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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was really cheeky of my friend!

392 replies

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 15:02

So my friend has just told me that she’s “only gonna spend a cutla quid” (her words, not mine ) on my DS this Christmas because she’s “saving for Center Parcs next year.”

Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but a cutla quid?? I actually thought she was joking at first. My DS is 7, not some random kid from school you pick up a selection box for. I always spend properly on her DD with last year it was a LEGO set, a book, and one of those slime-making kits that exploded glitter everywhere. Easily £25+.

So I said, “Oh right, just a couple of quid?” and she said, dead serious, “Yeah hun, can’t go mad this year, Center Parcs isn’t cheap.”

Sorry but since when did her holiday mean my son gets shortchanged?! It’s not my fault she wants to go be in a beige lodge with a swimming pool.

She’s now acting like I’m the unreasonable one for being “materialistic.” But surely it’s just basic decency to reciprocate roughly what someone else spends?

Would I be unreasonable to get her DD something from the pound shop this year and see how she likes it?

OP posts:
RessicaJabbit · 10/11/2025 21:21

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 20:57

The thing is it’s tradition

So just spend a cutla quid on hers then... 🤷‍♀️

Why does this have to be such hard work?

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 21:19

MissDoubleU · 10/11/2025 21:18

You’re just saying “it’s tradition” but moaning that she doesn’t spoil your kids the way you spoil hers. What’s the tradition here? Give her kid a fiver in a cheap card and be done. She’s told you she can’t do bigger presents. It’s not even fucking December. Get a grip.

Right but she said “cutla quid” so surely that means £2?

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 10/11/2025 21:18

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 21:11

I love how no one is listening to my other comments so what’s the point

You’re just saying “it’s tradition” but moaning that she doesn’t spoil your kids the way you spoil hers. What’s the tradition here? Give her kid a fiver in a cheap card and be done. She’s told you she can’t do bigger presents. It’s not even fucking December. Get a grip.

ScreamingBeans · 10/11/2025 21:17

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 20:57

The thing is it’s tradition

It's a really oppressive, ridiculous tradition.

Kids already have loads of future landfill for Christmas, they don't need more and it's a massive stress for people who may be trying to budget.

Just find a cheaper, nicer tradition. A playdate every year, a tea-party, a pillow fight party, a cake making party, whatever.

Teanbiscuits33 · 10/11/2025 21:16

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 20:51

Last year, she got DS a voucher.
For WHSmith.
For £5.

Not even for somewhere fun like Smyths or The Entertainer — no, WHSmith.

And to make it worse, she didn’t even put it in a proper card! Just shoved it in one of those generic ones and scribbled inside like she was signing off an Amazon delivery!

So when she came out with her “cutla quid” comment, it just hit a nerve. this isn’t new behaviour, it’s a pattern.

And before anyone says “but it’s the thought that counts” there was no thought. None. At least if it had been a book, a game, or something personal, I’d get it. But a WHSmith voucher??

So yeah, I don’t think I’m being petty, I think I’m just finally seeing the light.

So stop bothering with her. Tell her that you’ve thought about what she said about not having much money this Christmas, and you’ve decided it’s best if you both stop buying each others kids gifts at all to ease the pressures on both of you from now on. Then pick a different time to tell her that you don’t feel valued in the friendship. Wait till next time she ‘forgets her purse’ to bring it up so she doesn’t think you’re just bitter over the Christmas present. Then pull back from the friendship. Job done.

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 10/11/2025 21:15

And this is why I’ve always agreed with friends we don’t buy for each other’s kids. They get enough anyway. Makes it easier for everyone.

Change2banon · 10/11/2025 21:14

Honestly it’s a non issue, I don’t understand why you’re so outraged. Just reciprocate her spending 🤷‍♀️

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 21:11

I love how no one is listening to my other comments so what’s the point

OP posts:
FeetLikeFlippers · 10/11/2025 21:08

I think I’d have to dump her just for the “cutla”.

Londonrach1 · 10/11/2025 21:08

Maybe suggest no presents this year. I bet she jump at the chance of stopping the present exchange. Yabu re demanding she spends money on your son

Clementine12 · 10/11/2025 21:06

Still using ‘cutla’ despite many people perplexed by it…

Blueblell · 10/11/2025 21:06

She is telling you so that you don’t spend a lot in
her child. She is not being unreasonable.

Lotsnlotsoflove · 10/11/2025 21:05

Weird snobby way to write about your friend’s speech/accent.

But more to the point you are v v v v unreasonable to expect her to prioritise your child’s Xmas gift over her family holiday. She is saving for something, it’s her own money - she has told you in advance so just don’t get her child a gift worth more than a few pounds.

Frenzi · 10/11/2025 21:04

Just stop buying presents for each others child for the sake of buying presents.

If its tradition - break the tradition!

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 21:03

nosleepforme · 10/11/2025 21:01

Oh fgs, why are you so entitled? No one owes your kid expensive presents. She has been more than fair - she’s explained her budget, given enough notice and not made a big deal. What more could you possibly want?!

Just when I thought I’d said everything… I suddenly remembered another moment that probably says a lot about the kind of nonsense I’ve had to deal with from her circle.

this was about two years ago. I’d got her DC a little Easter gift. Nothing major, just a cute basket with some bits in, including a chocolate bunny from Aldi. Looked lovely, tasted fine!

Anyway, fast-forward a week and one of her friends (who I barely know) apparently kicked off in their group chat because I “could have at least got proper chocolate.” Proper meaning… Lindt. 😑

Sorry, but I’m not exactly handing out chocolate coins from a petrol station forecourt, am I?! It was Easter, not a Michelin tasting menu.

So between that, the WHSmith voucher, and the “cutla quid” comment, you can maybe see why I’m a teensy bit trigger-happy on the outrage lately 😂

OP posts:
nosleepforme · 10/11/2025 21:01

Oh fgs, why are you so entitled? No one owes your kid expensive presents. She has been more than fair - she’s explained her budget, given enough notice and not made a big deal. What more could you possibly want?!

C152 · 10/11/2025 21:00

It's a tradition that brings you no enjoyment, so just give it up. Btw, it sounds like you're not really friends, so perhaps let that slide too?

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 20:57

Hankunamatata · 10/11/2025 20:57

Just dont do presents for each others dc

The thing is it’s tradition

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 10/11/2025 20:57

Just dont do presents for each others dc

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 20:51

Last year, she got DS a voucher.
For WHSmith.
For £5.

Not even for somewhere fun like Smyths or The Entertainer — no, WHSmith.

And to make it worse, she didn’t even put it in a proper card! Just shoved it in one of those generic ones and scribbled inside like she was signing off an Amazon delivery!

So when she came out with her “cutla quid” comment, it just hit a nerve. this isn’t new behaviour, it’s a pattern.

And before anyone says “but it’s the thought that counts” there was no thought. None. At least if it had been a book, a game, or something personal, I’d get it. But a WHSmith voucher??

So yeah, I don’t think I’m being petty, I think I’m just finally seeing the light.

OP posts:
TheLemonLemur · 10/11/2025 20:39

Just agree not to swap gifts and spend the money on your own kid?

MotherJessAndKittens · 10/11/2025 20:37

Christmas is expensive enough without spending £25 on a friends child. Sounds like she is trying to back off from doing this. We’ve never done this with friends only family and hope DC don’t come home with presents from their friends. Agree selection boxes are ok if you want to do that though all the chocolate stuff has shot up in price this year.

MissDoubleU · 10/11/2025 20:23

Wtaf is a cutla quid

Clipclophair · 10/11/2025 20:17

Knock the gifting on the head.

job done.

Perplexed20 · 10/11/2025 20:08

Are you relate to the isle of skye thread person?

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