Step daughter wanting help to gut her house and in not happy to help

This.

If you want to curry favour with your DH, you could offer to help find (or fund) a cleaner. There are people that do last minute, end of tenancy type cleans.

I'd rather throw money at something than help. But I'd rather do nothing at all!

Does the fact that his DD and her BF live in filth and are shameless about it not bother your DH? His response is to go and clean for them?

I can’t believe you bought cleaning products. Stop feeling guilty, stop worrying about what Miss Salmonella thinks of your decision, just big grey rock the whole thing.

Good lord OP. YABU to even consider helping them! Step daughter, biological daughter, niece, cousin, whatever relation she is she can bloody do it herself with her partner!

Why on earth did you buy them cleaning products? Are they idiots? is your husband incapable of shopping? I assume if they are holding down well paid jobs they have the intelligence between them to go to shop and buy cleaning products, read the instructions and clean!

Unbelievable. I wonder if they are friends with the woman who wanted £50 for her daughter not being able to go to a show?! CF's.

Honestly this is one instance where it’s great being a stepparent. I do help my graduate school aged son clean but his stepfather doesn’t. If DH dc need help it’s up to him not me. We both work have physical jobs and are in very good health but manage our children seperately and you can too. DH wants to help his dc…wonderful. You however do not and no one should say one single thing about it.

Thank you for thinking of me for this wonderful opportunity. I'm so sorry I can't help on this occasion.

Not your problem. She is an adult, she needs to sort it out herself.

Of course you don't do it! It's her mess, it's time she and hun start to look after themselves and no magical cleaning fairy is available, unless they go rent one and pay for a cleaner.

why cant she buy cleaning supplies and clean? Is it like a crack den or something?

What a couple of CFs.

No way you should be cleaning for two lazy twats, (never used that word before😆). Who the hell do they think they are. Her dad's the biggest fool🙄

Not your problem they're slobs.. I wouldn't be helping either!

No absolutely yanbu op. I think if they have extenuating circumstances going on like poor mental health or are nd or such like then that's one thing to ask for support, but if they are two otherwise capable and self responsible adults then I wouldn't be jumping in here. Enabling them isn't helping them in any way. It sounds from your posts like they are making conscious choices and then expecting someone else to bail them out. I agree with pps who have suggested they hire in support if they are in two decent jobs.

If your step-daughter and her partner are old enough to be living in a rented property, then they're old enough to bloody clean it themselves too!! Grown adults, who are still behaving like children, and then expecting their parents to bail them out. No one expects a house to be pristine, but there's no excuses for a dirty home, that's nothing but laziness.

Op stick it out, not your problem, they had all weekend to do it but choose to go away,
Normally get a months notice for this, so why leave it till now

I’m confused about why you have to clean all day at your house, food shop and buy cleaning supplies and help you DSC while your DH is retired. Does he do nothing?

They will be meaning the op is BU to even ask the question. Cos it’s absurd.

Have absolutely nothing more to do with it! She/they have chosen to live like that, why the hell should you or her dad be expected to help clean it! They've got no shame, step away and have nothing further more to do with it. Sounds like they'll try anything to get you to help with other bits, especially after you've already 'helped' by getting the cleaning stuff in. it's not your circus, not your monkeys.

None of this makes any sense. Not sure why you’d even consider doing it, why you’d feel guilty about not, why you need to question if it’s ok not to do another adults cleaning, not sure why you use so many exclamation marks. All very strange. Of course you don’t do it.

You should have all just said no!

It's (literally) their mess to clean up.

I moved to the other side of the country at 18 so this wouldn't have been an option for me anyway, but it's really embarrassing for them.

Hang on a minute - you say the SD and her partner have good paid jobs?? Why on earth aren't they buying their own cleaning products?? and hiring a cleaner if they are too bone idle to clean themselves (unless there is some health reason that they can't physically clean themselves??)

You're doing the right thing staying out of it - and your partner should be doing the same. The issue is theirs to resolve, even if you weren't ill I'd still be advising you to say no.

Who are the 4% who think you should help? That's nuts. Does your husband honestly think you're there to act as a cleaner for his lazy daughter and her boyfriend? If she can rent a flat, she can clean it.

He’s lucky that’s all you said.

Why buy them products?! Let them sort it! Keep the products for yourself.

Dump your DP.

I read it as it’s so bad that there isn’t enough time to do it then.

It's nothing to do with you, don't give it a nanosecond of thought.
They are two adults who are free to live however they choose. They have two parents each who can help them. So six adults altogether. Not your problem.