To leave my job and be a SAHM?

@Truetoself get off your high horse. If you have nothing useful to say then keep quiet

I have never got this 'wouldn't be worth working'. No, you wouldn't have savings, but you would keep up your pension, your skills, set your kids an example that having money=working for it and teaching them a good work ethic. That is more than worth it, even if you're running at a loss. So those who back go to uni/college and retrain and don't get to save for a year or even lose money? That's 'not worth it'? Even though their earning capacity will increase later.

Stay in the workforce OP. But change your shifts, get your kids into childcare, even if you run at a loss. You're clearly smart if work are investing in your training and the world needs smart people.

Do the kids do chores? Mine were running hoover around, emptying bins etc at primary age. We have a chore chart

What is found helped is we would all as a family do a 20min tidy before or after dinner

Can you cut it down and work 1 night a week. Being a sahm does get kind of boring sometimes and maybe even doing 1 shift gives you the best of both worlds.

Can you change your shift to 3 evenings.
Overnights are tough. I like them but finish by 4am.
It isn't possible with a baby. I remember being half dead caring for DS.

I spend 10 years doing 3 12 hour night shifts. I used childcare for the day in-between the shifts...I can't fathom how you are trying to care for a 19 month old in the middle of shifts. Its not so bad on the first shift or the last day as you can tell yourself you will have an early night once dh is back, but that middle day with barely any sleep and then going back to work?

Could you switch to weekend days? That way you still don't need childcare but are managing to reset your sleeping pattern back to night sleeping?

It was only once my kids were older and I switched to days that I realised how exhausted nights made me

Most manage because they have family to help out with childcare. It is difficult when you don't.

No way would I give up working with a husband like this. He sounds awful.

I thinks other families managed because the childcare expenses come out of the family pot. So the lower earner isn't forced to work nights / work in a job that brings in more than their childcare. Will you get free hours and when would they kick in?

As you are asking. We thought long and hard about the number of kids we wanted vs the reality of it, and what our lives would be like. We stopped at 2. I have a friend with 4, both her and her dh are run rugged and have no quality of life just revolves around the kids and she wonders how anyone else does it.
in your case, I would be a sahm for a few years just to get back on track and then go to work. 3 kids is a lot for one person to bear the financial burden.

Surely if you do nights you need childcare for the next day to sleep?

Op it sounds really tough. I also think your husband is forgetting that if it wasn’t for you he wouldn’t be able to do his job. It’s all good and well saying you don’t need childcare but you’re exhausted and on your knees because you are having to do it all!! How would he cope if the tables were turned?

Do you qualify for funded childcare? It’s from 9 months now and could help now or maybe when youngest is 2 with a pre-school. Lots of pre schools by me start from 2 now.

Don’t do it.

What would happen in the future if your husband became ill, lost their job, had a breakdown, had an affair or just started behaving like a dick? If you can confidently answer these questions and you and your kids wouldn’t suffer, consider it, if not stick at the job but try to make it work a bit better.

Consider reducing your hours, pay for a cleaner occasionally etc. Work out a better plan for cooking and cleaning which reduces time. Even get a childminder now and again to give yourself chance to catch up with home stuff. But don’t give the job up. You’re in the trenches but it should start getting easier soon.

Also have you seen how much money it costs to get kids through uni?

Can you ask for bank work and just cover the odd night when needed?

It's really hard to know what to do but it's crystal clear to me that the night shifts cannot continue. It's making you ill. I can sympathise (my work was nothing like as bad but I did periods of on call nights and I had to get out of it). Nothing is as important as your mental and physical health.

So have that as the starting point and work around it.

There is no easy option but I honestly think any option is better than nights. You have three small children and you are in the thick of it. I absolutely promise that life will get easier.

I think I would quit and then look at every option out there when you are rested and better able to actually think and dedicate time and energy to what you could do. I think that it's worth working, even if it's cost neutral for some years as it gives some balance, adult interaction and doesn't leave you responsible for everything in the home (not that you should be as a SAHP but it does seem to go that way). There is something out there for you.

Yikes, a 12 hour night shift and then looking after the kids the day after? And then the same again the next night? I think that would have most people on their knees.

What work do you do? And when will your youngest qualify for free hours?

I agree.
That's an appalling thing to say.

Are you working in care? I've worked in that sector on a casual contract and most weeks I got as many hours as I needed that fit in with childcare commitments. I also worked in a supported living home doing sleep ins at the weekend.
If you are in care, I'd suggest giving up the job and getting yourself on the books with a couple of companies as a casual. It sounds like work is important to your wellbeing but nights are understandabley too much so try to find a balance.

What about a more casual job? A couple of evenings of bar work Friday and Saturday and in your own bed by midnight?

Huh?

Being a SAHM equals “no societal contribution” and “no intelligent conversation”?!

How incredibly offensive.

Well she can't shove them back up now.

The kids are here now. Is it the only advice you can suggest? How helpful.

Why not get a sick note for a bit?

I panoply wouldn’t put my self in a position of having no income. It makes you very vulnerable.

id change jobs. I worked in hospitality when our children were younger I did 2 evenings 5-midnight and one day shift at the weekend 10-5 , if needed, worked well for us.

meant I still got a proper sleep but 8 was earning my own money.

No one knows how working a night shift can affect you mentally and physically before you actually do it.
Don't be so horrible.