I want him to have a vasectomy

The pill - I can’t have (blood clot risk)
the mini pill made me so depressed he walked in at 2pm and I’d not gone to work but was sat in bed with a bottle of wine (before kids)
the implant gave me migraines
i was sectioned while having the mirena in!!
the injection made me quite moody and my GP doesn’t seem to think they give it very regular now?
The copper coil gave me such heavy periods I had to miss work and have a couple of days in bed, plus I’m already having to take prescribed iron every day

i even asked my GP who has been there through my MH battles about trying the coil again and even she said she wouldn’t advise it given what I’ve been through over the past year for a while yet. I’ve really tried it all.

He bangs on about sex all the fucking time, how he wishes he could “cum in me” but can’t cos I’m not on anything - tbh at least at my mums I know I’m not at risk of being made to feel guilty when I refuse all the time. I keep saying he needs to use condoms but he’s made no effort

Jesus Christ! I'd want to be as far away from this sex obsessed, useless pig of man as I possibly could! It sounds from OP's update that he just makes her life a misery by demanding sex and sulking because she won't let him come inside her, despite his reluctance to use condoms. Perhaps after she's been away from him for a few days, she'll realise how much better her life is when she's not being dragged down by another useless manchild and call time on the relationship.

Not sure why you’ve taken the kids to your mums.

you need to move back home. Stop risking your mental or physical health again you so can no longer have sex untill there’s a solution. Ask him how he’s like to proceed. Everyone he asks for or tried to have sex stop and say ‘so what are we doing to ensure I don’t get pregnant’ and stay silent until he answers…. Don’t fill the awkward silence. Let him solutionise it himself.

or make a joint docs appointment tent and discuss the pros and cons of male vs female sterilisation.

stop taking the full burden - it isn’t yours to carry and risk your health for.

Not sure why you’ve taken the kids to your mums.

you need to move back home. Stop risking your mental or physical health again you so can no longer have sex untill there’s a solution. Ask him how he’s like to proceed. Everyone he asks for or tried to have sex stop and say ‘so what are we doing to ensure I don’t get pregnant’ and stay silent until he answers…. Don’t fill the awkward silence. Let him solutionise it himself.

or make a joint docs appointment tent and discuss the pros and cons of male vs female sterilisation.

stop taking the full burden - it isn’t yours to carry and risk your health for.

Not sure why you’ve taken the kids to your mums.

you need to move back home. Stop risking your mental or physical health again you so can no longer have sex untill there’s a solution. Ask him how he’s like to proceed. Everyone he asks for or tried to have sex stop and say ‘so what are we doing to ensure I don’t get pregnant’ and stay silent until he answers…. Don’t fill the awkward silence. Let him solutionise it himself.

or make a joint docs appointment tent and discuss the pros and cons of male vs female sterilisation.

stop taking the full burden - it isn’t yours to carry and risk your health for.

Not sure why you’ve taken the kids to your mums.

you need to move back home. Stop risking your mental or physical health again you so can no longer have sex untill there’s a solution. Ask him how he’s like to proceed. Everyone he asks for or tried to have sex stop and say ‘so what are we doing to ensure I don’t get pregnant’ and stay silent until he answers…. Don’t fill the awkward silence. Let him solutionise it himself.

or make a joint docs appointment tent and discuss the pros and cons of male vs female sterilisation.

stop taking the full burden - it isn’t yours to carry and risk your health for.

Not sure why you’ve taken the kids to your mums.

you need to move back home. Stop risking your mental or physical health again you so can no longer have sex untill there’s a solution. Ask him how he’s like to proceed. Everyone he asks for or tried to have sex stop and say ‘so what are we doing to ensure I don’t get pregnant’ and stay silent until he answers…. Don’t fill the awkward silence. Let him solutionise it himself.

or make a joint docs appointment tent and discuss the pros and cons of male vs female sterilisation.

stop taking the full burden - it isn’t yours to carry and risk your health for.

Not sure why you’ve taken the kids to your mums.

you need to move back home. Stop risking your mental or physical health again you so can no longer have sex untill there’s a solution. Ask him how he’s like to proceed. Everyone he asks for or tried to have sex stop and say ‘so what are we doing to ensure I don’t get pregnant’ and stay silent until he answers…. Don’t fill the awkward silence. Let him solutionise it himself.

or make a joint docs appointment tent and discuss the pros and cons of male vs female sterilisation.

stop taking the full burden - it isn’t yours to carry and risk your health for.

Not sure why you’ve taken the kids to your mums.

you need to move back home. Stop risking your mental or physical health again you so can no longer have sex untill there’s a solution. Ask him how he’s like to proceed. Everyone he asks for or tried to have sex stop and say ‘so what are we doing to ensure I don’t get pregnant’ and stay silent until he answers…. Don’t fill the awkward silence. Let him solutionise it himself.

or make a joint docs appointment tent and discuss the pros and cons of male vs female sterilisation.

stop taking the full burden - it isn’t yours to carry and risk your health for.

I think this is a fair point even if you think you don’t want any more children no one knows what the future will hold.

the ops partner is still young and maybe is open to the idea of more kids or maybe the reality that the relationship could end (both sides could end it or even someone passes away) and he might be happy to have more kids with a new partner.

im female btw i just know that things don’t always go as planned. I have one DC and I have said I don’t want more but that is because of my situation. That might all change if I met someone else. Something like vasectomies or having tubes tied is pretty final and I wouldn’t want to take that risk that my life might change.

as for the OP I understand contraception doesn’t work for them so the only option available is condoms. If he refuses to use them then don’t have sex or monitor your natural rhythm and time sex when you’re not fertile. It’s still risky though.

this relationship sounds unhealthy though anyway it’s abuse if she forces him to have the surgery and could likely end up with resentment from him which could end it anyway. And if he’s forcing the issue and making her have sex unprotected this is sexual assault.

I don’t believe in forcing any man to have a vasectomy. The only person who should make a decision about any procedure on their body is that individual. and I say that as someone whose DH has had it,

However I would be categorically saying no condom, no sex. End of. Don’t want the snip, that’s fine, I respect that. But you’ll also respect me saying no condom, no sex

I don't think this is fair. I don't want any more children but I still feel sad that nature is inevitably taking the option away from me. It's a big psychological step and it's a physical procedure and no man has to do it to himself if he doesn't want to and he doesn't have to give a reason at all. It's his body.

However, if he won't use condoms either then it's up to OP if she wants to take that risk given other contraception has not suited her; the risks are all on her. She doesn’t, totally reasonably. So his choice is, use condoms or avoid penetrative sex, and he should make a choice, not whinge about it.

Decent men don't think like this.

YABU to expect to be able to pressure/emotionally blackmail someone into a permanent, lifechanging surgery like this because it's what you want them to do.

Condoms exist, if you no longer wish to take hormonal contraception that is your right to make that decision about your own body, which he needs to respect.

As a woman, I honestly couldn't be with someone that was trying to strongarm me into having surgery I didn't want, that's bordering on abusive behaviour and I hope he is able to access the right support to manage the relationship at this moment in time.