Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Step daughter wanting help to gut her house and in not happy to help

131 replies

Lola234456 · 09/11/2025 22:14

I'm unwell and have a demanding physical job three long days a week, step daughter shall we say is very not houseproud barely does housework and I'm fairly disgusted with how she lives in her rented property, her dad often comments, both herself and her partner have good well paid jobs but they would simply rather goout or play computer games, she has a check by property mananger Thurs I have a long shift at work weds but am after after working two long days Mon and Tues in which I intend to spend one day cleaning and one day food shopping and relaxing, am I wrong to say no I won't spend my day off going and gutting her out I really wouldn't know when or where to start!!!

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 10/11/2025 14:58

Your husband is roping you in despite you telling him no.

His lazy kid and lazy partner should have bought the cleaning supplies, failing that, your retired husband who doesn't have a long work day tomorrow. Fuck that bullshit.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/11/2025 14:56

Is there a reason why DSD and her partner can't do it themselves during Monday/Tuesday evening?
I think they have a cheek asking you to do it, especially as you are unwell enough to be struggling to manage your own work, and they are grown adults. Your DH is pushing boundaries too, he must know that things are difficult for you.
I think you should take to your bed on Tuesday, or at least take a very obvious and lengthy nap, to ram the point home. Why are you doing the cleaning and shopping when your DH is retired and has all week to do this stuff?

ThirdStorm · 10/11/2025 14:55

Let her get mardy. Maybe they'll learn their lesson, draw up a cleaning rota between them and look after their rental a bit better. I keep my home quite tidy and my friends often suggest I could come help them with their tidying and cleaning. I'm like why would I do that! I don't enjoy those tasks but they need doing as I don't want to live somewhere that is messy and dirty.

parakeet · 10/11/2025 14:54

A young fit healthy couple should be ASHAMED to ask their parents for cleaning help, even if you didn't have health issues. Stick to your guns, do not engage with mardiness, do not argue, do not debate.

TheatricalLife · 10/11/2025 14:51

YANBU.
I'd suggest they book a deep clean with a professional company if they can't be arsed to do it themselves. Your DH can help if he wants.

PineappleheadC4 · 10/11/2025 14:50

YANBU but I would say be prepared for them to be evicted and want to move in with you. Plan now for what you would do if that happens.

NearlyDec · 10/11/2025 14:50

Why can’t your retired husband go to the shop?

This is silly. SD should ring the agent and ask if they can move the inspection until next week due to ill/busy time at work/alien abduction and then she and DP have time to get it sorted.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/11/2025 14:48

No way. It won't be appreciated or kept tidy.
I'd help if they were genuinely struggling, this pair are not struggling, just lazy.

FenceBooksCycle · 10/11/2025 14:46

They should pay a professional cleaning company to come and give everything a thorough scrubbing. If it's all filthy it might be a few hundred but after that they can just pay for a basic clean once a fortnight for probably less than £40 (depends on area) and keep it reasonably clean without liftimg a finger.

LittleGreenDragons · 10/11/2025 14:45

I have been out and bought cleaning products and mold spray cloths and air freshener upon request of my husband

Why? He's retired and has the time to waste going to shops, and quite honestly if the SD doesn't have those items already then well.. they deserve to be evicted tbh. Although I rather think it's a plan to get you to deliver said items and oh, while you are here can you just...?

Stay away. Stay out of it. Keep repeating "I'm not very well atm" to ANY request.

Zanatdy · 10/11/2025 14:43

I wouldn’t no, as you say they could have stayed home on the weekend instead. Your DH can go if he likes, but I wouldn’t be.

Original poster
Lola234456 · 10/11/2025 14:39

Update..... I have been out and bought cleaning products and mold spray cloths and air freshener upon request of my husband!!!! Even if they all where 99p tesco brands and I have told him I am absolutely no way helping they must have known about this inspection last week and still chose to go away with friends for the weekend instead of cleaning their house what he does is his choice but I'm staying well away! I feel guilty and am worried she will get mardy with me but I refuse to spend my days off cleaning when I've been at it in my own home!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lola234456 · 09/11/2025 23:33

manysausages · 09/11/2025 22:41

What’s their reason for needing you there? Can you say “if you’ve not been able to do it, I won’t be able to do it either.”?

She has asked me and her dad yes, dad is retired but I work, both have health issues, I'm fuming he has got abit mardy as I said no but I've explained I'm ill and struggling to work as is

OP posts:
manysausages · 09/11/2025 22:41

What’s their reason for needing you there? Can you say “if you’ve not been able to do it, I won’t be able to do it either.”?

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/11/2025 22:36

More fool her dad.

Cherrysoup · 09/11/2025 22:34

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 09/11/2025 22:18

This is one occasion where the horrible Mumsnet cliched response of "that won't work for me" is appropriate. Just leave them to it, and enjoy your downtime.

Bang on. Has she actually asked you?

Goldenboxes · 09/11/2025 22:28

Screw that.
Do they all think you are their skivvy?
Tell him to crack on, its his child.
CF to even suggest it.

TeeBee · 09/11/2025 22:25

Give her the number of a cleaning company. Fuck that!

Mylovelygreendress · 09/11/2025 22:23

Who asked you and is her father helping ?

BlueMum16 · 09/11/2025 22:23

Not sure why you're being asked. There's two of them and their dad if really needed.

Enjoy you days off.

Original poster
Lola234456 · 09/11/2025 22:23

Her dad's going over weds when im at work I have told him no way I'm doing it before a long shift at work next day, 🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
WelshRabBite · 09/11/2025 22:22

I think this is an important “consequences of their own actions” time.

They made the mess, they clean the mess.

Not sure how this is supposed to be your problem 🤷‍♀️

outerspacepotato · 09/11/2025 22:22

Do you mean gut as in pulling out plaster or drywall and tearing out stuff or cleaning?

If construction style, no, there's no way you're up to that, even more so if any of your health issues are respiratory.

If cleaning, her parents can help or she can hire it done. Again, your health issues make you an unsuitable free cleaner. She and her partner are too lazy to do their work, why do they expect you to?

No is the only answer.

PersephonePomegranate · 09/11/2025 22:20

You mean the place is in such a state that they 'need' help to tidy up and have it in a presentable state for the inspection? If so, that's pretty revolting.

Bugger that, I wouldnt be giving up my time to do their housework! They're two grown adults, they can either do it themselves (and learn how to clean up after themselves) or hire the help.

HedwigEliza · 09/11/2025 22:19

She’s an adult and doesn’t need anyone else to sort out her mess and clean for her. If she doesn’t want to do it herself, she can pay for a professional to come and help her. This is very much a problem of her own making, so it might be a valuable lesson to her - perhaps she won’t let it get into such a state in the future.