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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was really cheeky of my friend!

392 replies

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 15:02

So my friend has just told me that she’s “only gonna spend a cutla quid” (her words, not mine ) on my DS this Christmas because she’s “saving for Center Parcs next year.”

Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but a cutla quid?? I actually thought she was joking at first. My DS is 7, not some random kid from school you pick up a selection box for. I always spend properly on her DD with last year it was a LEGO set, a book, and one of those slime-making kits that exploded glitter everywhere. Easily £25+.

So I said, “Oh right, just a couple of quid?” and she said, dead serious, “Yeah hun, can’t go mad this year, Center Parcs isn’t cheap.”

Sorry but since when did her holiday mean my son gets shortchanged?! It’s not my fault she wants to go be in a beige lodge with a swimming pool.

She’s now acting like I’m the unreasonable one for being “materialistic.” But surely it’s just basic decency to reciprocate roughly what someone else spends?

Would I be unreasonable to get her DD something from the pound shop this year and see how she likes it?

OP posts:
Tatemoderndrawyourown · 11/11/2025 19:02

InBedBy10 · 11/11/2025 17:46

I mean it should have been obvious when she handed your kid a fiver (probably re-gifted) gift card, that she wasn't into your "tradition".

Honestly after reading all of your posts, it sounds like you both hate each other. I'd let this friendship fade out. I bet she wouldn't chase you. Or do you like the drama?

Edited

She likes the drama…

phantomofthepopera · 11/11/2025 18:55

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 21:19

Right but she said “cutla quid” so surely that means £2?

No. A “coupla quid” means £2. No idea what “cutla” means.

I suspect she’s saying “I can’t afford to spend a lot this year so I’m giving you a heads up not to buy mine an expensive gift”. I think that’s perfectly reasonable. I’d be bankrupt if I spent £25+ on every one of my friends’ children.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 11/11/2025 18:02

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing. The trouble is, these situations can sneak up on you. Someone thinks it’s a nice gesture to buy a gift for someone else, and before you know it you’re locked into this yearly or more obligation. It then gets awkward if you drift apart or one of you finds themselves significantly financially worse off than the other.

Perhaps giving gifts might be your way of showing that you care. People talk about having a love language, maybe it’s a friendship language. But it can come with the pressure of expectation. If you think the friendship will survive this little blip, maybe invite your friend to meet up with the kids before Christmas, just for fun, no need to swap gifts.

InBedBy10 · 11/11/2025 17:46

BreezyFish · 11/11/2025 17:12

So she’s replied… and she said “you know what I’m glad you said it first because I didn’t know how to tell you!” Sorted!

I mean it should have been obvious when she handed your kid a fiver (probably re-gifted) gift card, that she wasn't into your "tradition".

Honestly after reading all of your posts, it sounds like you both hate each other. I'd let this friendship fade out. I bet she wouldn't chase you. Or do you like the drama?

PhuckTrump · 11/11/2025 17:28

BreezyFish · 11/11/2025 17:12

So she’s replied… and she said “you know what I’m glad you said it first because I didn’t know how to tell you!” Sorted!

Result! And let this be a lesson to us all—perhaps we should think about “releasing” the obligation of the ever-expanding list of people we feel obligated to gift swap with.

BreezyFish · 11/11/2025 17:12

So she’s replied… and she said “you know what I’m glad you said it first because I didn’t know how to tell you!” Sorted!

OP posts:
madaboutpurple · 11/11/2025 15:44

There are plenty of chocolate gifts from pound shops. Children love a selection pack.

sharkstale · 11/11/2025 15:09

Cutla 🤣

I mean, if she actually can't afford it because she wants to take her kids away, that's fair enough I suppose. Just spend a cutla quid on her kid too

mrlistersgelfbride · 11/11/2025 14:57

Cutla 🤣

I’ve learned something today. Sounds like some sort of gen Z nightmare of a word.

YABU. I do not buy for friends kids unless it’s their birthday.
If I had to get them a Christmas present, it would be a selection box.

DarkPassenger1 · 11/11/2025 14:52

PersephonePomegranate · 10/11/2025 19:34

Does she spend a cutla quid on sweets before taking her kids trickle treating? Are the kids' outfits kept in a Chester drawers?

No doubt she spends that cutla quid on a pack lunch for her kids, and wears her hair in a slick back bun for the school drop off.

DetectiveDouche · 11/11/2025 14:51

BreezyFish · 11/11/2025 08:36

Okay so after all the advice (and my brain doing Olympic-level overthinking), I finally decided to just bite the bullet.

I messaged her this morning saying:

“Hey, it’s probably best if we just don’t do gifts for the kids this year ❤️.”

Nice, neutral, no drama. I even added the heart so it didn’t sound frosty.

Anyway. She’s read it.
Two blue ticks.
No reply.

I’m giving her till tomorrow to reply. If she still hasn’t replied by then, I might just send a follow-up saying “No worries, hope you’re okay xx”.

Honestly, at this point, the emotional labour of this friendship deserves its own line on my CV.

If you say "no worries" to her lack of response, you will be nonsensically answering yourself. Which is fine of course, as it fits the tone of the entire bollocky thread, but you should at least add "hun" ..

Well done OP.. I've never ever seen so many MNers get SO wound up and genuinely irritated - me included- over what it almost certainly a made-up fake post intended for exactly that purpose. So kudos to you respect

SaltyandSweet · 11/11/2025 14:49

OP is clearly on a wind up (she knows “cutla” is driving everyone crazy, for one, and deliberately uses it), get a life OP

DetectiveDouche · 11/11/2025 14:42

BaalSatanas · 11/11/2025 00:58

I find it bizarre that so many on here don’t realise the friend said “couple a” as in “a couple of quid”.

It’s quite simple she’s told you the limit, that’s telling you how much you should spend on hers. If I was you I would give your child the extra, maybe even as cash in the stocking that they can buy themself sumfin wiv.

I really do believe the DO realise... but can't get past the sheer irritation of it being reproduced as "cutla".. and I'm with them

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 11/11/2025 12:48

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 21:42

Well what would you buy from WHsmith if you had a voucher for there?

For my kids - Books, toys, games, art supplies, activity books, sweets , chocolate, note books and pencil cases, Pokémon cards and magazines.

but it’s not about what you can buy - it’s about being grateful for the voucher. If you were that worried he wouldn’t find anything, you could use the voucher to buy stuff you need (stamps, stationary, Christmas cards, stuff for Christmas presents….) and give him the money. We’ve done that before with various vouchers.

I’ve seen the update and think you’ve done the right thing. No gifts.

Nevernonono · 11/11/2025 12:44

nomas · 11/11/2025 12:40

You sound overly invested and angry.

I don't give explanations to people who call me a troll for no discernible reason. Move on.

You sound bizarre, you’ve no explanation, like OP!

Never called you a troll either…..

You’ve made a cutla mad comments!

Sallycanwait44 · 11/11/2025 12:42

This has got to be a fake post or troll

nomas · 11/11/2025 12:40

Nevernonono · 11/11/2025 12:16

Because off the nonsense you’re talking?

What makes you think that the friend still wants the OP to spend £25, when she’s said up front she will be spending just a cutla quid? I mean surely if she wanted the OP to buy a £25 present, she would have told tHE OP and waited until the presents were exchanged?

Can you explain why you think she was expecting the OP to still spend a lot of money?

I’d be very interested in your explanation.

You sound overly invested and angry.

I don't give explanations to people who call me a troll for no discernible reason. Move on.

GeorgeandAsh · 11/11/2025 12:39

BreezyFish · 11/11/2025 11:16

I was hoping for a cutla comments that would find the situation funny - gotta laugh through the pain sometimes haha

Except it's not remotely funny. Do you really think it is?

Nevernonono · 11/11/2025 12:17

Nevernonono · 11/11/2025 12:16

Because off the nonsense you’re talking?

What makes you think that the friend still wants the OP to spend £25, when she’s said up front she will be spending just a cutla quid? I mean surely if she wanted the OP to buy a £25 present, she would have told tHE OP and waited until the presents were exchanged?

Can you explain why you think she was expecting the OP to still spend a lot of money?

I’d be very interested in your explanation.

*would not have told

Nevernonono · 11/11/2025 12:16

nomas · 11/11/2025 11:23

Why?

Because off the nonsense you’re talking?

What makes you think that the friend still wants the OP to spend £25, when she’s said up front she will be spending just a cutla quid? I mean surely if she wanted the OP to buy a £25 present, she would have told tHE OP and waited until the presents were exchanged?

Can you explain why you think she was expecting the OP to still spend a lot of money?

I’d be very interested in your explanation.

RessicaJabbit · 11/11/2025 11:25

BreezyFish · 11/11/2025 11:16

I was hoping for a cutla comments that would find the situation funny - gotta laugh through the pain sometimes haha

tbf you probably have added to the MN dictionary.

naice...darked on... cutted up .. and now: cutla

nomas · 11/11/2025 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why?

BreezyFish · 11/11/2025 11:16

ObtuseMoose · 11/11/2025 10:43

I'm thinking OP was hoping for loads of 'I'm howling' comments and demands that this goes straight to classics and she should write a book. It's got that writing style all over it.

I was hoping for a cutla comments that would find the situation funny - gotta laugh through the pain sometimes haha

OP posts:
Nevernonono · 11/11/2025 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ObtuseMoose · 11/11/2025 10:43

I'm thinking OP was hoping for loads of 'I'm howling' comments and demands that this goes straight to classics and she should write a book. It's got that writing style all over it.