to actually him moving in for 8 weeks plus because he wants cash.

Tbh I also feel weird about it that he seems to be prioritising these female friend always and the thought of her moving into his house sleeping in his bed makes me really uncomfortable and I feel like not only would he be here by obligation but anytime he went back to his or left for a day etc I’d be super anxious he was there with her!!

we had a big argument and he’s now sent me 140 he says he’ll pay each month. He’s doubled down and now said what if she just rents it for 4/5 weeks over December with a contract and the cash goes in a joint pot for spending on activities for us but I still feel worried about it can I have any thoughts please AIBU? He’s said he’ll be upset if I say no and it makes no different to me but I think it does and she doesn’t need the house she just wants it for cheap rent.

Are you happy financially supporting him, while he financially supports other women and is there for them emotionally so you're not even his first priority?

Shadesofscarlett · 10/11/2025 21:10

Onmytod24 · 10/11/2025 21:00

He’s not going to rent her the whole house she’ll be there as his lodger which is not illegal in shared ownership.

he is renting her and her kids his whole house and is moving in with op?

Original poster
divisifting · 10/11/2025 21:10

Well I’ve just had it out with him and asked him to go back to his and he’s leaving

OP posts:
BonneMaman77 · 10/11/2025 21:08

In one year you are having arguments over other women and, strange behaviours from all three as you’ve described. Why do you want this for your life? Now he will move in with you despite the fact that you questioned it? It’s your place and he has “doubled down”?

Leave now OP before you have anymore weird stories to write here on Mumsnet walls

crazeekat · 10/11/2025 21:07

Oh man get the cf gone. It’s been 2 months, u shouldn’t even know his finances at this point nor he urs, he is a bad bad news this will only end in disaster for you. Say bye and thank ur lucky stars for near misses. He is fking u over big time and his ‘friends’ know the real him .

BruFord · 10/11/2025 21:05

Onmytod24 · 10/11/2025 21:00

He’s not going to rent her the whole house she’ll be there as his lodger which is not illegal in shared ownership.

@Onmytod24 Ah, so he clearly needs to live there himself instead of moving in with the OP. That makes far more sense.

@divisifting DON’T let him move in with you right now, it’s not a good idea. Plus he’s not planning to contribute properly.

Onmytod24 · 10/11/2025 21:00

He’s not going to rent her the whole house she’ll be there as his lodger which is not illegal in shared ownership.

Quantumfisiks · 10/11/2025 20:56

divisifting · 10/11/2025 18:07

I suggested 50 a week but he said he has 2k a month credit card and spends 140 on increased diesel and only saves 30-40 on his bills

So how is he managing this currently? it’s doesn’t make sense that he can afford his lifestyle now, but when he rents out his flat, he will only be able to afford to pay £140.

£2k a MONTH on credit cards??

Sgreenpy · 10/11/2025 20:54

Just say no.
'That doesn't work for me right now. I don't want to live together full time.'
He's perfectly entitled to have friends of the opposite sex, many people do (my best friend is a man!) Although in this case you dont seem to trust him either.
This is a smokescreen as you're being forced to live with him when you don't really want to and your bills are not being halved (as they should be!).
Also you cant rent a whole property out 'casually' - you can take a lodger as i believe are different rules in regard to obligations etc (if you own/mortgaged on your own home).

SpicyRedRobin · 10/11/2025 20:53

Why are you allowing this man to move into your house despite not taking your relationship seriously? I hope he's paying half your rent and bills at minimum.

This sounds like a lessons learnt all around.

outerspacepotato · 10/11/2025 20:45

Who is the co-owner of his house?

MrsBlobby64 · 10/11/2025 20:39

Big CF & CL vibes - run for the hills...

Tiedyeegg · 10/11/2025 20:32

Also if he moves in with you for £140 a month (or £240, it’s still a pittance) at what point does he actually start paying his way?

sugarrosepetal · 10/11/2025 20:29

The major red flags:

  1. you haven't met any of his friends or family yet you've been together for one year. (Ask yourself why? Why does he only seem to have these two females hanging about and no one else?)

  2. he is using manipulation tactics to get you to agree to him moving in with you under the guise of letting his friend stay at his to get extra cash (cock n bull story, likely trying to get his feet under the table to make it harder for you to get rid of him. Then he'll not pay his keep or lift a finger. You'll be doing everything for him).

  3. he doesn't care about your feelings and makes that blatantly clear by how he is treating you ( why all the secrecy? If you smell a rat, it usually is a rat)

Tiedyeegg · 10/11/2025 20:29

divisifting · 10/11/2025 19:15

If he was paying more than 140 and you were me would you be happy with him renting the house if he was paying more he did say if he rented it he could pay me an extra 100 a month

No. The fact he tried to steamroll over you and go ahead with it anyway even when you told him you weren’t comfortable with it would take it entirely off the table for me and would more than likely be the end of the relationship aswell. That’s not the actions of someone who cares about you.

Cornishwafer · 10/11/2025 20:29

OP..another poster mentioned the female friend thing is a red herring and I agree ..its a very convenient distraction that flips the situation leaving you focused on your 'jealousy' (and therefore maybe worried, deep down that you are at fault/controlling) while drawing attention away from the larger issues at play.
If your DP was going to rent his house out to another man while paying you £140 a month this would still be wrong...the fact you feel uncomfortable about the female friend issue works well for your DP...it means this element comes into your discussions and is fodder for making you seem unreasonable or jealous...when issue at hand should be the fact that he's being grabby.

99bottlesofkombucha · 10/11/2025 20:26

Nope. You deserve better than a man deciding he will move in with you because he can help a friend (illegally) and pay off his credit card on you. Tell him that, and he’s chosen his priorities which is his finances and his friend and you can see you’re very useful to him in achieving those but that’s not your idea of a relationship and you’re uncomfortable with the illegality part too so he won’t be moving in. You didn’t get consulted and he’d be stuck at yours if he got caught with renting the house.

BippidyBoppety · 10/11/2025 20:22

OP, I'm so pleased you are listening to the majority / all of the other posters. A couple of other things to think about ...

You are close to doing the "pick me" dance - other woman/women in the picture, and the suspicion you are not number 1 in his life.

Does your landlord know your "DP" has all but moved in? You say you are renting, there'll be a contract somewhere with the T&C's on. Even if it's short term the "DP" stays you may be breaking your contract with your landlord.

Council tax as others have pointed out - don't get yourself in trouble because your "DP" needs to pay off his credit card! That is not your responsibility.

Will your "DP" be changing the credit cards / any other debts to your address (which would happen with declaring on Council Tax)? If you get linked to him financially you could find yourself further down the line with a bad debt record (I think I'm correct in this, but happy for others to state if I'm making stuff up - ).

I think it's too soon and way too messy at this stage to be living together.

sugarrosepetal · 10/11/2025 20:21

Hell no! This has got red flags all over it. Get rid of him now OP and don't look back. He is trying to control and manipulate you. Please be careful and do not let him move in with you. Stop all the overnights and cut him loose. He has the red flags of an abuser.