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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was really cheeky of my friend!

392 replies

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 15:02

So my friend has just told me that she’s “only gonna spend a cutla quid” (her words, not mine ) on my DS this Christmas because she’s “saving for Center Parcs next year.”

Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but a cutla quid?? I actually thought she was joking at first. My DS is 7, not some random kid from school you pick up a selection box for. I always spend properly on her DD with last year it was a LEGO set, a book, and one of those slime-making kits that exploded glitter everywhere. Easily £25+.

So I said, “Oh right, just a couple of quid?” and she said, dead serious, “Yeah hun, can’t go mad this year, Center Parcs isn’t cheap.”

Sorry but since when did her holiday mean my son gets shortchanged?! It’s not my fault she wants to go be in a beige lodge with a swimming pool.

She’s now acting like I’m the unreasonable one for being “materialistic.” But surely it’s just basic decency to reciprocate roughly what someone else spends?

Would I be unreasonable to get her DD something from the pound shop this year and see how she likes it?

OP posts:
Bananaandmangosmoothie · 10/11/2025 16:43

We don’t do Christmas gifts for friends’ children at all. Maybe just agree not to buy anything? Or just also get her child something small.

brunettemic · 10/11/2025 16:42

Spelling aside I really don’t see the issue.

GreenHSmyth901 · 10/11/2025 16:41

She might be teaching you a lesson for the gift which explodes glitter everywhere 😂 - seriously, I couldnt buy gifts for all my friends kids etc , that's crazy - what a headache , I would rather spend it all on family - I think your friend may have a point ...

converseandjeans · 10/11/2025 16:41

Have you been buying for her child for longer & she has happily accepted gifts? Is your DS younger? I had a friend who happily accepted decent gifts for her kids & then mine came along about 8 or so years later. They would get second hand book as a gift (it was something with her kids names written in). So when it came to reciprocating it was obvious we weren’t important enough to actually buy something new. You can’t get much for £2. I think a fiver would be more use.

Original poster
BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:40

Rainbows41 · 10/11/2025 16:39

YABU for buying her daughter a gift that contained exploding glitter. This is probs why she is refraining from buying yours a decent gift this year.
Also when did we start giving to receive?

Her DD asked for it!

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 10/11/2025 16:39

7 years of age is old enough to say thank you for any gift received regardless of its monetary value and to know other families may not be as well off as yours.

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 10/11/2025 16:39

Maybe she realised you’re not her friend and look down on her.

Mothership4two · 10/11/2025 16:39

If a friend said they were spending a couple of quid, on my child, I would assume that they were expecting me to do the same for theirs. However in my firendship groups we don't buy presents for each others children and £25 sounds a lot for a friend's child especially as you don't sound that keen on them.

From your updates she doesn't sound much of a friend anyway

Rainbows41 · 10/11/2025 16:39

YABU for buying her daughter a gift that contained exploding glitter. This is probs why she is refraining from buying yours a decent gift this year.
Also when did we start giving to receive?

ArtfulPinkBird · 10/11/2025 16:39

I'd expect my friend to prioritise her family holiday over buying a more expensive gift for my child, yes. I'd do the same. Wouldn't you want your friend to be able to afford a nice holiday for her family, even if it means cutting back on Xmas gifts this year? I would if it was my friend. YABU.

zingally · 10/11/2025 16:38

She's right to tell you, in order to manage expectations. I don't think that's unreasonable.
You adjust accordingly. You're now looking at a £10 gift, as opposed to a £25+ bagful.

To be fair, a lego set, a book and a craft set is very generous for a friends kid. That's more in the league of a niece or nephew I'd have thought.

AnnaPhylax · 10/11/2025 16:32

Your friend said ‘cutla quid’ and you knew what she was talking about? Do you both have speech impediments? Y wud ne1 rite vat?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 10/11/2025 16:30

Sounds like she’s letting you know in advance so that you can match the spend reduction on what you spend on her child to keep it fair. Why are you buying Christmas presents for each others children anyway? I only buy for family because it gets ridiculously expensive otherwise.

TheatricalLife · 10/11/2025 16:29

Sounds a bit pointless continuing a friendship from your latest update. Agree to not bother to buy for the kids at all and let it fade out.

IsItSnowing · 10/11/2025 16:27

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

Oh good, a drip feed. Is that because opinions weren’t in your favour?

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/11/2025 16:26

Just dont buy for her kids & she doesnt buy for yours. Problem solved.

JetFlight · 10/11/2025 16:25

She’s probably cutting back for everyone so she can put extra towards her holiday.
Its good she let you know and you didn’t find out when you exchanged gifts.
Just do the same.

LeaderBee · 10/11/2025 16:25

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

Funny how it's "been building" halfway through a thread you have almost unanimously been told that YABU.

YarraValley · 10/11/2025 16:24

You obviously don’t like her so I don’t see why it’s an issue. She’s told you on November 10th, plenty of time before Christmas.

didgeridid · 10/11/2025 16:23
  1. Cutla can not be a real term.... It's "couple of" (cuppla depending on pronunciation)right?
  2. Surely no one is actually as self entitled as you? Nobody buys gifts to receive gifts and there's no such thing as a set amount
WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 10/11/2025 16:22

Take it as a cue to tell her that you'll reciprocate in kind. Dress it up in saving the planet or that you think it was such a good idea of hers you will be saving for your own holiday.

I think it's best to set up an agreement with her to just not do any gifts. It sounds as if it would only be fraught. And start forgetting your wallet when you go out with her.

Nevernonono · 10/11/2025 16:22

BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:14

This isn’t just about a “cutla quid” or whatever. This has been building.

She has always been funny about money. She’ll “forget” her purse when we go for coffee, she’ll suggest splitting the bill “evenly” when she’s had the starter and dessert, and she once actually asked if I could “chip in” towards petrol for the school run lift she offered me?? Like sorry, are you my Uber now??

When I say it’s a transactional friendship, I mean literally. Everything with her is tit-for-tat. If I pick up her DD from afterschool club, she’ll make a big show of “owing me one” but if I ever ask her for the tiniest favour, she suddenly goes quiet or says she’s “busy babe.”

And yet when I try to be thoughtful she acts like I’m trying to buy her friendship. 🙄

So yes, maybe on the surface it’s “a bit of a storm in a teacup over a few quid,” but when it’s the latest in a long line of tightfisted nonsense, can you really blame me for being fed up??

You Clearly don’t like her, cool the friendship!

MoominMai · 10/11/2025 16:19

@BreezyFish if it were me I’d say that it’s only fair that both of you spend an equivalent amount on the kids so eg suggest if £10 is okay and then you spend that also. I imagine it’s not a big deal anyway as your son has you for his gifts and the excess you’re not spending on your friends child you can spend more on your own DS.

Original poster
BreezyFish · 10/11/2025 16:19

XenoBitch · 10/11/2025 16:17

Welcome to today's edition of 'That Didn't Happen...'

And how do you know it didn’t happen?

OP posts:
redjeans28 · 10/11/2025 16:18

I always spend properly on her DD with last year it was a LEGO set, a book and one of those slime-making kits that exploded glitter everywhere

You went too far with the glitter 'story'.

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