My Father was convicted of sexual assault on 17 year old, should I let him see my kids + MORE

Mea culpa also.

Unfortunately it’s unlikely the OP will find the sentencing remarks on Bailii, the judiciary website or in the National Archive. Only a very small handful are ever published.

Open justice is almost entirely dependent on how keen the local newspaper is to cover the courts. Many don’t do it anymore because of the huge cost and social media abuse their reporters get from publishing court copy.

OP I’m a local newspaper reporter and I keep all our court records going back ten years. You might get lucky ringing your local paper’s newsdesk and asking them to have a look for you. I frequently help people in your situation. Sarah’s law will also probably be applicable to you and I’d definitely try and push the police for the info.

So sorry. Skim reading. Idiot.

eh? Her husband doesn’t want the kids to see him, rightly. It’s the brother that’s being arsey.

But in just a few years, her daughters will be a similar age, and if he’s seen as a “safe and loved” family member who still has access to them …… not a risk I’d be prepared to take. The consequences could be the worst.

Well done, stay strong and keep the Grand Canyon between him and your children.

I assume he's threatened to kill himself if he doesn't get what he wants? Abusers do this - threaten self harm to frighten and unsettle others to manipulate them into doing what they want.

He has also managed to groom other members of his family into doing his dirty work for him.

Your brother shows zero empathy for women and children. Ignore his aggression and accusations.

Abusers don't change. But as they grow older and weaker, their victims become yoynger and weaker.

The 17 year old WAS a child when he tricked her grandmother to get at her.

Your own children are approaching his age of interest - or may already be there.

If other relatives are allowing him near their children, they are being grossly irresponsible.

Start explaining to your children in the most age appropriate language why they won't be meeting their grandfather. If they ask more later on, having court reports as advised upthread could be useful to counter any accusations from family members.

What’s the chances of the very first time he committed this offence, he got caught and sent to prison - look at the conviction rates for sexual offences/rapes. He’s likely been a predator for years. There may be many other victims who haven’t been able to have any justice.

Dont let your children near him.

Some males will attack anyone vulnerable.

One offender round my way raped a six year old and then - upon release - a middle-aged disabled woman.

A teenage boy raped and murdered an octogenarian who lived just up the hill from my mum.

That could be it.

I'll add here that the offender I mentioned above attacked females - both adults and children, but one of his victims was a male child.

The OP's husband is crazy if he thinks that a sex offender can be trusted around anyone.

Do you know what conditions dad will be subject to on release from prison?

I image that if it his intention - if it is a possibility- to have a relationship with family members who are minors then a social care referral will be made where you will be contacted about how you see this working / how you will safeguard the kids / manage contact.

There would be no nuances or weighing up of facts or consulting anyone else for me. My child would not, with my knowledge, have contact with a known sex offender (I work with sex offenders and know a lot about them). It would not matter who they were.

I am so sorry that that happened to you.

May I ask....

Did you know about his conviction when you visited him? Has it changed your relationship with your parents? What did they say when it all came out?

Of course I understand if you would rather not answer.

Any sexual assault is bad, but for him to go to prison for a (presumably?) first offence, it must have been particularly bad, since it seems to be so difficult to get a rape conviction.

I certainly wouldn't let him near a child of mine, not even when they're adults.

When I was a new teacher, I realised that my parents had allowed a sex offender - a friend of a relative's - into the house. (Our relative had come first footing and had brought his friend with him.) I told my mother that if they allowed him in the house again, then I could never visit them - in my line of work, I could not be seen to be associating with someone of that kind.

He wasn't allowed back in the house. [ETA This was years after he'd been imprisoned. His excuse was that he'd been drunk.]

Footnote

Years later, the offender was charged with historical offences and went back to prison. Once he was imprisoned, other victims came forward. One was a child born to the offender after he was first released from prison.

He died in prison.

Do not take the chance, @Lordvampire3 .

In addition to the excellent advice here to go with your gut etc, may I add that you are not responsible for the consequences of your father's deplorable actions. He was incarcerated as a court decision after a trial. You are not responsible for anything your father does either.
It sounds like your brother is struggling as well, but in a different way, as a child loyal to his dad and unable to step outside of that. Sadly, your dad is a criminal. There's no way to sugar coat it.

No, of course you aren’t. I’d be seriously questioning your husband’s position.

In my experience I would keep him far away from your children and stick to phone contact. It is so easy for boundaries to blur as time moves on. People like your dad are often master manipulators and very good at getting what they want.

We had a family friend that was convicted of a similar crime to a similar age person. My parents allowed us children to visit him in prison and the relationship continued once he was out of prison.

It came out years later that he had also raped myself and multiple of my siblings once we hit 16.

I have also worked with sexual offenders of all varieties and some have been very open about how they do what they do. Manipulation and become a crucial person to others is always part of the plan.

The age makes it bad but even if it were an adult I’d not be happy with my kids around such a person. Your brother perhaps doesn’t get it because he’s male? If you accept such a person in your life you teach your kids it’s acceptable to view women as sexual resources and take as your please

Probably not whats going on.

Read an intersting article about why people do this and its because they cant reconcile the idea of "Dad" (or mum/daughter/son/ whoever) doing such an awful thing. So they compartmentalise. It said that they sort of invent a new person in their head that did those things, that was the person in court, that was the person in prison, but once they are out they are Dad/Husband again and all is good and they dont have to think about it anymore.

The OP refusing to just pretend nothing ever happened is forcing the brother to confront a reality he doesnt want to confront. If life doesnt pick up as if dad has been on a long holiday then brother will have to accept that his father is a man who sexually assaulted a 17 year old girl. And that is something he doesnt want to do.

YANBU not to want your children to see your father. Not because he’s likely to be a risk to them - given the age of his victim, there’s nothing to indicate that he’s a paedophile - but simply because sex offenders aren’t people your kids should be hanging out with. At all. I probably wouldn’t want to hang with him myself, if I were in your position.

Not a chance. I wouldn’t be able to act like this is normal. He assaulted a child. 17 year olds aren’t adults. If your brother thinks what he did is ok then I wouldn’t want to be near him either.

It's your and your husbands' decision alone; your brother is wrong to interfere. He's not responsible for the children and won't be the one caring for them or dealing with the aftermath if anything happens. His expressing anger at you and trying to make you feel guilty feels uncomfortably like bullying.

IF your father is a decent person and a caring father and grandfather, he'll understand that the children's safety is much more important than his feelings. If you come to believe that he feels genuine remorse, understands the hurt he's done, and is unlikely to reoffend, you COULD reconsider letting them see him when they are old enough to make the choice and to speak up if anything is wrong but I think the fact that he has not been open with you about what happened makes that scenario much less likely.

Havent rtft but You need therapy...you dont seem to know your own mind

I'm afraid my father will X.
My brother kicked off now i am afraid and should i do Y?

Why do you care what these scummy men think?
Follow ypur instincts unapologetically

Amazed you call him, I wouldnt even speak to him if he was my father...

Wft. He preplanned the assault. Keep him away from your DCs. He is clearly a predator. Your DB is a numbskull.

If it was me, I wouldn't see him either.

I'm sorry that you're going through this OP. The decision you have come to is understandable.

In your position I would likely still put in a request under Sarah's Law, just in case anything changes/your brother really puts the pressure on etc. I think I'd want to know the facts.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/find-out-if-a-person-has-a-record-for-child-sexual-offences

Any type of sexual assault.. against a child or adult.. and I'd not be letting my kids near that person. It's so hard to get convictions for sexual assault. The burden of proof is high. To serve time for it it must have been bad. No way would I be letting someone like that round my kids even with supervision. Because obviously this man decided to behave like this. What does that mean about his attitude towards women? Even if he wouldn't attack your daughters physically you'll be having someone around them who has ideas about women and girls that led him to do that. This is not something you want to expose your girls to AT ALL from a family member they may love and trust. It would be so unhealthy for them.
Cut him out of your life and do not feel guilty. Protect all of you. Stay strong. Sending you love ❤️